


every single bit of you

by miraclesatori



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hair Dyeing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, band au, garage shows, semi eita lead singer, semiyama, wtf is a canon timeline, yamaguchi plays keyboard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:42:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 53,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraclesatori/pseuds/miraclesatori
Summary: “eita,” tadashi grabs his face in his hands. semi smiles without thinking, knowing that, in tadashi’s hands, he’s home. “look at me.”he does. tadashi’s eyes are dark, stray strands of green hair obscuring them a little. they’re glossy, magnetic. eita can count his freckles from this distance, how they overlap, fade in and out of different shades, different sizes. the sunlight coming in from the window gives him an unearthly glow (bless that window, truly).
Relationships: Semi Eita/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	1. afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heartthrob semi eita

afterglow (by the driver era) —


late september

the sound starts in his head and bleeds through his arms, down to his fingertips. they dance over white plastic keys and emulate everything yamaguchi tadashi wants to say ( _“i’ll be okay”_ ), wants to sound like ( _bold and sure_ ), wants to become ( _“look at how far you’ve come”_ ). his eyes are pointed downward, watching every tiny movement he makes. his fingers move before he can even tell them to, like they already know what his goal is ( _“you’ve played this so many times, aren’t you bored yet?”_ ). 

_“what are you playing, son?”_

_“oh!” he hides his hands. “i—i don’t really—“_

after this summer, what happened with kei ( _“you’re not playing fair”_ ) leaving karasuno behind ( _“you’ll always be our number one”_ ) his team ( _“don’t forget about us, okay?”_ ), his home ( _“come back to visit me, won’t you, son?”_ ), tadashi returned to the one other thing he could always count on: his keyboard. he’d been playing since he was child and was by no means a genius. in his volleyball years, tadashi didn’t exactly have time to play, but when he needed it the most, the keyboard was always waiting for him. 

_“i really am proud of — of you for this, but, maybe you should go see kei? maybe go to the park together?”_

there’s a song etched into his fingers that he can play without even looking at the keys, a song from a movie he used to watch with his parents. it was long before they split up ( _“your father was a liar”_ ), but tadashi will never forget this song and the way the sounds echo through his chest. he’s almost finished playing, breathing slow and swaying ever so lightly. a million memories swipe behind his eyes, he sees his parents, the movie, his younger self trying to figure out how to play the song for the first time. 

“oh, hey!” his roommates voice breaks the flow and his concentration. tadashi flinches and rips his hands away from the keys, looking up at goshiki tsutomu with pure disdain in his eyes.

“sorry, i didn’t mean to interrupt,” goshiki apologizes gently, setting his bag beside his bed. they’d only lived together a short while but tadashi didn’t think he’d ever get used to sharing a room with someone. his mother never invaded his own space. he had no siblings. this was... mostly new. _mostly_. 

_“let’s stay up all night and watch scary movies.”_

_“scary?”_

_“yeah. what, you gonna chicken out?”_

tadashi doesn’t miss the way his roommates dark eyes slide over the keyboard. he takes a deep breath before responding. “it’s fine, i was just about to put it up anyway.”

the taller boy has his back turned, hands digging through his pockets to place things on his bedside table. he’s wearing nice slacks and a light blue button up. tadashi wonders which class he’s just returning from. “i didn’t realize you played piano,” goshiki says lightly. 

_keyboard, technically_. tadashi doesn’t say that. instead, he says something kinder. “uh, it’s been a while but once i was done with volleyball, i figured, why not pick it back up?” tadashi finishes the sentence like it’s a question. 

goshiki is sitting now, untying his shoes. he still hasn’t looked tadashi in the eyes, not that tadashi is paying attention to that kind of detail. he doesn’t know what to say to fill the silence but—

“i’ve never really known anyone who could play any sort of instrument,” goshiki says plainly, his face smooth and thinking. does he still play volleyball? what classes is he taking? what does he think when he sees tadashi sitting in their room all the time except to leave for class or food? “the only person i can think of is semi.”

tadashi turns the keyboard off and gives it one final look before tucking it under his bed. the name didn’t register in his head. “semi?”

“yeah,” goshiki sighs and plops down on his bed, long legs shooting into the hair before falling back down. “semi eita. he was in ushiwaka’s class, i haven’t seen him in bit,” a fond smile passes his lips. “but he played music too.”

tadashi blinks and hones in on the words. someone who played with ushiwaka? he recalls playing against shiratorizawa in his first year... before ushiwaka graduated. someone named semi... _who was it?_ “what kind of music?”

goshiki laughs openly now. tadashi can’t miss the sparkle in his eyes, like thinking of semi brings him sweet memories. “he could kind of play the keyboard, kind of play the drums, but his favorite instrument was the bass guitar,” he explains. “i remember being able to hear his music blasting through his headphones on the bus rides home from games.”

_bass guitar..._

“shirabu always yelled at him but semi would just turn it up even more until the volume couldn’t get any louder.”

“so he plays bass?” tadashi asks, wishing he could remember who the hell goshiki is talking about. he recalls seeing people on tv with guitars but never had the guts to pursue that particular instrument himself. there was something so open about guitars, having your arms stretched around something, mostly open to everyone watching. lots of people could play without looking at the strings, so they were even more open and vulnerable. he shudders.

“he was pretty good at it, too,” the boy smiles crookedly. he’s looking into the middle distance now before his eyes light up and he jumps off his bed in a hurry. “i saw him the other day! i had no idea he went to school here but—“

“ _here_?” tadashi’s brows furrow. adrenaline is bleeding into his veins. this semi guy—he plays music. he plays bass. drums. keyboard, too? goshiki knew him? he has to meet this guy. he has to, or the curiosity will crush him. 

_“say hi to kei for me, when you get there.”_

_“sure thing, mom.”_

_“and do try to make new friends, tadashi. i know you’ll miss your teammates, but the world is wide. don’t limit yourself.”_

_“i know.”_

_“promise me you’ll try?”_

_“promise.”_

“yeah! he works at the coffee shop by the um—“ goshiki’s dancing now, tapping his feet and squeezing his fists trying to remember something. “um—by the art building! that’s it!” satisfied with finally remembering, goshiki flops back down on his bed, grinning proudly.

“he plays music and he works at a coffee shop?” 

“yeah! when i saw him, it’s like he’s almost a new person. he had all these necklaces and his hair was pink—“

“ _pink_?”

“that’s what i said!

tadashi bites his cheek. he has to know now. he needs to see this dude, even if he can’t fully understand why. he stands abruptly and makes for his shoes. why not go now? why not just see who he is? he did promise to make new friends, after all. 

_“where’d you get those boots?”_

_“um—“_

_“and the rings... that’s new.”_

_“yeah, well—“_

_“doesn’t look anything like you.”_

_“maybe i’m just trying something out.”_

_“whatever you say, tadashi.”_

after tying his shoes and straightening his t-shirt, tadashi sticks money and his phone into his back pocket. he has no particular plan in mind ( _surprisingly_ ), doesn’t even bother checking how he looks. tadashi just glides across the room and his hand falls on the door handle. 

“you goin’ to see semi?” goshiki asks with a tease in his tone. he’s tucked between his pillow and the wall, phone pressed close to his face. “knew you’d be intrigued.”

“huh?” tadashi turns to him with his brows dipped in false confusion. “he—no. i was gonna head out anyway, but—“

“oh, suuuure,” goshiki grins again, and tadashi wonders if his spine hurts sitting like that. “have _fun_ , tadashi!”

he huffs and it blows his hair into his face. “whatever, goshiki.” 

—

he hadn’t been on campus for long—about a month or so. tadashi still didn’t know his way around but he had a single class in the art building, so he just heads in that general direction. 

in the time he had been here, he hadn’t really met anyone new. sure, students in his classes, but he’s been having a hard time approaching new people. 

_“captain yamaguchi! look at how far you’ve come.”_

_“yeah, remember when you joined volleyball cause you said it wasn’t as scary as other sports?”_

_“remember how he looked when he was subbed into his first official game? poor kid!”_

tadashi yamaguchi spent three whole years growing out of a shell he didn’t know he had been confined too, and his final year at karasuno, he finally reached a level of confidence he could be proud of. he was captain of a powerhouse volleyball team, and people around his hometown knew his name. players on other teams recognized his number when they entered the court. 

_“i didn’t know how to tell you.”_

_“you don’t get to do this. not now. not when i spent my whole life—“_

even despite that, there was always one small thing nagging at him. tadashi let it fester in his chest, rotting instead of blooming. when he finally decided to be open and honest about it—

_“it’s the truth.”_

_“no. it can’t—it won’t work. i can’t do this.”_

_“please don’t—“_

_“no, seriously. i—no.”_

he _is_ trying. tadashi will smile at people he walks by, talk to the people sitting next to him, engage in class discussion. maybe that wasn’t enough. maybe he was just—just—

_scared_. maybe that’s it. he’s still trying to find his place here, trying to figure himself out. tadashi promised himself when he packed up his stuff that this college experience would change everything for him. he had spent too many years trying to be a certain way for someone else, only for that someone else to... not be who tadashi thought he was. 

that isn’t to say he hated who he was in high school, or that he resented any decisions made. joining karasuno’s volleyball team had been one of the best decisions he’d ever made; it’d given him irreplaceable memories and unbelievable experiences. there was just one person tadashi was making an active attempt to forget about, but he was quite literally woven into almost every memory tadashi has. birthdays, holidays, games, practice, parties and celebrations there was no escape. 

_“you have to stop trying to impress him. if he doesn’t like you for who you truly are, then it’s not even worth it.”_

_“but i lo—i like him. i want him to—“_

stop. 

_that’s over now. you can evolve and still appreciate who you were before, as well as all the memories attached to that person._

tadashi sees the shop from here, and the bustling people inside. it was never too warm for coffee, and he pushes the door open with his elbow, keeping his eyes up and scanning in case he sees anyone he recognizes. 

not a single soul in this building registers in his head. there’s four or so people in line for coffee and three barista’s behind the counter. the people in line range in height and tadashi can’t see anyone’s face. he’s almost too scared to look at the baristas. 

_why? scared you’ll see someone you know?_

the first person he sees is a girl slightly shorter than him with honey blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail. she’s smiling as she takes orders and her voice is nasally. the second person is a man with weirdly perfect posture and light brown hair split to the right. he’s hyper concentrated on whatever he’s making. they all look older than him. 

maybe semi wasn’t here. how will he know? he doesn’t remember who semi was, or even what he looks like. _maybe just look for pink hair?_

tadashi risks a glance up, and finds the third and final barista at the other end, reading names on cups and calling out to waiting customers. tadashi has to hold back a gasp when he realizes that _must be_ semi eita. 

while they’re all wearing the same white work shirts, black aprons, he’s decked in necklaces and rings and tadashi catches glints of jewelry in his ears too. his jeans are acid wash black, not that tadashi is looking, and his shirt is untucked where the others have theirs tucked perfectly in. 

tadashi doesn’t know how fast it happened, but he blinks and suddenly it’s his turn to order. he couldn’t have gotten anymore unlucky. 

the man tadashi assumes is semi eita is leaning across the counter ever so slightly, smiling kindly and asking him what he could help him with today. up close, tadashi sees the star and moon shapes on his necklaces. he can see at least three rings on both hands, and — skeleton earrings? dangling from behind his faded pink hair. _pink_ hair. 

_i don’t look cool enough to be here. but this semi eita guy... looks cool enough to be anywhere. don’t stare, tadashi. don’t stare._

tadashi clears his throat and looks up at the menu because, if he doesn’t, he knows the order will fall out of his mouth all wrong. he orders a medium iced chai latte, and watches as semi’s slender fingers grab a medium sized cup and a sharpie. 

“what’s the name for that?” semi asks politely ( _the outfit and jewelry really throws off his disposition, doesn’t it?_ ), looking at tadashi again. tadashi catches a glimpse of—is that mascara? on the mans lashes. or maybe his lashes are just that... _luxurious_? it wasn’t even fair. 

“um—tadashi,” he responds quickly, trying to smile as calmly as possible. “thanks.”

“i’ll have that right up for you,” semi says before whisking off to make whatever it was that tadashi ordered. he’s already forgotten. 

_was it even fair of someone to look... like that? he literally took my breath away. he has pink hair. the jewelry. the... outfit. his voice? his eyes! this is so unfair!_

faster than humanly possible, semi has tadashi’s drink ready. he’s standing at the other end and raising the cup in the air. “medium iced chai for tadashi!” 

tadashi blinks and rushes forward, but when he grabs the cup he opens his mouth to speak before semi can rush off to the next person. “you play music, right?” he asks, internally screaming at himself. 

_he’s busy, you idiot! working! you sound like a creeper!_

but instead, the pink haired man smiles. tadashi wonders if he’ll dye that hair again soon. “in my free time, yeah.” his voice is smooth, confident. “why do you ask?”

tadashi is sure his entire face is as red a tomato now. he pulls his drink close to himself, cursing the cold on his fingertips. “um—a friend of mine—my dormmate actually—saw me playing earlier the—the _keyboard_ and—well, he mentioned you, i think, and i was wondering if you—“

“you think?” semi chuckles lightly. he moves to the side as the girl he works with hands so eone the drink she just made. tadashi shifts out of the way too. 

“you’re—you’re semi eita, right?”

_this is gonna be super embarrassing if i’m wrong._

another chuckle. “yeah, dude. here—“ he takes a napkin from beside the straws and a pen out of his pocket. popping the lip open with his teeth, he writes some numbers on the napkin. “take my number. maybe we can talk once i get off.”

tadashi doesn’t miss the way semi’s voice falters ever so slightly. his ringed fingers hand him the napkin, and tadashi takes it with a small smile. “i’d love to. we can—can talk about music and—“

“and whatever else you want,” semi replies. he glances at the line and at his coworkers scowling at him. “um—text me. or call me. something.”

tadashi bites his cheek to keep his face from splitting in two. “sounds good, semi.” 

“call me eita!” he calls as he backs off to go take the order of the next person before either of the other baristas shank him. 

_eita._

tadashi exits the building with a bounce in his step. he came in search of someone to play music with but, sweet jesus, he was not expecting that person to be so goddamn beautiful. he grips the napkin a little tighter and takes a sip of the chai latte semi made. it’s the best chai latte tadashi’s ever had. 

—

_who the hell was that? why was he so nervous? why was he so—so cute?! who told him about me playing music? why did i —_

“semi!”

“yep?” he whips his head up from making some weird peppermint mocha thing. futakuchi is staring him down, perfect side part falling in his eyes.

“who was that? the kid with the latte?”

_he remembers what tadashi ordered?_

“someone named tadashi.”

“he know you?”

semi’s hands rest on the counter and he looks out the door tadashi left through. “not sure.”

“weird.”

futakuchi says nothing else. semi fights the urge to roll his eyes. “yeah, weird.”

—

**unknown number:** _hi !! this is tadashi, from the coffee shop earlier, the dormmate that mentioned u was goshiki tsutomu, just so u know_

**unknown number:** _also that was weird of me to just Say That to u while u were at work so i apologize, seriously, i just didn’t wanna miss my chance_

**semi eita:** _chance for what?_

**semi eita:** _don’t worry about it dude, it’s all good, i think it’s really cool that you were so,, brave? i guess? to just come up and ask someone about what they do, idk how to explain it but ... it was cool_

**tadashi:** _oh cool :,))_

**semi eita:** _you wanna meet up for dinner or something?_

**tadashi:** _for sure, what time?_

and so it began, just like that. 

a subtle mention of an old school friend catapulted yamaguchi tadashi into semi eita’s world. an iced chai latte dropped semi eita into yamaguchi tadashi’s life. an innocent dinner meet up turned into a future of growth, certainty, dye stained fingers, glittered floors, sparkling ears, knowing smiles. 

that one dinner meet up led to months of dinner meet ups, breakfast and lunch meet ups, too. those led to study meet ups, then walking to classes together, then movie nights. even a few times, they stumbled into the gym to mess around with the volleyballs. semi hadn’t touched one in years. 

through semi and his musical abilities, tadashi meets two other guys semi plays with quite a bit. the first one being konoha akinori, a fukurodani graduate. tadashi barely remembers their team from games past and training camps. konoha was confident and sometimes arrogant, but he was open and light hearted. he had faded blue hair the first time tadashi met him (over dinner in the cafeteria upon semi’s request). he had three different earrings in each ear and chipped pink nail polish. 

the second guy was miya atsumu, an excitable hot head with more energy than he knew what to do with. he was semi’s groups number one hype man, always ready to go even if he never, ever planned ahead. tadashi couldn’t help but notice the way his canine teeth came to points like... real canines. his undercut natural hair was dark brown but the top he kept bleached and dyed any color he felt like. him and konoha were true forces of nature, but the third person in semi’s hasty sort of band was none other than hinata shoyo. 

_“hinata?”_

_“tadashi?! what are you doing here? you play music? piano? keyboard, technically! you know semi? you play with him? wanna hear what i’ve been working on?”_

tadashi never would’ve guessed hinata could play guitar, but he did, and he was very good at it. not as good as semi, but tadashi may have been a bit biased. 

it’d been several months since tadashi had seen anyone at all from karasuno, so reuniting with hinata at a hang out in semi’s dorm one night had been like a breath of fresh air. hinata’s hair was getting long and he and kageyama were still attached at the hip, but he wore thick heeled combat boots more often than not and was trying to mimic semi’s eyeliner. 

_“how long have you guys been playing music together?”_

_“since about a month before the semester started. we’re all in the same music program. konoha and i are in the same chemistry class, atsumu and i are in the same math.”_

konoha and semi had been playing together for three years, atsumu and semi for two, and hinata and semi (and the rest) for a little over six months. tadashi would be able to remember this someday, just not yet.

_“semi’s the only one with a dorm big enough to fit us all...”_

_“semi’s the only one with a dormmate nice enough to let us all cram in like this to play every now and then.”_

_“so are you guys... like a real band?”_

_“not quite. but that’d be a fun idea, wouldn’t it, boys?”_

_they all chuckle disbelievingly at that idea._

also through semi, tadashi met tendou satori. tendou was an eccentric, brutally honest loud mouth with a soft spot for a 6’4, green haired future professional volleyball player. he also had a soft spot for chocolate, and nostalgic childhood cartoons. tendou had the most interesting wardrobe of anyone tadashi had ever met, and when tendou and semi got their heads together, their collective power would most times be enough to knock the breath out of tadashi’s lungs. 

he remembers tendou from the shiratorizawa game about three years prior. he remembers kei — _tsukishima_ — complaining about his ridiculous guess blocking, and being absolutely fascinated by his hair. present day tendou satori has his hair down more often than not, but tadashi did learn that the red color was, in fact, all natural. 

through tadashi, semi and tendou were able to reunite with goshiki, who turned beet red as soon as he saw them both. tendou had pulled him into a strangling hug after messing up the boys faint traces of an old bowl cut. semi hugged him too, and proceeded to ask what he was studying. 

_look at me, mom. look at me meeting people and making friends._

and then there was the music. semi eita did indeed have a bass guitar, which was a glossy purple color that reflected nicely on his skin ( _not that tadashi noticed that kind of thing, are you kidding?_ ). semi had played for tadashi several times, but they were just covers of other songs. he claimed he had a few of his own original ideas, but that they weren’t ready to be shared with the public. semi had said that line with a wink. 

tadashi only dared to play his keyboard for semi a few times. the first time being when semi stopped by his dorm before they both had gone to dinner together. goshiki had gone off with someone whose name tadashi could never remember. he played half of the song he’d memorized for semi before stopping and tucking it back under his bed, all while refusing to listen to semi’s complaints for cutting off the song. 

at some point, semi started to notice tadashi sitting a little closer when they studied together. tadashi noticed semi’s foot touching his own under the table when they’d go out to eat. semi felt tadashi’s eyes on his hands when he played for the other boy. tadashi had memorized the individual colors in semi’s eyes. there was also the first time semi played tadashi’s favorite riff nearly perfectly. 

_tadashi has his head on the bed, semi’s leg right above him. he can see the neck of the purple and silver bass right between his eyes, semi’s slender fingers dancing up and down like it’s no big deal. it ends much too soon, and semi peers at him from over the neck, leaning down and squinting._

_“you still alive?”_

_tadashi can see the reflection of the purple in semi’s dark eyes. he can see bits of natural gold in there too, and the creases in his forehead. he reaches his hand up and gently pokes semi’s forehead._

_“that was perfect, eita.”_

that was the first of many times calling him eita. semi liked it, especially coming from tadashi. and then there were a couple close encounters ( _literally_ ) involving semi eita’s tiny dorm bathroom...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone had to do it,, enjoy !!


	2. redbone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an acceptable invasion of personal space

redbone (by childish gambino) —


late november

“you bump into my arm again and i’m gonna kick you out of my bathroom,” semi huffs as he leans in closer to the small mirror hanging above his sink. doing eyeliner in a small space is harder enough on it’s own, but this kid and his bony elbows are making it practically impossible. 

tadashi grins and scoots in as close as he can to semi, eyeballing the boy through the mirror. he moves to nudge semi’s elbow again but semi’s expecting it. he sticks his hip out and forces tadashi out of the mirror view, trying to muffle his laughter. tadashi is shoving back with his own hips and semi has to put the eyeliner pen down before he makes even more of a mess. 

semi turns on tadashi and purses his lips, determined not to let even a chuckle slip through. tadashi turns square on semi, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. when tadashi sees the eyeliner disaster on semi’s eyes, his own eyes widen as big as the moon. 

“oh my _god—_ “

“ _you_ did that.”

more giggling. “i know, let me fix it—“

“your fault.” semi shakes his head. “if you hadn’t—“

tadashi is openly laughing again now. he presses his finger to semi’s lips and shushes him. “you gonna let me fix it for you or not?” he asks with a raised brow. 

semi crosses his arms. tadashi watches his cheeks bleed pink. after a few moments of silent persuasion, semi sighs. “please.”

tadashi places his hands on the boys shoulders and moves him back so he can reach under the sink for the q-tips. there’s a song playing on the speaker in the other room, a song tadashi can’t quite place. semi is humming to the beat, though, as he leans against the sink counter. his arms were still crossed but the soft pink on his face was enough for tadashi to know he wasn’t truly irritated. 

on the outside, semi could stand with his legs apart and his arms crossed. he could frown and scowl and glare all he wanted, but when he spoke, kindness always came first. 

tadashi wets a qtip under the running water and turns to see semi staring at him, waiting. he has a terrible case of resting bitch face, but tadashi can only be entranced by the slight downward pull of his eyebrows, the purse of his lips, the blush spreading across his nose. semi eita’s eyes are the most intimidating part about him, but he’s currently trying to pretend he’s irritated, and tadashi simply isn’t buying it. the purse of his lips tells tadashi he’s trying not to laugh. besides, how could one be intimidated when there’s eyeliner smeared everywhere? 

“i’m sorry,” tadashi bursts into laughter again. “really. you were just so focused—“

“uh huh.”

“you’re trying to fake being mad at me and—and you just look cute instead!”

“ _uh huh_.”

_and i like being so close to you._

“just don’t poke my eye out,” semi sighs as tadashi moves in closer. he lets his arms uncross and places his hands on the counter, a safe distance away from any sort of possible contact. 

_but i wouldn’t dare say that out loud._

“like i’d ever do that,” tadashi replies coolly with a roll of his eyes. “not on purpose, anyway.” 

tadashi’s knee touches semi’s ever so lightly, but he pulls it back without thinking. too often here lately had they been close without even realizing it. tadashi didn’t want to overstep, even if being close to semi was all he could really think about. 

_get your head out of the gutter._

what’s so wrong with wanting to be close to him?

it’s quiet but semi is humming again. tadashi can feel the vibrations in the hand resting on the mans shoulder. he wants to put that hand on semi’s neck, feel the muscles move to the sounds of the lyrics. 

_whoops. stay focused._

semi’s right eye has mostly been cleaned up, but tadashi has to fight back a gasp when he realizes some of it smeared even worse than before from the wet q-tip. he bites his cheek instead, praying semi can’t read his facial expressions. tadashi moves to the other eye, holding his breath as semi’s eyes move to follow and watch him. 

semi can see every single freckle dusted on tadashi’s face. he can see the dark marks under his eyes. he can see smile lines on the sides of his mouth. he can see his tongue peeking out, indicating how focused he is. he can make out shades of yellow and green and brown in the boys eyes, the way the pupils dilate as he leans in closer and _closer_...

he can feel the boys hand on his shoulder and almost wishes it were on his face instead. though, if it were, tadashi would know exactly how warm semi’s skin has gotten. he fights the urge to cross his arms again. maybe if he crossed them he could let some of that fake confidence settle in... maybe then no one could see how nervous he was. 

why was he nervous anyway? they’d been friends for forever now. they hung out practically every day. they spoke on the phone all the time, and they were rarely apart. semi doesn’t remember when he started getting nervous to see tadashi after being apart for a bit. he doesn’t remember when he started shaking if tadashi touched him. he doesn’t remember when the staring started, or the blushing. it almost makes him angry. 

“i think i’ve mostly got it,” tadashi whispers. his breath washes over semi’s face. semi wonders for a second if he’s dreaming. he doesn’t want tadashi to move away. he doesn’t want him to be this close. he doesn’t know how to explain why they were so close, if someone were to walk in and demand an explanation. 

_no one is going to barge in. no one is going to want an explanation. you don’t owe anyone an explanation. get your mind out of the gutter._

“you want me to redo it?” tadashi asks kindly, throwing the black stained q-tips away. he leans down and his hair shines under the bathroom light. jesus, what kind of conditioner does he use? semi just wants to run his fingers through that hair, _just one time..._

_what?_

“eita?” tadashi is looking at him now, eyes wide and mildly concerned. that green hair has fallen forward again in the most perfect way. he’s twisting the pen between his fingers.

_fake confidence. fake it. let it seep in, fake it, live it, til you make it. that’s how it goes, right?_

“you think you can do a better job than i can?” semi asks with a sneer in his voice. his arms cross over his chest again. what are they getting ready for again? were they going to lunch? going to meet with tendou? going to the library? who knows. semi sure doesn’t. maybe they could just stay in this bathroom forever, just as close as they were moments earlier.

tadashi feigns hurt, clasping a hand to his chest, gripping the fabric of his t-shirt. he sets the eyeliner pen down on the counter with a snap and whips his hair to the side. “well, if you wanna be _that_ way—“

he moves to leave, hand on the door to pull it open but a hand wraps around his upper arm. semi pulls him back toward him, turning him around in the process. he’s careful not to pull him too close, just close enough to ensure tadashi knows he doesn’t want him to leave. surely that’s the message he sent. surely that wasn’t too much.

tadashi stumbles in the process and he places his hands on semi’s chest to steady himself. he feels his face go hot. semi is still leaning against the sink and tadashi finds his leg between semi’s and he tries to back up before embarrassment can settle in. 

“you do mine and i’ll do yours,” semi says firmly. he’s holding the eyeliner pen between their faces. tadashi wants to laugh because, for a split second, he forgot that’s why they ended up in this cramped bathroom together in the first place. he refuses to let semi make a blushing mess of him, so he snatches the pen. 

“fine,” tadashi grinds out. two can play at this game. his left hand finds its place at the base of semi’s neck. his entire left arm is pressed into semi’s chest now. he can feel the muscles and bone beneath the soft fabric of the shirt he’s wearing, can feel the heat radiating and the unsteady beat of his heart. 

he does small wings on semi’s pretty eyes, ignoring the way they stare him down the entire time. he puts a little heart beneath semi’s right eye and finishes with a proud grin. semi hadn’t said a word the whole time, to keep from moving too much maybe? maybe he was just thinking too hard to speak. he had begun humming again in the middle, and the vibrations sent shock waves through tadashi’s hand on his throat all the way down his arm. 

“check that out!” tadashi announces proudly. “there’s no way you could’ve done that well on yourself.” 

semi chuckles and tadashi takes a step back. he doesn’t say anything as he takes tadashi’s arms in his hands, forcing them both to turn around so tadashi is pressed against the counter and semi is in front of him. he takes the pen from tadashi’s hands, sneaking a glance at his face in the mirror before getting as close as he can to tadashi without losing his breath. 

“we’ll see about that.” 

somehow lighthearted playing around, trying to mess semi up, had turned into this. a competition to do the best eyeliner while also invading the others personal space in a way neither of them had ever done before. the air was thick and semi was sure his neck was on fire from where tadashi had been touching him.

semi is leaning into him, one leg between tadashi’s own and the other on the outside, essentially pinning him there just like tadashi had done to him. semi uncaps the eyeliner by biting the lid, taking the cap from his teeth, and reaching around tadashi to set it down, all while not even looking tadashi in the eyes. when he squares back up, semi leans in real close ( _his breath smells like spearmint gum_ ). his left hand lands carefully on tadashi’s cheek, brushing his hair just barely. the boys skin is warm and soft beneath semi’s calloused hand. 

semi is humming again and tadashi is trying to keep his breath steady. the eyeliner is cold but semi’s hands are warm, fingertips rough from callouses made long ago through volleyball and retained through playing the bass. 

“look at me.”

tadashi looks semi in the eyes, deciding to focus on the right one. the dark pools of brown in his eyes is lightened by the overhead lights. the light casts shadows across his lashes, too, small shadow lines accenting the natural pinkness of his cheeks. tadashi feels like he can’t breathe or even think straight ( _hilarious_ ).

semi glances between his work and himself in the mirror before finally coming to an internal decision. “i win.”

tadashi blinks. “ _what_? impossible!” 

he turns to look in the mirror, semi grinning evilly behind him with his arms crossed back over his chest. tadashi thought his own work was good but semi had so much more practice than he did, and his lines and wings were perfect. he even did a matching heart beneath tadashi’s eye. he could feel his own heart clawing up his throat. 

tadashi turns back to semi and stumbles over his words. semi watches him with those sharp eyes, pursed lips. they’re pinker than usual, like he’d been chewing the bottom lip. tadashi knew part of him wanted to make a sly remark and fall back into that tense air, bring semi close to him again. he also knew that if they didn’t get going soon they’d get lost in here and never get back out. 

_maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing?_

before he can say anything at all, the music turns off and is replaced by the sound of semi’s phone ringing. the ashen haired boy sighs quietly, letting his head fall forward. tadashi watches the strands fall into his face and hide his expression. he doesn’t know what to say. semi whips his head up and back, letting that hair fall backwards and expose his neck to the air. 

tadashi couldn’t stop staring. 

“close your mouth,” semi says lightly, turning on his heel to go after his phone. “you’ll catch flies,” he finishes, sending a winged wink at tadashi from over his shoulder. as he exits, he’s pulling his hair up and out of the way. 

tadashi snaps his mouth shut and blinks out of his stupor. maybe they should finish getting ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more of just a filler until we get to the rest of the story, i started writing this idea as just a one shot before i got the idea for the full fic but i wanted to keep this chapter so here it is


	3. do i wanna know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just the right amount of tension

do i wanna know? (by arctic monkeys) —

early march

“ _semisemi—_! you sure you don’t wanna come with me?” tendou sings from the entryway to their room, swinging the door back and forth. semi has gotten well used to that nickname by now, so he doesn’t even bother snapping at the redhead. 

truthfully, semi would very much like to go out with tendou. he’s going with ushijima, someone named sugawara and— _did he say hanamaki?_ —out to some party. it almost sounded fun. almost. 

but another part of semi was hoping tadashi would call. _maybe i should call first,_ he thinks to himself. semi had never wanted to be around a singular person this much in his entire life. it’s been well over half a year since they first met, and summer was getting closer. this entire school year they spent it attached at the hip, and neither of them ever got tired of it. in fact, semi only wanted to be around him _more_. 

semi gives tendou a once over, who’s clad in black skinny jeans and a loose gray shirt with a red leather jacket on top. semi doesn’t miss the glitter on his cheeks. he sighs, glancing to his closet with longing in his heart. 

“i’ll have to pass tonight, tendou,” he says smoothly, hiding any tells he may have that might show tendou he secretly really wants to go. 

tendou grins and narrows his red eyes at semi. “waiting for someone?”

“shut up!” he throws his pillow at tendou as hard as he can, but he’s all the way across the room and the pillow barely glances off tendou’s bony knees. he jumps up anyway, laughing at semi’s meek attempt to hurt him. “am not.”

“you are!” he sings again, picking up the pillow and tossing it back with half the strength semi had used. “it’s okay,” he claps a hand on his chest. “i understand. speaking of—i probably won’t be back tonight, if that’s okay.”

“of course it is, tendou,” semi shakes his head at him. they’re grown. they make their own decisions. 

“don’t wanna be here when you’ve got a _special someone_ with you—“

“alright, that’s enough, you overgrown—“ he lunges toward the pillow and runs after tendou, who’s laughing wildly and sprinting out into the hall. semi grabs the door and yanks it back open, pillow in the other hand. “it’s not happening!”

“ _sure_ , eita! i believe you!” tendou is walking backwards toward the elevator. “totally. definitely. completely!”

semi rolls his eyes and watches tendou turn extravagantly, his red coat swaying with his speed. he sighs. “have a good night, loser!”

“you’re too kind!” tendou turns again and bows. “see ya!”

semi shuts the door, walks toward his bed. he drops the pillow and falls face first onto it without any regards. then his phone dings. he nearly gives himself whiplash whipping his head up so fast and searching with frantic hands to find the phone. 

**tadashi :)** : _u busy?_

**eita !!:** _never_

**tadashi :):** _k cool unlock ur door_

nerves pile up at the pit of his stomach. semi got back to his dorm at noon from his only class of the day and hadn’t moved from this spot except to get food. he was even wearing pajamas. 

tadashi had been here two days ago to study with semi for math or something but after yesterday and today, both semi and tendou getting ready and throwing clothes around, he hasn’t cleaned up yet. he hasn’t even—

there’s a knock at the door. _shit_. 

“coming!” semi calls, trying to fix his bed and move things out of the way as he crosses the room. tendou’s mess can be excused but his own was... embarrassing. he tosses clothes into a hamper and kicks his bag out of the middle of the floor, stubbing his toe in the process. _shit_. 

semi finally reaches the door, yanks it open and reveals a wide eyed tadashi with a plastic bag in his hands. where semi wore black sweats and some random band t-shirt, tadashi wore dark wash jeans and a striped shirt. he even—

_wait_. 

“you—“

“doesn’t it look _awesome_?” tadashi asks excitedly, stepping into the room after semi gets out of the way. he removes his shoes quickly and begins digging through the plastic bag in his hands. 

his hair falls forward, split bangs covering his eyes. the hair in the back splits too, revealing an entire under layer bleached and colored silver. it’s even been straightened. tadashi looks... really... _pretty_.

“it really _does_ look awesome,” semi breathes. “what’s in the bag?” he asks to try and hide his awe. tadashi looks back at him, smiley and blushing. his hair falls in a perfect frame. the silver shows through on the bottom and it blends perfectly with the dark green of his natural color. 

“i bought this purple hair dye a while ago for when i finally got the balls to go get this done,” he explains and his fingers pull through the silver. semi bites his cheek. “but i bought entirely way too much.”

semi leans forward and peeks into the bag. _yep, definitely too much_. but purple is a good color... and tadashi’s hair is freshly bleached...

“the first time i saw you, you had pink hair.” 

semi smiles at that. 

“i figured, since i bought so much, maybe we could dye our hair together,” tadashi grins now, closing his eyes tight. he’s gripping the back and he looks so sweet, so soft, so kind. semi has to fight to keep himself upright. 

“together,” he repeats. 

“so we can match.”

semi’s own face splits in half, a wide grin taking over. “ _so we can match_... well, you’ve come to the right place.” he snatches the bag, grabs tadashi’s shirt and pulls him into his small bathroom. 

“i was hoping you’d say that,” tadashi responds as semi leans beneath his sink. he pulls out some hair tie, a bowl, and a weird flat brush that looks like it might be used in a salon ( _it is, tadashi_ ). 

semi stands up fast and nearly knocks tadashi in the chin with his shoulder, who had been leaning over the former to see under the sink. semi apologizes as tadashi laughs, and semi scolds him for laughing because _i could’ve busted your lip._

“but ya didn’t.”

“but i could have.”

“but ya didn’t!”

“whatever, tadashi,” semi fakes irritation and shoves him with an open palm. 

they work together to take out the hair dye and pour it into semi’s bowl. they pour the first box into the bowl, which is probably more than enough for tadashi’s hair. semi explains to the other boy that he’ll add conditioner to the remaining bit of dye before he puts it on his own hair, so it’s lighter rather than darker. 

“so that’s what you did when you dyed it pink...” tadashi murmurs. 

semi laughs quietly, taking a couple of the hair ties and pulling them over his wrist. “exactly,” he says, then turns to the younger boy, who is now sitting on the toilet lid. “so you’ll do mine and i’ll do yours?”

he momentarily recalls the eyeliner competition they’d had a few weeks ago and gulps. here they were again, cramped into the same bathroom. 

if tadashi is thinking of it too, he shows no sign that he is. he nods his head confidently and semi looks down at his shirt. his nice shirt. 

“you like that shirt?”

this catches tadashi by surprise. he grabs the hem of it. “well, yeah—“

“take it off.”

semi watches the boys entire face bleed red and his lips purse together. _oh god, that’s not what i meant_ —

“so the dye doesn’t ruin it, tadashi.” he rolls his eyes and tadashi doesn’t miss that tiny smirk on semi’s lips. 

regardless, tadashi stands and grabs the shirt by the bottom hem, pulling it up and over his head in one smooth motion. semi tries not to watch out of the corner of his eye. 

when semi turns back to look at the younger, tadashi’s eyes are pointed down. 

“i have some junk shirts you can borrow if you want—“

“won’t you ruin your shirt too?” tadashi cuts him off. 

semi snaps his mouth shut and blinks once. twice. three times before responding. “yeah but i’m used to it,” he laughs it off. “here, let me go get you a junk shirt of mine. i promise i won’t mind if we get dye on it.” he winks at tadashi over his shoulder, who’s watching him intently. “i’ll be extra careful.”

when semi returns with a baby blue shirt, he hands it to tadashi and keeps his eyes pointed away from his bare chest, which, adorably so, is covered in the same freckles that splatter across his face. the ones semi spent so much time staring at when tadashi wasn’t paying attention. 

secretly, semi wishes he hadn’t offered a shirt, but he felt bad. he would’ve felt worse if he hadn’t offered anything at all. 

tadashi’s casual smile returns to his face as he pulls the shirt over his head. semi tried to get his eyes pointed away, he swears, but when he spares a glance he just... _just_...

semi bites his cheek again to keep his jaw from falling open. he and tadashi were practically the same height, basically the same weight, but seeing his shirt on someone else... on _tadashi_ of all people...

the shirt is stretched around the collar and has a hole near the bottom. it’s obvious he’s had it for literal years. there are even preexisting pink stains on the back, clashing with the baby blue. tadashi’s freckled collarbones are exposed to the open air. 

“so i’m first, huh?” he asks playfully, watching semi try to focus on mixing the dye and smoothing it onto the brush. 

“mhm,” semi hums. he pulls his phone out of his back pocket and lets tadashi pick some music to play. he takes the boys shoulders and sets him back down on the toilet lid. the album he picked is something semi feels like he’s heard before, with lots of guitar but a slow rhythm to it. 

“have you ever had dyed hair before today, tadashi?” semi asks him. he pulls his fingers through tadashi’s hair ever so gently and curses how soft it is. his fingertips are rough from guitar and palms rough from volleyball years ago, but he’s extra careful either way. he works the green part up and into his other hand, making sure to get every last piece before tying it off with the hair tie wrapped snugly around his wrist. 

semi stands close enough that his tilted knee barely brushes tadashi’s back. he feels it vibrate when tadashi speaks. 

“no, actually,” he responds slowly, like semi touching his hair has nearly put him to sleep. “i wasn’t allowed to.” 

semi clicks his tongue and reaches around tadashi to grab the bowl of dye and the brush. “what ever will your parents think?” he intrigues dramatically. “their only son, returning home with purple hair.”

tadashi laughs and shakes his head a little. semi splits the silver in half, clipping it up so the first section is thinner. he pauses for a second, only a second, before beginning to slather the deep purple on his hair. 

“what my mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

_“you haven’t come home in a while. what’s going on, son?”_

_“oh, i’ve just been—been busy. i’m sorry.”_

_busy avoiding telling you the truth._

there’s a silent implication there that semi wishes he could ignore. tadashi wouldn’t be returning home for a while, for whichever reason. semi almost asks, but he’s having such a good time with tadashi’s hair between his fingers and getting the opportunity the dye this kids hair for the very first time. besides, he’s not very good with comforting people. 

“well, i’m honored you asked me to do this for you,” semi responds. “i’m glad it was me instead of someone else.” 

_bad wordage, dude._

“by someone else, i mean you doing it alone in your room.”

_bad recovery, dude._

tadashi laughs again, and semi has to catch his breath because the laugh echoes with the song he’s playing. he can almost pick out the individual instruments in the song, almost, if he could pay more attention. for a while, neither of them speaks. semi can only focus on the hair in his hands, soaking in purple dye. tadashi’s natural hair shines under his bathroom light, and semi can almost count the freckles lining tadashi’s neck. 

it’s unreal how many freckles there are on this kid. semi can see the boys spine start just above the neckline of the shirt, and he can see every tiny shadow in the way that the shirt just hangs off him. when semi it wears it, it fits similarly. it’s worn out. there’s purple and pink dye on it. there’s purple dye on tadashi’s neck too. 

after a short bit, semi places the bowl back on the counter and pulls the dyed layer together into one little tail. it’s so dark semi worries it’ll blend in with the green of tadashi’s natural hair when it’s down. 

“done already?” tadashi asks as another song starts. semi leans down and looks at the boy sideways. “that was fast.”

he stands and for some reason semi is nervous that he won’t like it, even though it hasn’t even been rinsed or dried yet. tadashi looks into the mirror and semi can only watch in pure adoration as the boys face melts into a fascinated smile. he turns his head to see the purple better.

after several minutes of tadashi’s excited muttering, light dancing on his toes, semi has rinsed off his hands and flicked water is tadashi’s face when he laughed at how his hands stained purple. 

“you really should keep gloves in here with how often you dye your hair,” tadashi scolds him, voice airy and playful. semi flicks more water at him. 

“your hands will be the same way,” semi reminds him with a raised eyebrow. he sits on the toilet seat and wipes his hands on tadashi’s shirt to bug him even more. the boy barely even notices but semi feels him jolt beneath his finger tips. he almost laughs. 

“so,” tadashi assesses semi’s hair, which is lightly tangled and longer now than its ever been. “i have no idea what i’m doing.”

now semi really does laugh. he stands again and leans in front of tadashi to take a long look at the mess of his hair. he wishes he could’ve at least fixed it before tadashi showed up, but would it have even mattered? “honestly, just kinda brush it out with your fingers and then split it in different sections with some clips.”

tadashi puckers his lips from behind semi’s shoulder. “aw, eita has clips for his hair!”

semi turns on him with fake disdain, mouth parted in what he hoped was a disappointed look. tadashi bursts into a fit of giggles and semi has to look away before his face gets hot. “of course i do! i do my hair all the time, _like you said_.” he reaches behind him to poke tadashi in the stomach, who jumps at the contact and laughs even harder. 

semi gathers some clips from under the sink, where, tadashi learns later, houses everything semi could possible need for his hair. when he sits back down, tadashi stands in front of him and looks down at the other boy, green hair still stacked on his head to keep it away from the purple. he should look ridiculous but semi’s heart only races as he stares right back. 

tadashi takes a second to turn on a different album by what sounds like a different band. this time, it’s more upbeat and fast paced. tadashi does a little dance before winding his fingers through semi’s hair, pushing it back. 

_sweet jesus, it’s so soft_ , tadashi thinks privately. semi has never bleached his hair. he’s never had to, because it’s so naturally light. and all the dye he uses isn’t damaging, and he takes great pride in taking care of his hair. so naturally, yes, it’s soft. 

semi closes his eyes as tadashi continues to lightly untangle semi’s ashen locks, continuously pushing it back and out of semi’s face. as he does this, semi’s head falls back just a little bit. tadashi’s never seen his face like this before; so open, so soft. he’d seen semi asleep a few times before but even then, his hair covered parts of his face. with his hair pulled back like this, he looked so... _vulnerable_ , might be the word. 

semi sighs lightly when tadashi removes his fingers and gets to work parting his hair into sections as best as he could. he’s never done this before, and it doesn’t look great, but it’ll get the job done. 

tadashi starts in the back, after having mixed conditioner into the purple. it’s much lighter now, and tadashi silently wishes he’d done this color too. he places a piece of semi’s hair on his hand and drags dye over it, the dye cold on his hands. then he gets to work. 

the album never slows down, and tadashi soon finds himself dancing behind semi, who seemingly doesn’t have a clue. he sings quietly and semi listens more intently to him than to the actual music. semi has more hair to cover than tadashi did, so this time takes longer. 

tadashi tells semi about his day, about the cat he saw outside the science building. he tells him about the cat he had when he was younger, about his dad being allergic to cats. he tells him about his dad, how he was tall and slender and quiet, with similar hair to his own. he tells him about his mother, about how she was the opposite of his father. she was round and shorter, black hair and a bold attitude. they split when he was close to fourteen, and had danced back and forth between their houses. middle school had been quite the weird time. once he hit high school, he stopped seeing his dad so often. he tells semi he doesn’t really care, that they fought too often anyway, but there’s a stiffness to his voice when he speaks. 

semi tells tadashi about his own parents. about his mother, just as tall as semi, with her light blonde hair. she liked to bake and she was kind and polite before anything else. she was quiet and reserved, save for when she and semi’s younger sister had a dance off in the living room what seemed like every day (when he was younger, at least). he tells him about his dad, tall and stoic. his parents split when he was eight years old. he doesn’t tell tadashi he hasn’t seen his dad in... semi can’t remember how long. 

he does, however, tell him about his step dad. he was a boisterous man, loud and sometimes crass. he was tall but squishy, more approachable. he was hardworking and intelligent, and had always treated semi like his own son. both he and his mother loved loud music, and his step dad was the one who introduced semi to different instruments like piano, drums, and guitar. 

then there was his younger sister, born when semi was almost eleven. she was fast and quick witted, with hair to match his step dads. she was too smart for her own good and liked to play drums where semi picked up the bass guitar. 

tadashi doubles over laughing when semi tells him the story of the time his family showed up to one of his volleyball games, the three of them with signs that said _good luck eita_ , one word for each person, but his sister stood in the wrong spot and so the signs instead read _good eita luck_ . tadashi liked that phrase better than _good luck eita_. 

“i need me some of that good eita luck,” he whispers when his hands return to finish what he started. 

—

they stand shoulder to shoulder in semi’s tiny bathroom mirror. tadashi made a mess of semi’s neck and parts of his face, with purple dye on his nose and his eyebrows, his ears and his neck. tadashi only had dye on his neck, and semi gladly points that out. 

“look at my hands!” tadashi exclaims, thrusting his hands out in front of him. they’re stained purple and semi looks at them through the reflection before glancing down at his own. “look at your hands!”

semi had used darker dye on tadashi and so his hands were stained a darker color. he smiles at the stain again, just glad to have had this opportunity. he’s had pink hands before. purple was okay, too. 

tadashi turns with his hands still outstretched. he grabs semi’s wrist and holds up that hand, semi splaying out his fingers. there’s dye under his nails too. tadashi firmly presses their hands together, both of them getting a shock wave sent down their arms. 

“you have skinny fingers,” he states. 

semi can’t take his eyes off their touching hands. “so do you, though?”

“but yours are more slender,” tadashi responds coolly. with both stained hands, he grabs semi’s fingers, one by one. he can see old splits at the ends, calluses on his palms. those places have stained darker than other places. tadashi runs his hands over the tips of semi’s fingers, drags them down the front and over semi’s palm ever so slowly. painfully slow. deliberately slow. 

“um—“ semi clears his throat but he can’t seem to move his hand away. tadashi grabs the whole hand with both his own now, almost pulling it closer to his chest. almost. finally, he looks up at semi and semi can hardly breathe. “yours has probably been in long enough. i’d say it’s safe to wash it out now.”

realization dawns in the boys face. tadashi blinks and doesn’t let go. that’s not weird, right? he’s just holding his... hand... not weird at all. not a big deal. “uh... eita?”

“yes?”

“i... didn’t bring any clothes with me.”

semi pauses before his face scrunches up. “you can wear some of my stuff. we’re the same size.”

“okay, but i don’t wanna—“

with the hand tadashi isn’t holding, semi lifts a finger to the boys lips to silence him. “ah—enough of that. i don’t mind. you can rinse yours out so mine has time to sit—i can go get you something—uh—something to wear.”

_shit. more of my clothes. on him. he’s gonna shower in my bathroom. in my shower. and get out. and wear my clothes. in my room._

tadashi lets go of his hand and semi takes it back slow, so he avoids making it look like he’s snatching it back. semi turns on his heel and heads toward his dresser next to his desk, digging through each drawer to find clothes. 

“eita?” tadashi calls from the bathroom. 

“yeah?”

“where are your towels?” a pause. “ones you don’t mind possibly getting purple.” there’s a grin in his voice. 

semi’s head dips forward as he fights his own growing grin. “in the little cabinet thing behind the door. there’s a white one in there with pink already on it—just use that one.”

he returns to find tadashi holding the pink stained towel with a mildly surprised look on his face. his eyes are shining but he looks a little bit nervous. semi hands him a stack of clothes (black shorts and a super soft navy blue shirt). tadashi takes it and makes some sly remark about stealing all of semi’s softest shirts. 

semi bites back the urge to say he wouldn’t mind. 

while tadashi showers, semi waits on his bed. his hair is plastered to his head and it’s a little too warm in his room. he gets his own (second) set of pajamas ready and turns the tv on between tendou and semi’s side. he also takes this opportunity to sort of clean up the mess he and tendou had magically created in the span of maybe three days. 

the sun set long ago and semi takes a second to peer out his window, down at the campus below. people are still out and about, headed to dinner, or a party, or back to their dorms. he thinks about tendou, now grateful he left so they could have to dorm to themselves. he sighs. 

_when i get my own place..._

semi couldn’t really play music like he wanted to in public dorm with people in rooms above, below, and beside him. tendou tried to convince him sometimes to just “go ham” and do it anyway, but semi refuses. he doesn’t play after certain times in the night out of respect for others, even if he really wants to. 

the bathroom door creaks open and semi leans back to peer out of his closet, which he was definitely not shoving most of his mess into. he can’t see tadashi from here. 

“how does it look?” semi steps backward out of the closet and finds tadashi standing in the doorway of the bathroom, mouth parted slightly as he stares at himself in the mirror. semi doesn’t even have time to keep up with all the thoughts in his head as they pour in one after the other. 

one, tadashi’s hair looks _incredible_ and it’s not even dry yet. he’s running his stained fingers through it with a look of both amazement and pride. 

two, he’s wearing semi’s clothes. _again_. the shorts hang off his bony hips and the shirt looks like it belongs on him, not anyone else. 

three, tadashi turns to semi with the widest smile semi’s ever seen on him. his heartbeat pounds all the way into his head, and his chest constricts so fast he feels like he can’t breathe. has anyone ever looked at semi like that?

“i _love_ it!” they both exclaim at the same time. tadashi’s face blooms red and semi takes a few steps toward him, amazed he can even keep his balance. tadashi is still staring at himself and semi takes this opportunity to run his fingers through the boys hair, watching the dark colors blend together over his skin. 

semi’s fingers slide over the nape of tadashi’s neck, lifting the hair and watching it all fall back down. they’re both fascinated but the tiny moments like these are what will stick out to tadashi the most when he recalls this night later on. his skin is covered in goose bumps and he’s surrounded by the smell of semi, the soft linen of his clothes, the grapefruit of his shampoo. 

semi removes his hands and dips into the bathroom with a quick i’ll be right out. tadashi watches the door shut and when he hears the water turn on, he finally exhales. slapping his hands on his face, he makes for semi’s bed and promptly collapses face first into the pile of pillows, which, amazingly, also smells like him. like that shampoo. like sleep. like semi. 

tadashi leans up eventually and peers around the room. the closet door is open and he snorts when he sees the clothes semi tried to hide. he glances over tendou’s side of the room, over the hundreds of pictures taped to the walls, the mountains of pillows and stuffed animals, the blanket thrown lazily over top. his lamp has a red cover over it. there are tons of shoes stuffed under the bed. 

semi’s side is slightly more organized, more semi-like. there’s a picture frame of him with his family by the lamp, some pictures of him with his shiratorizawa teammates on the wall, as well as some guys tadashi doesn’t recognize. in those, they’re all, including semi, holding some sort of instrument. 

there’s one of tendou and semi together, black eyeliner thick and hair crazed and wild. they’re both sticking their tongues out, tendou wide eyed and semi closing his eyes hard. the picture is blurry. 

his sheets are navy blue like the shirt tadashi wears. the blanket is black and the pillows are all different colors. his closet is mostly dark colors with a couple super bright colors every now and then. 

the deep purple bass guitar tadashi admired so much sat on a stand next to the closet, glimmering in all its glory. he’s tempted to get up and hold it, just to see—

“tadashi!”

he jumps. “eita?”

“um—my pajamas are out there!” he’s yelling even though tadashi can hear him well enough now that the water isn’t running. “can you—can you grab them for me? please?”

a wave of embarrassment washes over him for half a second. his face floods with heat but he searches for the pajamas anyway. the pile is sitting by his feet on the floor. tadashi grabs it and heads to the bathroom, swearing up and down he’ll just toss them onto the counter and leave with his eyes closed tight. 

if semi is watching for him, tadashi never finds out. with his eyes squeezed shut, he pushes open the door and places the clothes on what he assumes in the sink counter. 

“there, on the counter!” the moisture from the air sticks to his skin and he slams the door on his way out. 

after a deep inhale and a shaky exhale, he collapses back on semi’s bed. he’ll never get used to the smell. he’ll never be prepared for semi to walk out of that goddamn bathroom, hair sticking to his face and neck, clad in cozy pajamas, face flushed. he’s not ready and the universe throws it at him anyway. 

“eita...” tadashi exhales again, for probably the fiftieth time tonight. he jumps off the bed and crosses the room in two strides. semi had dipped his hands in tadashi’s hair; it’s only fair he gets to do the same. 

semi is squinting and shaking his hair out with his hands when tadashi touches the longer pieces with shaking fingers. the lilac is lighter on top and darker when the ends of his hair gets closer to a black color. tadashi leans into him and they stare at themselves in the bathroom mirror. tadashi’s hair is mostly dry by now. he laughs at the way semi’s hair sticks to his forehead. there’s purple dye on his neck, stained similarly to their hands. 

tadashi ruffles his hands through semi’s hair again. and again. semi never objects. how could he?

they spend the rest of the night with tadashi on the bed, semi sitting between his legs. he plugged in tendou’s game console and they play video games for hours on end, screaming when one began to lose and cheering when one began to win. semi was sure his dorm neighbors hated him, but tadashi’s legs were pressed to his shoulders, tadashi was wearing his clothes, tadashi took the chance to lean over semi’s head to look at him upside down. 

_how bad could a noise complaint be when a boy this cute runs his hands through my hair? yells at me when i beat him? yells at me when he beats me?_

how bad could anything at all be, when tadashi invades semi’s space like this? when semi turns around to shove tadashi backwards onto his bed? when they laugh until they cry? the world could be cruel, but did that really matter when they had each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what would this fic be even these two didnt have matching hair at least once...


	4. wish me luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a real house for a real band is acquired

wish me luck (by wallows) —


early may

**eita !!:** _what are you doing Right This Very Second_

**tadashi :):** _lying on the floor_

**eita !!:** _no time for that!_

**tadashi :):** _but the floor is nice :(_

**eita !!:** _i agree, but you know what’s nicer?_

**tadashi :):** _hmm?_

**eita !!:** _dinner with you_

**tadashi :):** _ohhh i like where this is going_

**eita !!:** _and my friends_

 **eita !!:** _my bandmates_

 **eita !!:** _HOUSE mates, if u will_

**tadashi :):** _WAIT WHAT??_

**tadashi :) is calling...**

_“eita!”_

_“yes, tadashi?”_

_“explain!”_

_“oh, that’s what the dinner is for! i have an announcement to make. well, the others that are coming already know, but i wanted to formally tell you.”_

_“the announcement is for me?”_

_“i wanted it to be a surprise, but alas, i suck at keeping secrets.”_

_“so you got a house?! you guys are finally forming a real band?!?”_

_“all will be revealed at dinner!”_

_“eita.”_

_“tadashi.”_

_“tell me right now.”_

_“no can do. you should go get ready though.”_

_“eita!”_

_“tadashi.”_

_“please tell me.”_

_“i can hear the puppy dog eyes you’re making over the phone. it won’t work! just get dressed and i’ll meet you in twenty.”_

_“only twenty minutes! are you insane?”_

_“maybe.”_

_“can i come to yours?”_

_“of course... savor the last moments of this cursed public dorm space.”_

_“fine. i’ll be there soon.”_

_“bring that purple eyeliner, will you?”_

_“only if you ask nicely.”_

_“pleeeeaase, tadashiiiii?”_

_“...fine.”_

_“you’re the best.”_

_“obviously.”_

**tadashi :)... hung up.**

—

“you’re already dressed,” semi states in surprise as tadashi, wearing ripped dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt with a green jacket over top, bursts in through the door. semi leaves it unlocked for that particular reason. tendou leaps from his spot on his bed. 

“tadashiiii!” tendou exclaims, earning a golden smile from the younger. “how are you, my boy?”

“stressed! eita won’t tell me what he’s talking about!” tadashi points an accusing finger at an already dressed semi.

tendou turns to semi with false disappointment. “eita, why won’t you tell him what you’re talking about?”

“what _am_ i talking about?” semi asks, confused. tadashi sighs and crosses the room without even taking in the scenery. he shoves the purple eyeliner pen into semi’s chest. 

“i nearly forgot it and had to run back by the time i was already half way here,” tadashi complains. semi bites his cheek to keep from laughing. 

“it’s not too big a deal... i’m sorry.”

tendou groans. “no flirting in my field of vision, _please_!”

both boys turn red instantly. tadashi shakes his head and finally takes in the room around him. there are boxes everyone, plastic containers with clothes and photo albums. a guitar case sits on the bed. there’s nothing on the walls. nothing in the closet. there’s a small suitcase that semi called his _survival bag_ propped against the bed frame. 

“you’re... packed up.”

tendou claps large hands on the boys shoulders with a sigh. his chin rests on tadashi’s heads. “sad, isn’t it? baby eita finally going out on his own.”

semi rolls his eyes. tadashi takes in the dark traces of black beneath his lower lashes. he’ll never stop being surprised to see how pretty semi really is. 

“what about you, tendou?” tadashi asks without moving his head. 

“i’m a big boy, too! eita got some cool rent house for his cool little band and ushijima and i decided to get an apartment together,” he explains coolly. his voice is smooth in tadashi’s ears. “we’re finally saying goodbye to these ridiculous public dorms.” he sighs and his voice is dreamy. he must be thinking about ushijima.

semi scoffs and crosses his arms in his beautiful semi eita way. “you make it sound like i’ll never see you again.”

“that won’t happen,” tendou grins. tadashi can feel it. “i won’t allow it.”

“so you and the guys... you’re all gonna live together?”

tadashi briefly recalls one of the few times he’d hung out with semi and his sort of band mates. they couldn’t really gather in the dorms and play to their hearts content, it their little band was never official. more of a thing to do for fun, semi explained. however, tadashi had watched him grow closer to konoha (who he studied chemistry with), atsumu (who often went with them to lunch), and even hinata (who tadashi had no idea could even play guitar until the first time they reunited since graduation).

_“yamaguchi? what are you doing here?”_

_“hinata? what are you doing here!?”_

_“i play music with eita sometimes! me and atsumu practice when we’re not studying! we—“_

tadashi had scolded semi for not telling him he played music with one of his high school friends. semi had sheepishly apologized and said _honestly, i just forgot._

“yep!” semi can’t help but smile at his accomplishment. “i wanted to tell you over dinner but—“

“you suck at keeping secrets.” 

tendou hasn’t moved yet. tadashi doesn’t mind. 

“exactly.”

tadashi smiles gently at semi, then his face splits open and he throws his arms in the air without any warning for tendou. “that’s so great! you guys can finally practice together! no worrying about neighbors or parents or anything like that!”

“and i think... we’re officially doing it.”

his eyes widen. “doing what?”

“putting a band together. a real one,” semi’s eyes are glittering. “we played together every now and then, sure, but... this is real. i think.”

“it’s—i’m—eita, you—“

“are you—“

tadashi jumps forward and throws his arms around semi’s neck. his chin rests on semi’s shoulder to keep from burying his face in the mans unfairly soft hair. semi’s wearing a slick black jacket even though it’s warm outside ( _who are you to judge while also wearing jacket, tadashi?_ ) so the vibrations of his laughter is muffled as tadashi’s hands fall on his back. semi doesn’t want him to ever let go. and to be honest, he wasn’t really expecting this kind of reaction. 

semi’s hands trail down tadashi’s arms as they pull apart until they’re not touching at all. neither of them can wipe their grins off their faces and tendou could gag at the sweetness of it all. 

“i’m so _proud_ of you, eita.”

tendou can’t miss the sparkle in semi’s nervous eyes, the slight squint to maintain control over the waterworks. tendou makes a mental note of this moment, to remember the look of wonderful, raw adoration on semi’s face upon being praised by a boy he’d spent so much time with. 

tendou had never seen semi look at anyone that way. tendou had seen plenty of other people look at semi that way; he was a true heartthrob. the red head breathes in his sigh and leans between them both, mouth splitting into a grin. 

“you’re gonna be late.”

—

“we’re _not_ gonna be late.”

“we already _are_ late.”

“as if any of them are ever on time anyway!”

“konoha is literally _always_ on time, what are you talking—“

“atsumu and hinata share one collective brain cell! they run on the same schedule. and they’re _always_ late.”

“doesn’t mean _we_ should be late.”

“we’ll be fine. if you hadn’t been all mushy gushy back there, we could’ve left sooner.”

tadashi stops in his tracks and shoots an evil glare at semi. “ _excuse_ me! i’m just trying to be a supportive friend!” 

semi laughs nervously and takes tadashi’s wrist to pull him along. “i’m only joking with you, tadashi.” he releases the boys wrist when he’s caught up to him. “that was—was a bad joke.”

their boots stomp in time with each other before long, adding background music to their gentle banter. tadashi has removed his jacket and tied it around the waist; his shirt loose and stretched around the collar. his style had been heavily influenced over the nine or so months of knowing semi eita. 

it was nearing summer, and the two of them were stupid enough to wear a jacket. in may. 

semi’s classes were basically done for the year and he explained to tadashi that they’d be moving in this coming week. tadashi promised semi he would’ve helped them if he hadn’t already promised to go home to see his mother before summer break really began. 

_“i’m not ready to go home.”_

_semi rubs circles into his wrist. “you’ll have to come back to see me.”_

tadashi kicks that thought to the curb. he turns to semi, who’s chewing spearmint gum that tadashi can smell from here. his bubbles suck, and tadashi had warned him watermelon gum was the best for bubbles, but semi didn’t listen. his lower lash line is darkened and there’s a line of purple eyeliner across his eyes, topped with traces of silver glitter. his hair frames his face effortlessly, and tadashi wishes he’d dye it again. 

“do you really think i was too mushy gushy back there?” tadashi asks. his voice is quiet but he tries to hide any signs of fear. semi stiffens, either way. 

“no!” semi turns to him with an incredulous look in his eyes. “ _no_. no, i promise that was just a joke.”

they carry on walking, tadashi’s eyes pointed downward. “just making sure. i can—i can just not do that again, if—“

semi stops his by grabbing his wrist again. tadashi stands and takes in the space between them. “it was a bad joke. tadashi, look at me.”

tadashi looks up and semi takes in the blush across his nose, the small eyeliner heart beneath his right eye. the silver of his under layer of hair shines through. he’s trying to mask his disappointment. 

_“you’re crying? it was just a joke, tadashi!”_

_“but—“_

_“you’re gonna have to get used to it. people aren’t always going to be kind.”_

_“i’m sorry, k—“_

_“don’t apologize, either. just suck it up and move on.”_

_he wasn’t always like that._

“you can be as mushy gushy as you want. it’s not a problem,” semi says genuinely. quietly. he lets go of his wrist and lets tadashi lead the way. the air lightens when they go back and forth shoving shoulders and poking arms.

—

“ _there_ you are!” konoha’s voice echoes to reach them as semi and tadashi approach the table. his grayish-blond hair is as messy as ever, with faint traces of blue on the ends. he’s wearing loose, ripped black jeans and a white band shirt tadashi doesn’t recognize (semi does, and smiles knowingly). he’s glaring pointedly at semi, who only winks at him. “late again, eita!”

“apologies,” semi chuckles. konoha saved them a huge half moon booth, and semi and tadashi slide into the left side one after the other. “at least we’re not as late as the other two.”

tadashi glances at the other empty side of 

the table. “where are they, anyway?” 

konoha takes an irritated sip of his drink. “how should i know?” he sets the cup down and opens his mouth again. “i’ve been sitting here for like—“

“five minutes?” another voice asks teasingly. tadashi glances up and sees the great miya atsumu smirking down at all of them. “relax, konoha, at leas’ i’m _fashionably late_.”

semi cringes at that and rests his crossed arms on the table, watching as atsumu sits. similarly to konoha, there are faint traces of color in his hair, like pink or red. he’s the only one at the table without any form of glitter on him anywhere and tadashi is suddenly hyper aware of how he looks. atsumu grins at him like a shark before properly saying hello to everyone at the table. 

“i’m here!” a fifth voice yells. “i’m here, i swear!” 

konoha and semi both wince, but tadashi knows that voice better than any of them. short stack hinata shoyo is bolting toward their table, jean jacket flying behind him. everything was a race with him. he was always going full speed. 

“hinata! finally!” atsumu claps the small boys back. well, sort of small. he’d gotten taller since their first year at karasuno (even if only slightly) and his arms didn’t look like they could be snapped in half as easily anymore. 

hinata finds his seat next to atsumu, across from tadashi. he greets everyone individually, and his smile infects everyone around him. konoha is no longer angry for having to sit alone for a solid five minutes, tadashi has forgotten semi’s comment from earlier, and no one is cringing at atsumu’s fashionably late comment anymore. 

their waiter comes to take everyone's drink order. they assess the group of boys with wide, unsure eyes. boys with dyed hair, ear piercings, jean jackets. tadashi has to laugh at the thought of someone being unsure about his group. 

_his_ group. is that even the right word? he was only here because of semi. they’d be forming a real band and tadashi would... be the outsider. doubt creeps into his heart. 

_eita will be with them, living with them and practicing music all the time. he won’t have time to see me for lunch. he won’t have time for movie nights or video games or—_

semi’s hand drops below the table and rests over tadashi’s clamped hands he’s hiding in his lap. through the contact bleeds warmth and a certain level of calmness, and tadashi takes a second to breathe. he turns his focus back to the boys at the table with him, all talking loudly and laughing like nothing else matters beyond this point. 

then, semi crosses their ankles together and tadashi smiles ever so gently. all the while, semi and konoha are arguing over who’ll get a room to themselves. atsumu and hinata are talking about some dogs they’d seen on their way here. 

“there’s _three_ rooms!”

“yeah.”

“and _four_ of us!”

“i know!”

“so i call dibs on my own room.”

“wait, that’s not how that works!”

“that’s _exactly_ how it works!”

“yer all stupid.”

“don’t say that.”

“first two to lose at rock-paper-scissors has to room together. the other two get rooms to themselves.”

“deal!”

“i’m gonna beat you all!”

“rock-paper-scissors is more a game of chance, though...”

“shut it, eita!”

semi and hinata ended up winning their own rooms. atsumu thought it was fair for hinata to have his own, since kageyama would probably be with him almost all the time. he did, however, argue that it mostly certainly was not fair for semi to get his own, even though it really was, since semi won. atsumu was the first to lose, in fact. konoha had dropped his head onto the table upon hearing he’d be rooming with atsumu. 

semi smiles at them all secretly, drinking in their laughter and their banter. they’re such an odd group, but it works.

—

“so you’re going home this weekend?” semi asks lightly. they’re walking back to tadashi’s dorm, hopefully to achieve some packing before friday. when tadashi came back from visiting home, he’d have a week to completely pack up his dorm and take everything back home. 

it’d make more sense to just pack it all up now and go home, without having to come back, but tadashi needed an excuse to prolong his time here with semi before they were apart for who knows how long. 

“yeah,” tadashi replies. “just for a few days, just to see her.”

“your mother?”

a soft smile. “yeah.”

“how—how long has it been?”

tadashi glances at him now, realizes semi isn’t even looking at him. “well, a few weeks but—“

“i — i feel like i should go home. just to visit,” semi interrupts sheepishly, hurriedly. tadashi looks at him again, searching his face for answers. _where was this coming from?_

“then do it,” he responds easily, like that’s the only answer semi could possibly need. “after you all move into the house. go home.”

“i...” semi mulls over the words. he wants to tell him the truth, wants to be honest, but the words don’t come to him. he was usually so sure, confident, bold even. even if that confidence had to be faked at first. 

_“so... that’s your high school friend?”_

_“yeah, we’ve been dorming together for three years too.”_

_“what’s his name again?”_

_“tendou. satori.”_

_“i see.”_

_“you don’t remember him?”_

_“sort of... i remember the hair and his weird eyes.”_

_“his eyes are not weird. don’t say that.”_

_“don’t get so wound up, eita. you defend him like your life depends on it.”_

_“well, yeah, he’s my best friend and you’re making fun of him.”_

_“it’s a meaningless joke.”_

_“don’t say things like that.”_

_“is he... special to you?”_

_“special? wh—what?”_

_“you know what i mean, eita.”_

_“he’s—oh my god, no. tendou is my best friend. naturally, i’m going to stand up for him when people make fun of him—“_

_“i wasn’t making fun. i wanted to test your reaction.”_

_“are you—are you insane? what is—what’s so wrong with—“_

_“is tendou your boyfriend?”_

semi had to leave. he had locked himself in his room, one that didn’t really belong to him anymore, and cried. genuinely cried. he didn’t call anyone, didn’t get up to go back to his dorm. his head was just a whirlwind he couldn’t find his way out of. 

_“no, he’s — no. it’s not like that.”_

semi hadn’t thought of tendou like that since... their first year of high school. even then, he feared those feelings. he hid them, but that was more of a personal decision, not one he made out of fear for how his parents would react. 

_“as long as you’re not gay, eita.”_

_“i’m — wh — okay, i think i’m going to bed now.”_

_“what? was it something i said?”_

_“no, i’m — i’m just tired.”_

_“listen, eita—you can be whoever you want but... there’s a line—“_

_“i said i’m going to bed.”_

truthfully, semi always admired his stepdad. he was kind and funny, helpful and smart. semi never imagined he’d have a reaction like that... even if he had just been making assumptions. the feeling didn’t sit right with semi at all. he never told his mother, didn’t even mention it to his sister. semi didn’t dare tell tadashi. not until now, anyway. 

“i don’t know how... comfortable i’d feel if i... went home.”

“what do you mean?”

_he’s packed back up. he’s gripping his bag straps until his knuckles turn white. his mother, stepdad, and sister all stand and watch him as he makes for the door._

_“there’s something i need to tell you. all of you.”_

he was twenty one years old, damnit. semi had known he was bisexual by the age of fourteen, and he came to fully accept himself by seventeen. it took years of internal arguing and constant self doubt to finally, truly come to a conclusion. to be able to know himself completely, to be able to tell himself the truth. accept how he felt. 

“over christmas, i came out to my family.”

it sounds embarrassing saying it out loud. semi never felt the need to come out to anyone at all, because he never thought he owed anyone an explanation. besides, he’d never really liked — _truly_ liked — someone until recently...

“it was after tendou came to visit.”

they’ve entered tadashi’s building. he’s watching semi with wary eyes as they get into the elevator. 

“my step dad... he made some weird comments about tendou. i stood up for him, of course. but — but he mistook that for... i guess for a relationship?” semi fights the urge to smash his palms into his eyes. the elevator door opens. 

“he asked if we were dating.” 

tadashi unlocks his door. goshiki is nowhere in sight. 

“he — he had said _as long as you’re not gay, eita_. he said that. to me.”

tadashi shuts the door after semi enters. semi is standing in the middle of the room with his shoes still on. he’s staring at the scuffs, remembering the exact face his stepdad had made when he said those words, remembering how shocked and sick he had felt. tadashi moves to stand in front of him. 

_“i’m — i’m bisexual.”_

_silence._

_“i’ve known for a while but i —“_

semi remembers the way his little sister, all of ten years old, rushed forward to hug him. he remembers the gentle smile on his mother’s face. he remembers... the furrow of his stepdads brows. the slight downward pull of his lips. he remembers them saying goodbye, and how tightly his mother hugged him. 

no one cared except for his step dad. semi would’ve rather him be outwardly aggressive about it, that way semi could have a solid reason to be angry at his intolerance. instead, he was quietly disappointed. like it affected him in any way, like semi’s love life was any of his business. 

his hands pull into tight fists, and he’s not quite sure what to do with himself. semi can feel tadashi watching him, but he doesn’t know what to say. tadashi gently takes his fists, pulling apart his fingers and rubbing his thumb over semi’s knuckles. it’s small, but it’s grounding. like an anchor. 

“so that’s why you haven’t gone home yet...” tadashi concludes quietly. 

“i was gonna go home this summer, work my ass off and aim for an apartment closer to july or august. but that happened and... i was just — just completely taken aback.”

tadashi pulls semi’s hand into his chest. 

“i admire him so much... he’s always been so kind... i never expected that sort of reaction,” semi explains out loud. speaking about it, acknowledging that it happened, is like he’s reliving it. the memory and all its details are playing behind his eyes in high quality, stabbing him in all the worst places. 

semi never took the time to assess how that interaction made him feel. he just took it and threw a blanket over it so no one could see, hiding under the bed. by ignoring it, it seems he only made it worse. revisiting it now felt like ripping open poorly done stitches. 

“but your mom... and your sister—“

“what if i go home and he gets _mad_ at me?”

tadashi looks up and finds semi staring at him, scanning his face like he’s looking for answers. “so what if he does?”

“what if... what if i bring a boy home? what if i _marry_ a man? what if he doesn’t want me around anymore? what if—“

“eita, listen,” tadashi shushes him gently. “you are grown. you’re strong, brave. bold, too. only you know what’s in your heart. only you know what it wants, what it needs.” 

“but—“

“what he says doesn’t matter. what matters is that you do what needs to be done in order to make _yourself_ happy.”

_i know that all too well. you have to listen to me, eita._

semi’s hand twists into the fabric of tadashi’s shirt. he feels like he wants to cry, but his eyes just burn. there are no tears. that’s okay, because tadashi knows how to handle boys that never learned how to cry. 

“i just want—“

“hey—“

“i want to feel _comfortable_. accepted. loved.”

_oh no._

tadashi squeezes his hand again, desperately wanting to just reach out and squeeze semi’s face instead. he can’t read his expression, can’t tell what he needs. he just wants to hold him. maybe semi just needs to be held. 

“eita.”

semi looks at up, eyes wide and horrifyingly dry. 

“you are _so_ valid. okay? valid and accepted and _loved_.”

impossibly, his eyes widen even more. tadashi pulls his wrist until he can wrap his arms all the way around semi. semi is stunned to find his chin tucked in tadashi’s neck, warm and inviting. eyes burning, he can feel the waterworks turning, cogs shifting like an old and rusty machine. semi usually had such a good hold on his emotions, never letting himself go overboard, but here he was. 

in tadashi’s arms.

“don’t you ever forget that, you hear me, eita?” tadashi whispers into his hair. his arms lock together and semi sees no sign of escape, not that he even wants that. he could collapse on the floor and be held for hours and that’d be fine by him. 

“ _why_?”

“hm?”

“why are you so nice to me?” semi asks quietly. his arms find their place wrapped loosely around tadashi’s waist. the fabric of his jacket rubs into semi’s skin. he needs answers. 

tadashi doesn’t even hesitate. “because you deserve it. because _you’re_ nice to _me_. because i never want you to feel like you don’t belong.”

he takes a breath. semi holds his own. 

“because i like you, eita. really,” his grip tightens slightly. “every single bit of you.”

_so that’s what this feeling is. the touching, the looks, the butterflies. i don't know when it truly began... when i wanted to be around him all the time. don’t know when i started wanting to be close to him, touching him in some way. but that’s what this is. i know that now. i like him. there’s no denying it._

tadashi feels semi shake and hot tears seep into the collar of his shirt. he bites his cheek to keep a hold on his emotions, saving this moment for semi to have to himself. semi holds on just a little tighter, and tadashi doesn’t let go until semi has stopping shaking. 

—

goshiki texted tadashi and said he’d be out for the night.

eventually, they moved to tadashi’s bed, where he continued to hold semi in comfortable silence. surrounded by pillows with a soft sunset light shining over semi’s head, tadashi could only admire him as the boy slept. he had shifted a couple times, to get closer. whether that was accidental or on purpose, tadashi wasn’t sure. 

tadashi had taken that chance to run gentle fingers through semi’s hair, who sighed in response to the touch. with his eyes still shut, he made one small invitation, a sort of question.

“come live with us.”

tadashi’s hands stopped. semi risked opening his eyes ever so slightly. his eyes burned from the light and from crying for the first time since that dreadful night. 

“the guys won’t mind.” a gentle tug of tadashi’s shirt. “want you with me...” his eyes closed again. 

tadashi watched in amazement as that boy slowly fell back asleep. he began running his fingers through his hair again and laughed ever so quietly, even risked placing a small kiss to the top of semi’s ashen hair. 

“only because you asked nicely.”

tadashi didn’t see the supposedly sleeping semi eita smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme give u a hug :(


	5. davy crochet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an old home and a new one too

davy crochet (by the backseat lovers) —

several days later 

tadashi returned home that friday evening after a lunch out with semi. neither of them dared address the elephant in the room; tadashi _had_ told semi he liked him. maybe semi thought he meant it in a friendly way... but he also held him for hours, running his fingers through his hair, kissing his head...

_shit. why did i do that? why haven’t we talked about it? it was fine, right? totally. probably._

doing those things _with_ semi, _to_ semi, _for_ semi... they all felt so natural. tadashi spent much of his life second guessing what he should do or say, but that never really happens anymore. with semi, he does what he wants without even thinking twice. semi never seems to mind. 

_does he... like me too?_

either way, tadashi didn’t mention that part when he finally saw his mother. she had picked him up from the train station and had hugged him so tight, tighter than ever before. she treated them to strawberry milkshakes and never stopped asking questions about his college experience. 

she asked about his friends and tadashi briefly talked about semi and all his bandmates, even daring to tell her about the house he’d be moving into. he was too afraid to tell her he’d be... moving in _with_ them, though. 

_what the hell?! moving in with him. tadashi, you’re moving in with him! you’re gonna live with him! you’ll get to hear him play all the time! why haven’t you stopped to think about that?!_

regardless, tadashi told his mother about all his friends and all their shenanigans. he told her about semi’s favorite diner (he lied and said it was his own favorite) and all the cats across campus, about goshiki and tendou. 

why was he lying, you ask? why was it so hard for him to tell his mother he wouldn’t be returning home for the summer? that he’d be living somewhere else? 

first, he thought he’d be back in his childhood home this summer, even if for the last time. he wasn’t prepared for any of this. second, she still doesn’t know tadashi isn’t even friends with kei— _tsukishima_ —anymore. if he tells her he’s going to live with someone he’s barely told her about, she’ll certainly to ask about tsukishima. 

he didn’t know how to tell her. she’ll ask why they’re not friends, and he’d have to revisit that god awful night where tsukishima looked at him with tears in his eyes, trying to explain himself. 

_“i didn’t think i could do it, but—“_

_“you’re not playing fair.”_

tadashi would then have to explain to his mother that he was, in fact, in love with his childhood best friend. he’d have to tell her exactly how it happened, why it happened, and how tsukishima reacted. he’d have to tell her he’s gay. and similar to semi, tadashi never really felt the need to come out at all. either people would figure it out, or they wouldn’t. 

friday night, she asked him the dreaded question.

_“tadashi, how is kei doing? when will i see him again? he must be hiding from me.”_

_“mom, i need to tell you something.” his gut twists. “we’re not friends anymore.”_

_“what? why not?”_

_“i told him something i trusted him with. he—he didn’t talk to me for months.”_

_“you never told me this!”_

_“right before i moved away, he brought it up again... but i didn’t wanna hear it. he had ignored me for months when i needed him most.”_

_“what did you tell him that’d make him ignore you?! i—oh, tadashi.”_

he may or may not have cried that night. tadashi let her hold him and he cried tears he didn’t know he still had; it’d been almost a year since the event and he’d cried about it so much between now and then that he thought he’d never cry about it again. 

saturday, they spent the whole day around town, driving past his old high school, his old middle school. they ate dinner at his favorite restaurant. tadashi could feel old wounds heal, even just a little bit. keeping secrets from the one person you can always trust hurts more than anything else in the whole world. 

sunday came around and tadashi finally got the nerve to tell his mother he’d be moving in with semi and his friends this summer. he told her he didn’t know how long it would last, but that it’s definitely what he wanted. she bombarded him with questions of who would live with him, how he’d pay his part, what they all did for a living, what they were studying. 

_“actually... they all play music. eita is a barista too.”_

_“you talk about eita a lot.”_

_his faces goes hot. “i know.”_

upon dropping him off at the station, she gave him a hug to rival the one she’d given him when he arrived on friday. the weekend flashes behind tadashi’s eyelids. the future rides in on a train headed for his new home. he may or may not have cried saying goodbye to his mother, which may or may not have caused her to cry too. 

“say hi to eita for me, son! i love you!” she yells at him as the train door gets ready to slide shut. she’s waving violently and he waves right back. 

**tadashi :):** _on the train back rn :))_

**eita !!:** _miss u hurry up_

 **eita !!:** _oh also . i’ll be there waiting for u_

 **eita !!:** _u got some PACKIN TO DOOOO_

 **eita !!:** _right?_

**tadashi :):** _yEAAHHHH_

**tadashi :):** _she’s excited for me_

tadashi wants to tell semi about telling his mother the truth, the whole truth about what happened with tsukishima last summer. he doesn’t, though, because he hasn’t even properly told semi the story. he never felt like he needed to. hopefully he’d never have to. 

**eita !!:** _cool, i knew she would_

 **eita !!:** _we’re all mostly moved in, my stuff is still in boxes though sigh_

 **eita !!:** _atsumu and i went and got furniture his parents didn’t need anymore lolol_

 **eita !!:** _AND hinata said he’d order us food tonight, so you’ve got that to look forward to too_

 **eita !!:** _they’re all excited_

 **eita !!:** _but i miss you so hurry up_

**tadashi :):** _i can’t rush the train eita :|_

 **tadashi :):** _bet no ones as excited as me_

 **tadashi :):** _i can’t wait to like,,, redecorate my own space i always have fun doing that_

**eita !!:** _me too dude me too_

 **eita !!:** _u sure u can’t rush the train? i’m impatient_

**tadashi :):** _i miss you too loser_

**eita !!:** _ >:)) _

**tadashi :)** : _also, did you ever go home?_

read at 11:27 a.m.

—

tadashi got off the train and found semi eita waiting for him just past his platform. he was tempted to ask semi why he hadn’t responded to his text, but when tadashi stepped up to him, semi had smiled so wide. he tucked the question in the back of his mind and focused on fighting the butterflies in his stomach.

tadashi could fight those butterflies all he wanted, but semi held his hand the entire way back to his dorm. 

“is this okay?”

“yeah,” he breathed. “definitely.”

—

“please tell me that’s tadashi and not an intruder!” 

tadashi shuts the door behind semi before leaning sideways to find goshiki with his head shoved inside of his closet. semi glances around and finds his old classmates room to be half way packed up. except for... his closet. there were clothes and shoes strung everywhere. 

“goshiki, since when did you have so many clothes?” semi asks jokingly. 

goshiki stumbles backwards out of the closet, pulling a shirt off its hanger in the process. the hanger snaps and flies across the room. goshiki looks up and stares at semi, completely amazed. “did you see that?” he whispers. 

semi just laughs. tadashi watches goshiki’s face go pink and he hides his own smile. semi did have that influence on others, didn’t he? his hand is still tingling from semi holding it all the way here. 

“eita’s here to help me pack.”

“goin’ home for the summer? me too,” goshiki stands and brushes his hands on his shorts. “i miss my cat.”

“you _still_ have that cat?” semi asks incredulously. 

goshiki looks genuinely offended. “well, yeah! cats don’t just expire!”

“it was old last time i saw it...”

“ _she_ was _not_ old! she’s... she’s old _now_ , but—“ goshiki is flustered and throws the t-shirt that came off the hanger back into his closet. 

tadashi shakes his head at them both and flops on his bed. he didn’t even know where to begin. there were boxes under his bed and on top of his closet but the act of tearing everything down and organizing it in a box, moving it, redecorating... he just wanted to take a nap. 

“i’m not going home for the summer, goshiki,” tadashi answers his question from earlier. 

goshiki looks between tadashi, strewn about on his bed, and semi, watching tadashi with keen, dark eyes. goshiki narrows his eyes at the two of them, still glancing at each one. semi stops staring at tadashi to turn to goshiki, who immediately goes red. again.

“what’s on your mind, goshiki?” semi asks with a mild tone. he sits politely next to tadashi, who throws his legs over semi’s thighs. goshiki’s eyes widen in some sort of realization. then he grins. evilly, like a shark. semi knows that look. 

“not going home, huh?” goshiki sits cross legged on the floor and pointedly ignores his closet. semi places a hand on tadashi’s leg and glances around the half empty room. “why not?”

tadashi tries to hide his growing smile. “i’m gonna be moving in with eita and the others. they got a rent house.” there’s no hiding the satisfaction in his voice. “no more dorm space.”

goshiki’s evil grin is full fledged now as he glances between the two boys on tadashi’s bed. semi is purposely avoiding his eyes and goshiki can tell. he’s ridiculous sometimes but he’s perceptive. “no more dorm space… you'll still be sharing a room, though, i bet.”

“yeah—don't you have packing to do?” semi teases him as he tries to mask his fluster. they _would_ be sharing a room together. he hadn’t really thought of that til now. “get your mind out of the gutter, tsutomu.”

tadashi groans and prepares himself. 

“ _excuse_ me? excuse _you!_ ” goshiki points accusingly at semi who only smiles like he has no idea what goshiki’s talking about. “you said it, not me.”

“hey, shut it, both of you,” tadashi interrupts.

“no! eita said that! not me. i didn’t make it weird—“

“i didn’t either! _you're_ the one grinning at me like you know all my secrets!” semi points back. 

“all your secrets, huh?” goshiki smirks like he’s won the game he invented. “what are you thinkin’ about, _semisemi_?”

“i hate you so much,” semi sighs. he leans back on his hands and tadashi wishes he’d touch him again, even despite the skin being on fire from shock. 

tadashi almost defends he and semi by saying something like _it’s not like that_ , but that’d be stupid, wouldn’t it? he might even hurt semi’s feelings if he said that. but didn’t assuming he’d hurt semi’s feelings make tadashi seem selfish? what if semi didn’t feel the same way? he’d be assuming something that was ultimately one sided. 

_oh, god. why did i have to think about that?_

tadashi removes his legs and stands, glancing at the shiratorizawa graduates like he was trying to see right through them. semi catches his eye and leans up, too, before kicking his leg out in goshiki’s direction. 

“punk.”

“eita, you stupid—“

“the sooner we get packed, the sooner i can go take a nap,” tadashi interrupts. 

“by then it’ll be nighttime, though?” goshiki intervenes, scooting toward his closet without standing. 

“a long nap, then.”

semi stands and tadashi heads toward his bathroom. they could start with the easy stuff, then move on to blankets and bigger things like coats that would have to be stuffed into bags or boxes. tadashi liked decorating, but not packing, that was for certain. he’s exhausted, and semi can tell. 

“maybe this can wait for another day?” semi asks once they’re in tadashi’s bathroom. he’s leaned down and pulling stuff out from under the sink. 

“i was thinking about just doing small things,” a glance up at semi. the bathroom light surprisingly does wonders for that boys hair. “then later tomorrow or something we can come back and do the rest. how long did it take you to get finished?”

“about two days, with konoha’s help.”

“yeah, see.” he presses his head against the cabinet and thinks about his mother. why does he feel so tired? “it’s not like i’m in a hurry.”

semi leans down to be eye level with tadashi. “and once we’ve packed up, we can take a break and unpack everything later this week. pack a survival bag, like i did,” he offers with a smile. 

“good idea.”

“when we get to the house, hinata will have ordered food and after we eat, you can finally get some rest.”

—

it didn’t go exactly to plan, but close enough. 

after spending about an hour packing up all his bathroom stuff, including towels and boxes of hair dye, tadashi got his _survival bag_ ready. it had everything he’d need for the few days he’d be spending in limbo between living spaces. goshiki had almost the entirety of his room packed, and he’d done it all by himself. how, tadashi had no idea. after a while, goshiki bid them goodbye before heading out for dinner. 

tadashi had turned bright red when goshiki winked at him as he left. he wondered if semi saw it, too. 

tadashi teased semi about all the things goshiki said all the way to the house. it wasn’t far, about a fifteen minute walk from tadashi’s dorm. semi promised atsumu would help move all the big boxes with his car when the time came. he and konoha were the only ones with cars. semi never felt like he needed one anyway. 

tadashi can’t shake his nerves on the way there. he wants semi to hold his hand, wants to talk about _what_ was going on between them. he also wants to collapse on a soft surface and sleep for ten years. preferably with semi in his arms, his hair between his fingers. semi talks about atsumu and konoha rooming together, about how he already thinks it’s a bad idea. he mentions how kageyama helped hinata move in, and he tells tadashi about the game console in the living room where atsumu and hinata already nearly killed each other while playing mario kart. 

semi knows he should say something. he wants to take tadashi’s hand, wants to hold him and feel the old callouses on his palms, tell him how he feels. maybe then he would stop walking on egg shells. 

_how do i feel though? how can i express that appreciation for someone else when i don't even know how to explain it to myself? why can’t i ever figure these things out?_

that was why semi has been by himself all these years, for the most part. in high school, he focused on his academics, his volleyball abilities. focusing on those things meant he didn’t have to make time for anything else, even when tendou satori twisted their ankles under the table and told him he was pretty. 

_“you look pretty, eita.”_

_“pretty?”_

_“yeah. boys can be pretty too.”_

_“maybe so.”_

even when semi thought he knew how he felt when first year tendou satori kissed him for the first time. even when semi held tendou’s hand when they walked home from practice. but it didn’t hurt when they stopped doing those things without an explanation. why?

even when semi asked shirabu kenjirou why he always deliberately ignored him and only talked to him if he needed to. 

_“because you’re so good! at everything you do! you're so good and so clueless, i never know what to say and—“_

even when semi asked ushijima how he knew he liked tendou; when it happened, how he recognized the feeling. 

_“when someone matters to you in that way, you just know. it’s a gut feeling.”_

_“it’s that easy?”_

_“it was that easy for me.”_

even when reon went on a date for the first time and everyone cheered for him. semi couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, because how the hell did reon know he liked someone in a way he’d want to spend every waking second with them?

could semi have loved tendou? romantically? could he have tried to understand what shirabu meant? if he finally knew how he felt, would he ever be able to articulate those feelings to someone? was he even capable of feeling that way for someone? _is that what this was, with tadashi?_

was it embarrassing that his first kiss was with someone he didn’t really think he liked that way? was it embarrassing that his last kiss happened his first year of college at a new year’s eve party with a girl who’s name he could never remember? was it embarrassing that semi eita was twenty one years old and still didn’t know the difference between romantic and platonic love? let alone the difference between romantic and sexual love. maybe that was why he never felt comfortable coming out, because he’s _never_ sure. semi had just known he could kiss boys, kiss girls, kiss anyone, as long as that’s what he wanted to do. 

was that what he wanted with tendou? with that girl?

it’s what he wanted with tadashi. it’s been what he’s wanted ever since tadashi pushed him against his sink counter all those months ago to do his eyeliner, dragged his fingers through his hair when they dyed their hair matching purple, purple that has long since faded. 

maybe this is the only time he’s ever been sure of anything in his whole life, because everytime tadashi touched him, laughed with him, smiled at him, he felt his chest get a little tighter. everytime semi reaches to poke tadashi’s arm, to brush his knuckles, to _hold his hand_ , he doesn’t think twice about it. semi just feels in his gut that that’s what he wants, so he does it. and tadashi never seems to mind. 

_what’s he thinking about?_ semi asks himself before glancing at tadashi, who’s admiring the tall trees on the sidewalk and pointing at a dog across the street. 

_i could do this with him. i could hold him and be there for him. i could like him romantically. i could—i could love him._

like the final piece of a puzzle being put in its place, semi realized that’s _exactly_ what he feels. that’s what his heart wants; needs, even. over the near year of knowing yamaguchi tadashi, semi had grown to appreciate him. appreciate him in a way he didn’t know he was capable. now, all he needed to do was acknowledge that and express it to the other boy. 

and like he’s listening, tadashi brushes his pinky against semi’s. semi turns his head just a little without looking at the other boy. tadashi is humming. 

“can i?”

semi can’t fight his smile. he tucks his hand behind tadashi’s and entwines their fingers together. “definitely.”

—

“eita’s back!” hinata yells from the bar in the kitchen. he’s sitting on the stool like a cat, with his feet tucked beneath him. on the stool next to him sits a lazily smiling atsumu. “he brought tadashi!”

tadashi follows after semi, who shuts the door behind him. tadashi has a backpack on his shoulders and semi is carrying the keyboard in its own oddly shaped travel case. tadashi had argued with him that they could just get it another day so he wouldn’t have to carry it, but semi insisted they bring it tonight. what if they wanted to play together?

the front door opens to the living room, but they entered through the garage, where the door opens to the kitchen. the kitchen was actually pretty big, with an island in the middle and a small table on the other side in front of the big open window. the living room was to the left, openly connected to the kitchen. to the right was a hall with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. 

two bathrooms. for five boys. 

none of them care, though. semi sure doesn't. he has his own space, no neighbors he could hear at night through thin walls, and they could play music whenever they wanted as loud as they wanted. sort of. in fact, they’d already started bringing instruments from their dorms and houses. it was taking an annoying amount of time. semi was getting antsy. 

konoha sprints down the hall and slides into the kitchen on his slick socks, hair wild and eyes wide. “there you are! i’m starving!” then, with a kinder smile. “oh, hey, tadashi!”

semi frowns at him and sets the keyboard case down beside the island. he and tadashi remove their shoes and stand across from hinata and atsumu, who are having a sort of quiet debate over what was the better midnight snack. hinata insists it’s cookies and milk but atsumu swears it’s fruit punch popsicles. he also swears his twin brother, osamu, could vouch for that. 

“i told you guys not to wait on us,” semi sighs as his chin drops into his palm. tadashi watches him lean against the counter before turning to his old classmate. 

“eita said you’d order food?” tadashi asks lightly. konoha nudges hinata's shoulders with raised eyebrows, like he’s trying to convince him to do what he’d already promised. atsumu looks at the red head now, too, brows slanted down. it’s like they’ve all realized they’re hungry at the same time. 

hinata groans and his forehead falls on the counter with a thud. tadashi snorts. “i _did_ make a promise…”

“an’ you’ll keep that promise, won’t ya, hinata?” atsumu teases him. he and konoha lean into him real close. 

hinata’s face turns bright red before he pops back up and throws his arms in the air to ward off the boys around him. tadashi knows that move well. “fine! but if you don’t get what you want, i don’t wanna hear it!”

“oh, you’re too kind,” semi smiles smoothly. 

tadashi is suddenly very aware of how close they’re standing when semi’s elbow brushes his. he also realizes how closely he’s watching semi when he looks away a little too fast and meets konoha’s eye instead, who winks like he _knows_. 

_shit._

tadashi just wants to eat and go to sleep for as long as his body will allow him. he grips the straps on his bag just a little tighter and prays semi will lead the way. semi and the others already look like they belong in this house, mingling together this way. tadashi feels like he might have to work at fitting into their puzzle, but before doubt can burrow in his chest, semi turns and takes tadashi’s wrist. 

he grabs the handle on the keyboard case with the other hand. hinata has his phone out but he’s too busy looking at semi’s hand wrapped around tadashi’s wrist to continue what he started. hinata had only seen one other person do that to tadashi and get away with it, so tadashi could only guess at what the redhead is thinking. 

no one really knows what happened between him and tsukishima, did they? that was probably for the best. 

atsumu is snapping in front of hinata’s face and he makes a move like he’s going to bite atsumu’s finger. konoha is leaning between their chairs and whispering to hinata about what he should order for all of them. meanwhile, tadashi allows semi to drag him down the dark hallway. 

“that’s konoha and atsumu’s room,” he states as they pass the first room. “that’s hinata’s,” as they pass the second. he stops in front of the closed door at the end of the hall and sets the keyboard case to open it, when he could've easily just dropped tadashi’s arm. “and this is mine. or ours, now. unless—“ he turns to a quiet tadashi. “unless you wanna room with hinata?”

this earns semi a splitting grin from the younger boy. “i’ll pass.”

with a soft _that’s what i thought_ , semi pushes his way into the room and releases tadashi’s wrist. tadashi takes this opportunity to glance around at the room, about as big as the dorm he shared with goshiki. half of semi’s stuff is still packed, half still in boxes or sort of strung out of the boxes. his closet is sort of full, bass guitar sitting pretty on its stand at the end of the bed, which has been neatly made. with only a moment to register what’s happening, both boys realize there’s only one bed. 

at the worst imaginable time, konoha slides down the hall again. he peeks his head into the room and grins at semi. semi sighs and prepares himself for the worst. 

“only one bed, huh?”

_damn you, akinori_ , semi thinks privately. 

“i mean,” semi starts. “we can get another one like we did for atsumu. until then, we can just—“

“i don't mind,” tadashi interrupts. 

pause. konoha gapes like a fish out of water. semi almost laughs. he turns to tadashi instead, question marks written all over his face. “but i can—“

“eita’s gettin’ flustered,” atsumu’s voice joins in as he peeks in with his head on top of konoha’s. semi frowns at them both until they get the message and leave. he’s surprised to hear tadashi giggle to himself. he set his bag down and is rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes. 

“sorry about that.”

“i don't mind that, either, eita.”

“i knew they’d be that way but—“

“did you hear me?” tadashi asks honestly, crossing the room to sit on the edge of semi’s bed. “i said i don’t mind.” he adds a smile so semi knows he’s not being hostile. 

semi has to pause to look at the younger boy. his eyes are heavy, under circles darker than usual. his cheeks are stained pink. semi examines the boys hair, pulled back with a small black hair tie. he can see the mix of green and grown out silver. tadashi hasn’t cut his hair in months. 

he’s exhausted, but semi still thinks tadashi looks pretty. that was another thing semi couldn’t really explain: tadashi was _always_ pretty. _always_ breathtaking. _always_ throwing semi a little off balance. semi sits next to him and yawns. 

“i’ll sleep on the couch,” semi says finally. 

“don't be difficult, eita.”

“what?” he turns to the other boy. “you seem tired and having this whole space to yourself might help you sleep better.”

_you have no idea, eita. you’re so clueless. don’t make me kiss you._

_wait. no, don’t say that. you’re too tired to be making rational decisions and having coherent thoughts._

tadashi sighs instead. his stomach grumbles. “if you say so.”

semi shakes his head, wishing he could read tadashi’s mind. maybe then he’d know what he needed to do, needed to say. something about tadashi’s weekend really wore him out. maybe the train ride just took all his energy. that happens to semi sometimes, too. he can admit that. 

before he can say anything at all, tadashi leans until his head is resting on semi’s shoulder. it takes every bit of self control semi has to keep from stiffening under the contact. they’d held hands, crossed ankles, even cuddled on tadashi’s bed when semi didn’t know what else to do but cry. this, though — this was a different level of affection. a comfortable, quiet kind of affection. there were no uncertainties or expectations. 

they talk into the open room until food arrives. hinata is just a little too awake for tadashi’s taste, but truthfully, he’s thankful to be back in the presence of hinata, who was always a source of kindness and happiness when they went to school together. they all eat around the island, standing or sitting, tadashi leaning against semi and tapping his legs with his socked feet every now and then.

atsumu and semi harass each other from across the island and konoha points at both of them and tells them to _behave, there are children present_ . this earns him a terrible scolding from both hinata _and_ tadashi. once more, semi finds himself observing each of them again, soaking in their laughter and banter. this is what he wanted: a place for himself, for his friends, for the music. a place they could all get cozy and call home. 

and with tadashi leaning against him like this, hinata grinning at him, konoha pointing and atsumu yelling, semi feels invincible. 

—

tadashi twists and turns but the light from the moon shines directly through the window and onto his face. he covers his face, but it’s too warm. he kicks off the blanket but it’s too cold. tadashi huffs and leans up, ruffling his hair and glancing around the moonlit room. the house is quiet. he’s alone in this room. 

_“goodnight, tadashi.”_

_“night, eita. i promise the bed is more comfortable.”_

_“hush.”_

tadashi had slept alone nearly every single night of his life and tonight was no different. but in this new space, new bed, the stupid moon staring him down… he just couldn’t get comfortable. it didn’t help that he’d been thinking of semi ever since the boy walked out of the damn room. 

semi and his stupid pajamas. semi and his stupid makeup wipes. semi and his stupid, beautiful hands. semi and his stupid, pretty hair. semi. _stupid_. 

tadashi stands and picks his blanket up off the floor. it smells like semi. _stupid_ . the bed smelled like him too, which was another reason tadashi couldn’t _stop thinking about him_ . he wraps the blanket around himself and huffs again. he refuses to let semi sleep on the couch. _stupid._

for selfish reasons, but who cares?

tadashi pulls open the door as quietly as he can, grimacing at the pitch back of the hallway before him. that doesn’t stop him, though. he carries on, tiptoeing with the blanket dragging behind him. everyone's doors are closed but tadashi hears soft music coming from atsumu’s room. he pads through the kitchen and winces when the floor creaks ever so slightly. 

semi is found stretched across the couch with a blanket thrown haphazardly over him, like he forgot one and someone else gave it to him. tadashi stands at the end of the couch where semi’s head rests. 

he taps the boys forehead once. he shifts a little. 

tadashi taps him again. semi twitches and sits up, alarm on his face. his eyes land on tadashi and he relaxes just a little bit. tadashi looks terrifying with the moonlight behind him; his entire face is obscured. 

“what’s wrong?” semi whispers. 

“let’s go.”

“go where?”

tadashi bites his cheek. “to bed, stupid.”

semi blinks. “but—“

“nope,” tadashi reaches down to pull the blanket off semi, who barely protests. he takes semi’s arms and starts pulling. “you’re coming with me.”

“we’ve already been over this—“

tadashi pulls extra hard until semi’s on his feet. tadashi doesn’t let go of his hands. in fact, he pulls him closer. semi is glad it’s dark, so tadashi can’t see his flaming pink cheeks. “we’re going to bed.”

semi is half in a daze, though he’s not exactly a hard sleeper. his skin is on fire and he can feel tadashi’s breath on his face from how close they’re standing. the room is so quiet he might even be able to hear his heartbeat. “i didn’t wanna be—“

“i want you _with_ me, eita,” tadashi insists. he’s having a hard time holding the blanket and semi’s hands so, with one hand, his fingers stretch until he’s got both semi’s hands in his grip. it’s unnecessary, but he likes the contact. adjusting the blanket, he let’s go and slides their fingers together instead. “so you’re coming.”

tadashi leads them out of the living room and semi’s trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes so he can get a handle on the current situation. where did this boldness come from in tadashi? he refuses to let semi go, not that semi’s complaining. he had gone to the couch only because he didn’t want to make tadashi uncomfortable. but here tadashi was, dragging semi and a big ass blanket down the hall to semi’s bed.

“how can you even see in—“ tadashi drops onto the bed and pulls semi with him, who lets out a surprised huff. tadashi has his arms open, holding up the blanket so semi can get comfortable. semi shifts just a little, completely unsure of how to react. 

tadashi crosses their legs and drops the blanket over semi’s shoulders. they’re facing each other and tadashi presses forward until his head is resting against semi’s chest, hands grazing over the fabric of his t-shirt. semi pauses, glancing down at a head full of green and silver hair. it’s right in front of him, all he has to do is _move_. 

semi lifts his hands and buries his fingers in tadashi’s hair, who leans into the touch. “this is okay?”

“obviously,” tadashi mutters. 

_of course it’s okay, dumbass. he went and pulled you all the way here. he wants you here. don't question it._

semi bites the inside of his cheek. _this_ was good. _this,_ he could learn to understand. _this_ he could learn to love. maybe he was already learning, without realizing. semi wasn’t even scared (more confused than anything, but he’s relaxed). he runs his fingers through tadashi’s hair until the boys breath evens out. 

“ _ohhh_ ,” he sighs. “we _definitely_ need to talk about this…” semi purses his lips before planting a gentle kiss on tadashi’s head. the boy cuddles closer to him just a tiny bit. 

_but for now, this is good._


	6. freakin’ out on the interstate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new element

freakin’ out on the interstate (by briston maroney) —

the next day 

his bandaged fingers slide over strings as quietly as possible. the sound is soft, but it’s enough. he’s leaned into it, making sure to soak up every small note he makes. the bass fits comfortably in his hands, like it belongs there and nowhere else. the sunlight from his window hits it at just the right angle, sending reflections over his face and on the ceiling above him. 

semi knows it’s too early to be awake, too early to even try playing, but somehow, the quiet works. only he can hear the music he’s playing. besides, he’s been thinking about this specific chorus for several days now and he’s finally getting the chance to test it out. and, oh, does it sound wonderful. it’s not even close to perfection, though. 

there’s a soft rustle from the opposite side of the room. semi freezes and he spares a glance for the figure stretching on his bed. with the light streaming in from behind him, semi can’t see any details, only the way tadashi pulls his arms behind his head and bends backwards just a little bit. semi can see his messy hair from here, and the way his shirt is a little twisted around the bottom from moving around in his sleep. 

truthfully, semi’s never slept so good as he did with tadashi last night. sure, he’s had plenty of good naps on bus rides home from games, had a whole days sleep after a night out or even sleeping on the floor after a particularly exhausting practice back in high school. but with that boys head pressed in semi’s chest, his fingers drawing small circles on semi’s torso, getting to pull his hands through tadashi’s hair… semi had decided when he woke up that there was nothing better than that feeling. there’s no way anything could top that. 

( _semi would soon learn that isn’t true._ )

semi had woke up on his back with tadashi’s arm thrown across his chest, sleeping soundly with his mouth open just a little. friends definitely did not sleep together like this. 

_“you'll catch flies.”_

tadashi rubs his face with his hands before falling back onto the bed. his arm hangs off the edge and semi is almost tempted to go crawl in next to him. 

“did i wake you?” he asks instead. 

“hm? oh, no,” tadashi mumbles without moving. when he goes a little too long without saying anything, semi wonders if he fell back asleep. he shakes his head, smiling secretly to himself before returning to his instrument. 

semi’s eyes close and he listens closely to the part he’s testing out; two notes just won’t blend together like he wants them too. his brows furrow, fingers strain, and there’s a light weight pressing against his shoulder for a split second. semi opens his eyes and finds tadashi sitting next to him, after having used his shoulder as some sort of crutch to help him find his place across from semi. tadashi still looks very tired, like he could just pass out sitting there. 

semi smiles curiously. “you should go back to bed if you’re still sleepy, tadashi.”

tadashi leans backward as he shakes his head, shifting around until he’s lying flat on the floor with his head pressed against semi’s thigh. the guitar neck is directly between his half opened eyes. “jus’ keep doin’ what you were doin’, eita…”

tadashi didn’t seem to be a morning person. semi really can’t help the heat blooming in his face, so he turns his head and looks away from the boy on the floor. his fingers find their place and he plays the part, not really worrying about being so quiet anymore. his eyes fall closed again and he tries to focus on every single individual sound, willing himself to play it perfectly, to fit the pieces together until it sounds like how he wants it to. 

it’s over before tadashi even realizes. he opens his eyes to find semi peering at him from over the neck of the bass. the sunlight hits him perfectly, shadowing his neck and his hair, highlighting his nose and chin. tadashi can see leftover eyeliner under his eyes and an all natural red stain on his cheeks. his lips are pink, too, like he’s been chewing on them. 

“you alive down there?” semi whispers. 

tadashi’s breath catches in his throat. semi leans back a little and the light reflecting off the purple bass shines into his eyes, melting into all the various shades of gold and brown. semi’s got cartoon bandaids on his fingers and he still looks sleepy with that lazy smile on his face. tadashi can’t help but stare. it’s like seeing semi again for the first time. 

semi may not have pink hair, makeup, or any jewelry on, but maybe that was the beauty of it all. tadashi has spent all these months with him, up close and in his business. he knew him so well, though there was still much to learn. in the past few weeks, there had been many instances where tadashi needed to just take a moment to soak semi in, like he was seeing him in a new way every time. semi’s taken his breath away hundreds of times, but this seems so different. tadashi doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to explain the feeling.

he’d seen semi fresh out of the shower, two toned hair plastered to his forehead. seen him freshly ready, sharp eyeliner and glossed lips, heeled boots and a sort of buttoned up shirt. he’d seen him asleep with his mouth open, hair covering his eyes. seeing semi now, with that purple reflection, bandaids on his fingers, ridiculously fond smile on his face, tadashi knew he was seeing a whole new semi unfold before him. how long until tadashi has seen it all? semi was ever evolving. he’ll never tire of this boy. 

“what were you playing?” tadashi asks quietly instead of answering semi’s ridiculous question. to be fair, he didn’t even really hear what he said. “i didn’t recognize it.”

semi mulls over an answer. tadashi can’t quiet see it, but he can hear semi picking at the bandaids on his fingers. semi is tedious, generally good at taking care of himself. but he was also stubborn and didn’t exactly know when enough was enough. did his fingers split and bleed before he finally decided to bandage them?

“actually…” semi starts. “it’s an original piece i’ve had in mind for a few weeks. i have a couple of my own things, short bits of lyrics but—but this particular thing has been bugging me for a while.”

“it’s an original?” tadashi hisses in surprise. “eita, it was—“

“not finished,” semi interrupts. “i’ve been wanting to show the others but it’s missing something. like—“

“instrumental somethin’?”

semi hadn’t even thought of that. “wait… actually—“

“—or lyrical somethin’?”

“well, both, but—“ semi leans over the bass neck again. tadashi is startled by his beauty once again. semi’s eyes are wide and earnest. he wants something. “get your keyboard out. we can play together.” 

tadashi sits up almost faster than semi can get out of the way. he twists just a little to look at the other, who still looks _so goddamn otherworldly_ in this light. his mouth goes dry. “you want me to play? _with_ you?”

“that’s what i said,” semi’s ashen hair falls in his eyes as he hugs his bass just a little closer to him. “i’ve heard you play before. several times in fact. why haven’t we played _together_?”

“well—but—“

_“wait, why’d you stop?” semi whines. “it was so good! i wanted to hear it all.”_

_“you freak me out,” tadashi admits as he flips the switch to turn the keyboard off. “i’m not used to playing for others.”_

_semi’s eyes widen. “am i the first?”_

_“sort of…” tadashi tucks the keyboard beneath his bed before shoving his fists into his lap. “i’ve played for my mom before but this—this is different.” he’s played for tsukishima before, too, but he doesn’t say that._

“—but this is different.”

semi tilts his head to the side. he knows what tadashi’s talking about now. “why is it any different than before? you’re talented and i’m not judgemental. besides,” that lazy smile returns with the lift of a perfect eyebrow. “you asking about me playing music is the reason we met in the first place.” semi leans forward and pokes tadashi in the arm, who only frowns. “come on. play with me.”

semi’s hand slides over tadashi’s own before returning to his instrument, and tadashi swears someday this boy will be the death of him. he’s trying to frown, trying to look disproving, but semi’s stupidly pretty eyes are so convincing. “fine,” tadashi sighs. 

—

the sounds don’t melt together at first. they clash and scratch at tadashi’s ears, and he’s trying so hard to keep his heart in his chest that he can barely focus on where his fingers should go next. he _was_ winging it after all. semi’s bass chorus was stunning, lilting and attention seeking. tadashi didn’t think it needed anything else except maybe semi’s voice over top, but he’d insisted tadashi get hisi keyboard out and play with him. whether it’s for fun, or semi was trying to achieve something, tadashi isn’t sure yet. 

he wishes semi would sing. he’s heard him hum, whisper to himself, even quiet singing when it was just the two of them. usually that quiet singing had a song from semi’s phone in the background, as if he was using that to hide his own, even just a little bit. tadashi wants to hear him amplify that voice, sing like he’s not afraid. _was_ semi afraid? tadashi doesn’t know, but maybe with this band thing coming along, he’ll finally get his chance to hear semi belt out his voice. it _had_ to be nice, or else semi wouldn’t be pursuing music. right?

after slapping his face with shaking hands, tadashi’s fingers return to the plastic keys in front of him. semi is sat cross legged in front of him, holding his bass like an overgrown child. tadashi half wishes they could flip spots, so semi wouldn’t be basking in the wonderful sunlight coming in from the window behind them. maybe then his face would be darker, and tadashi would stop getting so distracted. 

“this is gonna be the time we get it right, i just know it,” semi whispers half to himself. “it’s working. it’s _gonna_ work.” 

hands return to their original positions. tadashi inhales sharply and wills his frustrations away. he met semi eita because he thought he wanted to play music with someone (he chickened out every chance he got). he met semi eita because he was enticed by the idea of knowing someone capable of performing music (semi was _more_ than capable). however, he never really thought about playing for others; never even dreamed of _agreeing_ to do it, but semi was telling him he was doing so well, and that the sounds were starting to work. even tadashi could agree on that, that it was starting to sound more complete and less jumbled. 

semi starts them off, bandaged fingers moving smoothly as he stares intently at each individual string. he’s played this so many times he’s got it memorized (and if they nail it, he’ll have to remember to write it down). tadashi’s part blends in so smoothly it catches them both by surprise. they both spare a glance for each other with sneaking smiles on their faces. 

even half asleep and mildly irritated, tadashi still looks soft and sweet. semi relishes every single moment of this experience, every sound, every small glance, every glint of tadashi’s eyes. 

they play through the piece semi constructed perfectly. tadashi improvises a little at the end, but even _that_ works. the sound is low and smooth, deep and inviting. a perfect blend of bass and piano ( _keyboard, technically_ ). a perfect blend of _eita_ and _tadashi_. semi holds onto the last note before letting go, his mouth parted in quiet awe. 

he and tadashi glance up from their instruments at the same time. their faces split into open grins. semi feels himself drowning in sickly sweet adoration. it’s almost too much. 

—

“we brought _food_!” hinata calls out into the house. tadashi follows suit with plastic bags in hand. he shuts the door with his hip before removing his shoes and setting the bags on the island. 

“where is everyone?” tadashi asks the red head, who’s already trying to dig through the bag for first pickings. tadashi smacks his hand lightly. there’s a rough sound of… music? coming from the back door. from the garage. his eyes widen just a little when he recognizes the sound. 

“in the garage, i’d say,” hinata smarts back, rubbing the top of the hand tadashi smacked. the duo cross the kitchen and pull open the back door. the garage is open, allowing the entire place to be flood in midday light. 

tadashi had seen their haphazardly placed instruments the night before when he and semi arrived, but it was dark, and he didn’t realize _everyone’s_ stuff was already here. atsumu and semi are playing together, in fact. konoha is sat on the floor to the right of semi tuning his own guitar. _electric_ guitar, it seems. 

they don’t have lights or fancy speakers, but they do have a single microphone and a few decent speakers. as much as tadashi wishes semi _would_ sing, he’s silent. semi and atsumu are both grinning like mad men as tadashi and hinata step in. semi has his eyes trained on his hands, but atsumu stops abruptly upon making eye contact with the two. semi stops shortly after, affronted at the sudden lack of back up. semi’s part sounded like what he’d played this morning...

“ _please_ tell me you have food,” konoha begs as he races up to meet tadashi and hinata. semi and atsumu crowd around too, and hinata reaches behind him to open the door so they can all file back inside. 

“ _yes_ , we have food,” hinata promises. konoha makes it to the island first, already digging into the bags and setting boxes down. atsumu opens all the lids to peek into them. 

semi comes up behind tadashi and his fingers barely graze his spine. the contact is enough to shock tadashi, who turns with a slack jaw. semi giggles at him as tadashi snaps his mouth shut. “sorry,” semi whispers. “didn’t wanna scare you but it seems i did anyway…”

tadashi shoves him lightly. 

“guys,” semi calls them all to order. sort of; atsumu and hinata are already taking small bites without waiting for the rest of them. “after we eat, i was thinking we set up tadashi’s keyboard so he and i can show you what we worked on this morning.”

tadashi freezes. his limbs turn rigid, and he gives semi a sideways glance with pure dread in his eyes. “oh, really?”

semi smiles at him and tadashi finds it hard to be affronted. yet again. “yes, really.”

“i don’t know about—“

hinata cuts them off. “i knew you could play but i’ve never got to hear it before!”

konoha considers this. “yeah, this new element could be a good thing.”

“am i the only one that _didn’t_ know he could play an instrument?” atsumu says with food in his mouth. konoha gives him a seething look. 

“i’m not very good at—“

semi throws out his arm across tadashi’s chest. “nope. don’t listen to him. he’s _great_ and just you wait til you hear what we worked on _together_ —“

“eita,” tadashi hums. “i really—“

“don’t be shy now!” atsumu points his chopsticks at tadashi, who’s mildly insulted by the action. “if eita says you can do it, then i believe ‘im.” 

konoha nods at atsumu before looking at a beet red tadashi. konoha wonders if they ever figured out their _only one bed_ problem, or if it was ever a problem to begin with. he bites back an evil smirk. “there’s no way we’ll pass up the opportunity to hear new talent. besides, eita’s usually right.”

now it’s hinata’s turn. his cheeks are stuffed though. semi and konoha both frown at the rice on his chin. “you’re great at everything you try, tadashi! i can't wait to hear what you guys came up with!”

tadashi groans as semi leans into him, nudging him and quietly trying to make him feel better. they eat around the island like they had for dinner the previous night, and the chaos levels are through the roof, just as tadashi had anticipated. now that everyone’s stopped looking at him and talking about his keyboard playing abilities, he can relax. he’s listening to hinata yell about the dogs they saw on the way to pick up food. he watches atsumu tap the table with his thumbs and konoha explain why spicy food was good for the immune system. 

tadashi can feel semi’s eyes on him every now and then. he prays to every god that’ll listen that no one can see the redness of his face. semi notices, of course, and feeds off that reaction by touching his arm with warm palms and bandaged fingers, or by leaning his face into tadashi’s bubble. semi could be clueless sometimes but now it seems like he knows exactly what he’s doing. 

_oh, god. we_ really _need to talk about this._

this… this was not what friends did. friends did not hold each other the way tadashi did when semi cried for so long. friends did not sleep in each other’s arms, running their fingers through the others hair, tracing circles into torsos. friends did not hold hands for that long, did not use every excuse imaginable just to butt in to the others personal space. friends did not lean each other into the bathroom counter and touch their neck just to feel the vibrations when they spoke or laughed. 

friends did not think about the suns reflection in the others eye. friends did not pay attention to the hair sprout on ones head that simply couldn’t be tamed. friends just _don’t do this_. 

semi had to know that. tadashi had to know that. they both had to know and understand what they were doing, and what they were doing to each other. 

regardless, tadashi really _did_ enjoy playing with semi this morning, even if it annoyed him to no end that he couldn’t figure out his part right off the bat. that’s why tadashi even went searching for semi eita to begin with; to be around the music. here he was, living with a boy he was sure he never wanted to part from and all his musical genius friends. living with a _band._ and _they_ wanted to hear _him_ play. 

he’s gonna do it, by god. he’s gonna do it and he’s gonna make it sound like he’s never been scared of anything in his whole life. tadashi is determined to blow them all away. 

—

he recalls the piece they played a thousand times this morning like the notes are written on the back of his hands. tadashi plays like there isn’t four people listening closely. he plays like the boy he really likes isn’t watching him with his chin resting in the palm of his hand, that stupid lazy grin on his face. 

he plays like he does when he’s alone; when no ones watching, listening, or even aware of the sounds he’s creating. the sound he and semi created together is growing on him, engraving itself in tadashi’s mind like the song from a childhood movie. he’s plays to make semi proud, to impress the others. to impress himself. 

_“since when could you play piano?”_

_keyboard, technically. “a few years now.”_

_“...you’re really good.”_

_“stop watching me, kei. you’re making me nervous.”_

_“oh—sorry.”_

_“shhh—“_

semi’s bass bleeds into the sound and tadashi’s eyes fly up to meet his. semi’s smiling at him. that stupid, dreamy smile tadashi had grown to love so much. his faces goes warm and he looks back down before semi can break his focus. 

they play together like they did this morning; fresh and excited, still a little shaky like the sounds were still getting to know each other. he and semi hold on to the last note and tadashi purses his lips, preparing for the reactions of the others. his hands are shaking. 

“holy shit,” konoha breaks the momentary silence. 

hinata is grinning. “holy shit.”

atsumu looks ready to explode out of his skin. “holy _shit._ ”

“ _holy shit_ …” semi and tadashi breathe at the same time. they catch the sound and look up at each other again, faces breaking out in red heat. 

he doesn’t know what to do with his hands so he shoves them in his pockets. they’d taken the stand from the keyboard case and set it up to the right of the only mic stand in the room. while he stood, semi had been leaning against the wall as the others sat on the floor. he felt so strange standing out in the open. really strange as they watched him, but he did it. tadashi played and he blew them away, just as he promised himself he would. 

“play fer us,” atsumu suggests like it’s the natural thing to say. tadashi’s mouth opens to attest. 

“play _with_ us!” hinata cheers as he jumps up from his place on the floor. “i knew it was gonna sound good! you and semi sound like you were _meant_ to play together.”

semi hugs his bass a little tighter. he can feel the heat creeping up his neck but he plays it cool. “i told you you’d sound great. there was no reason to even be scared.”

tadashi frowns at him. “i was _not_ scared.”

“you were nervous,” he replies with a tilted brow. “so play for us.”

“tadashi,” konoha speaks now. “i don’t wanna pressure you but… you _do_ play really well. you should play with us.” 

“you have to!” hinata points at him. “please.”

tadashi looks down at his keyboard, over the aged keys. his skin is tingling, buzzing from excitement. adrenaline. he and semi _did_ sound good together. they work together really well. what happens when they all collaborate together and make something they can all be proud of? how could he deny them? how could he deny himself?

“i’ll do it.”

—

semi is stretched out on the floor like a starfish, and tadashi is on his stomach next to him. they’re laid out making some sort of incomplete triangle. semi has his hands in the air, examining his bandaids. tadashi, however, is focused on a notebook with his feet kicking in the air. 

tadashi sighs and sets his forehead down on the paper. they’d been bouncing lyric ideas back and forth but they seemed to be stuck now. semi catches his sigh and turns his head. his long hair is splayed out around him like a halo. the day had been long, and it was nearly one in the morning. 

semi wasn’t a hard sleeper. he didn’t need much sleep to survive, like tadashi definitely did. but he noticed the boys discomfort anyway and turns on his side. “we can quit for now.”

“but we’ve made so much progress,” tadashi groans with his head still down. the paper muffles his voice a little bit. “why is this one part so difficult?”

semi throws out at arm and it lands in the boys soft green and silver hair. “we should dye our hair again.” 

“you should help me with this line,” tadashi replies lightly. he smiles when he hears semi chuckle. 

“you should put that up. it’s late, anyway.”

“but—“ he lifts his head and semi is watching him. 

“you’re tired. i can tell,” semi whispers as he removes his hand. “you’ve been tired all day.”

tadashi rests his chin on his crossed wrists. “you can tell?”

semi nods a little bit and his whole body shifts to his side. his hair splays across his forehead. tadashi reaches out to brush it aside. 

“we can go get the rest of your stuff tomorrow,” semi offers. the other three can be heard from down the hall; they’re in the living room playing video games and getting pretty competitive. did they ever get tired? hinata sure didn’t. 

sometime between lunch and dinner, semi had dug through his half unpacked boxes to find strings of purple lights. he strung them up around the top of the room, claiming the overhead light was _just_ _plain ugly_. tadashi likes the way it stains semi’s entire body purple. it’s just enough light for him to be able to see without being too bright at this ungodly hour, like white lights would be. 

semi knows what he needs to do. he knows he needs to talk to tadashi about—well, about everything. about the stupid heart eyes, about the hand holding, about the sharing a bed. about the cuddling. the comfortability. the sheer enjoyment semi gets from literally just sitting here in tadashi’s presence. 

unfortunately, semi eita is a pussy. talking about it meant admitting he really _did_ have feelings for this boy, admitting he wanted to be _more_ than just whatever this is with him. and semi is terrified.

tadashi is gazing at him now with those purple lights reflecting in his dark eyes. his hair is down and slightly waved from the rubber band he had it in earlier. the silver peers out from the bottom. he really _should_ dye it again. purple, maybe. or pink. maybe even blue. his freckles are more prominent in this light and semi wants to kiss every single one of them. 

_oh shit._

semi stands so fast it makes him go dizzy. he ignores the confused look on tadashi’s face, leaning down to push him over and grab his wrists. “come on, let’s go to bed.”

tadashi allows himself to be pulled up, barely even using his own legs. “but—“

“nope,” semi interjects when tadashi is fully standing. they’re both already showered and in pajamas. tadashi can smell the grapefruit coming from semi. “you’re falling asleep on the floor, and what kind of person would i be if i just left you there?”

“okay, but—“ tadashi leans his head back, his neck exposed to the open air. “the song—“

“tadashi,” semi cuts him off and pulls him even closer. tadashi’s head lifts. “you need sleep.”

“so do you.”

“yeah, but i’m talking about you.”

“i’ll go if you come with me.”

“the bed is literally right—“

“ah! only if you come.”

semi pauses, refusing to pull tadashi any closer. his throat is already dry. he can barely think straight. he’s drowning in too many realizations all at once. it’s too much. it takes every ounce of will power he has not to just pull tadashi forward by his shirt collar and—

now tadashi is leading the way. he pulls out of semi’s grip and crawls into the bed on all fours. his face finds the pillow and he flops down with little grace. his eyes are shut. semi is stunned. 

_get ahold of yourself, dumbass._

tadashi opens one eye. he pats the spot next to him and semi has to restrain from stomping his foot. he’s so confused, so frustrated. instead, he smiles that classic semi eita lazy smile and follows suit. when he crawls in, tadashi’s hand drapes over his chest. 

semi holds his breath. tadashi scoots impossibly closer, wrapping his arm completely around semi, tucking slightly under his ribs. his face is resting next to semi’s shoulder and his chest tightens. _shit. he’s so close. he’s too much._

“night, eita…” tadashi murmurs. 

semi rests his hand on tadashi’s arm. he rubs small circles into the boys freckled skin. it’s all he can do, because semi eita is a pussy. 

“night, tadashi,” he whispers in reply. he wonders how the hell that boy was able to fall asleep so fast. 

semi stays awake for the next hour staring at the ceiling and the purple lights he left plugged in. tadashi’s skin is soft beneath his hands. 

_shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which semi and yams can no longer deny the truth


	7. mr. brightside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which semi eita tries to understand his own feelings

vii. mr. brightside (by the killers) —

the next morning, late may

he’s late. again. 

it’s not his fault, to be fair. though he’ll have hell trying to explain that to tendou. especially considering it was technically tadashi’s fault. especially considering semi really wants to talk to tendou about his feelings for tadashi. 

he can already see it. he’s telling tendou about his conflictions, his _feelings_ , and tendou pieces it together. his eyes will widen and he’ll say something like “ _so that’s why you were late!_ ” and semi would have to tell the truth. tendou would then probably smack him upside the head and tell him to get his shit together, because _how can you be in denial when you literally sleep with him in your arms?_

semi huffs and brushes his ringed fingers on his jeans. he’s sweating. why is he sweating? nerves? stress? maybe it’s the fact that he’s wearing _black_ in late may. like an idiot. 

_that_ isn’t entirely his fault either. he promised tendou he’d meet him for an early lunch at eleven. semi was awake by 10, surprisingly late even for him, but tadashi was strung out across him like a rag doll, fingers brushing the ends of semi’s hair, leg stretched across his own, mouth parted a little bit. he couldn’t move even if he _wanted_ to. tadashi likes sleep, deserves the rest, and he looked so cute that semi fucked around until 10:45 just admiring him and running his bandaged fingers through the boys terribly soft hair. he’ll never get tired of doing that.

_shit. shit. shit. i’m gonna be so late. but he’s so cute… so sleepy… i can't move yet._

he was out the door by 11, which meant he was _already_ late. and semi still had to walk ten minutes to even _get_ to the diner. that was if he speedwalked. 

semi had slipped out of tadashi’s grasp with immense difficulty. tadashi is a heavy sleeper, and semi tried to be slick, but when he was finally on his feet he heard the boy start shifting. 

_“eita..?”_

_semi winces. “go back to sleep. i’m getting lunch with tendou, i’ll be back soon.”_

_“come back,” half asleep tadashi whines, reaching out for semi. he could feel his heartbeat in his head. tadashi wanted him to come back._

shit _._

_semi sits on the bed and reaches for tadashi’s outstretched arm. the boys eyes are closed but he’s trying to speak, like he might be dreaming. semi does something both stupidly incredible and incredibly stupid; he kisses tadashi’s knuckles ever so lightly. tadashi smiles lazily, claiming in his muffled voice that it tickles._

_“goddamnit,” semi hisses. then, slightly louder: “i’ll be back before you know it.”_

semi had gotten dressed as quickly and quietly as he could, grabbing the first pair of black jeans he could find and jumping around the room trying to put them on. he took the first shirt he saw and yanked it over his head, tossing his pajamas to the side. on his way to the door, semi bounced down the hall trying to fit his shoes on. 

_“where ya off to, eita?” atsumu asks from the island. he’s eating cereal with a fork._

_“lunch with tendou!” semi rips open the front door as his foot finally slides into his shoe. “i’ll be back! bye!”_

he tries fixing his hair on the walk there by using his phone camera but it’s no use; his bed hair simply refuses to cooperate. not only that, but semi’s phone is nearly dead. he sends two texts to two people before tucking it in his pocket and praying it doesn’t die before he gets home. 

**eita !!** : _i’m sorry i woke u up earlier, i slept in and forgot i promised tendou i’d get lunch with him and kinda panicked_

 **eita !!** : _i’ll see u when i come back :)_

and then:

**EITAAAA** : _i swear i’m omw i slept in so late dude_

 **EITAAAA** : _i can see the diner from here tho_

**satoriiii** : _hurry up loser_

 **satoriiii** : _aww did tadashi make u late~?_

**EITAAAA** : _something like that_

**satoriiii** : _OH???_

 **satoriiii** : _SHIT I WAS JUST MESSING WITH U BUT OKAY?!?!?!?!_

—

semi lands less than gracefully in the seat across from tendou, who’s wearing dark jeans and a worn out red shirt. his hair is down and it’s long enough now to cover his eyes, but the left side is clipped back with rainbow sequined barrettes. he even has blush on his nose and cheeks. 

“i—“ semi huffs. “—am _so_ sorry.”

tendou smirks lazily at him, his cheek pressed into an open palm. “don’t stress it. i just got here the minute before you texted me.”

semi feels hilariously underdressed. he didn’t even have time to brush his teeth. “really? well, that makes me feel slightly better.”

a waiter comes to their table. he’s tall, like tendou tall, with dark, unruly hair. his eyes are dark, too. he’s wearing a white mask, voice quiet and patient. he takes their drink orders before leaving again. reminds semi of someone he’d seen atsumu with...

tendou slaps his hands on the table. “so! do tell.”

semi blinks. he sits back and crosses his arms. “tell you what?”

this earns him a raised red brow. “why were you late, eita?” tendou teases. 

he had told tendou last weekend that tadashi would be moving into the house with him and the others. he had also told him that he thought he was absolutely, completely whipped for this boy but had no idea how to confront that idea. or come to terms with it. or express it properly. semi _hasn’t_ told tendou about tadashi joining the band yet, since it only happened last night. he misses living with tendou already. they could talk about anything anytime at all. 

semi has a hard time finding the right way to explain himself, just like he knew he would. “well, yesterday morning tadashi and i worked on an original piece together.”

“oh-ho?”

“and we showed it to the guys yesterday afternoon. they all loved it. we played it together almost perfectly.”

_you and semi sound like you were_ meant _to play together!_

“you tend to have that effect on others,” tendou grins. 

“everyone asked him to join our band,” semi states finally. “our haphazard, loosely tied together band.”

tendou’s eyes widen slowly, as does his grin. “that’s so awesome! you'd mentioned he could play but i never really got to hear it.”

semi nods just a bit. “yeah,” he starts. “and uh—uh last night we stayed up kinda late—“

“right.”

“—writing lyrics for that song we worked on and—“

“uh huh.”

“—and he looked tired, so i picked him up and we went to bed, but—“

“ _uh huh._ ”

semi glares him. “i swear i’m punctual. i hardly ever sleep in. but _this damn boy_ was all over me this morning! he—“

tendou jumps and points at semi with a shrill laugh. “i knew it!”

“—he’s so comfortable and it works so well, i guess i just slept longer than usual!”

the waiter brings their drinks. each got water and a coffee. tendou starts to pour all the little packets of creamer they’ve been given into his cup while semi takes only one. 

“you are _so_ whipped, dude,” tendou decides as his eyes narrow at his coffee. it’s lightening with every packet of creamer he adds. “i’m happy for you guys.”

semi stares at his coffee, then at tendou. “ah—well, actually, i haven’t really... told him anything yet.”

a pause. “you _haven't_?” 

“no,” semi sighs. he doesn’t drink the coffee yet. just the cup would be enough to burn his tongue. “i don’t exactly—“

it’s tendou’s turn to glare at semi. “you’re in denial but you sleep with him _every night_? tell me how that makes sense!”

_there it is._ now semi’s just waiting for tendou to smack him. 

“it’s not—“

“no,” tendou cuts him off with a raised hand. “it _is_ like that. you’ve always been this way. in denial. you can _have_ feelings, you know. it’s _okay_ to want to be with someone.”

that feels like a slap to the face. 

semi hisses. “i _know_ that. it’s just—just that i don't know how to admit it to myself. i don't know how to tell him. if i _do_ tell him, i’ll have to acknowledge how i feel. i can’t—“

“what’s wrong with acknowledging how you feel?” tendou asks. his voice is light but his glare is deadly. he’s never like this with anyone but semi, and that’s only because he’s tired of seeing semi let these opportunities pass him by just because he’s afraid. 

“what’s _wrong_ with that?” semi scoffs. “what if _i’m_ wrong, _satori_ ? what if i've been interpreting how i feel _wrong_ ? what if i’m interpreting how _he_ feels wrong? what if i’ve been overstepping this whole time?” he knew this conversation might slide off the rails, but this is worse than he imagined. 

tendou takes a moment, swirling his spoon in his much too light coffee. “you like him, yes?”

_inhale._ “yes.”

“you could grow to love him, yes?”

this catches him by surprise, but the answer comes easy. how? why? “i — i think so, yes.”

tendou drops the spoon into the cup. “has tadashi stopped you from doing anything you’d see as overstepping?” tendou asks. he generally just goes with the flow, making assumptions on a whim and going with some powerful internal feelings. he never thinks twice about any decisions he ever makes. semi, however…

“well, _no_ , but—“

_“come back—“ half asleep tadashi whines._

“okay,” tendou says loudly now. “so _what_ are you calling overstepping?”

semi takes another deep breath. “the hand holding. the sleeping together. him kissing my head. me kissing his. me thinking about kissing him almost _all_ the time. me not even thinking _twice_ when i go to hold his hand or touch his fingers or—“

“do you _like_ doing that?” tendou is watching him very closely, looking for tells. 

“yes,” semi says firmly as he meets tendou’s eye. “i do.”

“so tell him,” tendou insists. his eyes are on fire. “if you say nothing, you'll end up sending mixed messages. especially with this band thing!” he slaps his hand on the table again. “you’re beautiful, eita. and talented. band fiends love pretty boys, okay?” 

semi tries not to blush. “ _okay_ , but—“

“if you don’t tell him and he sees everyone in love with you, he’s not gonna want to do all those things with you anymore,” tendou tells him honestly. _brutally_ honestly. “besides, why would he try being all lovey dovey with someone who’s not even sure that’s what he wants to be doing?”

semi frowns at him now. “but i _do_!”

“but he _doesn’t know that,_ ” the red head tells him, voice rising and falling. he’s tapping his pointer finger on the table but semi can’t look anywhere but his eyes. 

another sigh. “what if—what if i tell him and we get together? and it ends up not being what he wants? not what he needs?”

“how will you know if you never try?” tendon asks semi, sitting back in his chair. he touches his cup to see if it’s drinkable. “eita, you’ve always been afraid. for someone as confident as you, you never really know what you want.”

he tries not to be offended. after all, this isn’t the first time he’s hearing this. there was a time little sixteen year old semi eita never knew how to react when tendou satori touched his hands. 

_“i’m sorry—you didn’t mind before so i just assumed—“_

_“i—i don't know, i’m just—“_

“i don't want to disappoint him,” semi groans. he leans over his cup and feels the warmth wash over his face.

tendou reaches across the table to rest a hand on semi’s arm. “you guys have spent nearly every day together for the last year. i’ve yet to see either of you getting genuinely tired of each other.” 

there’s a pause.

“this is happening for a reason, eita,” tendou says. “you care about him and you need to let him know. if you say nothing, he’ll pass you by and you’ll never know how it would’ve turned out.”

_god, i’m such an idiot._

—

an hour and a half later, semi finds his way back home. he passes familiar buildings and trees with the sun bearing down on him like it has a personal vendetta against him. there’s sweat on his spine and he’s still mad about his hair never wanting to cooperate. his phone is at 5%. semi didn’t even dare pull it out of his pocket. 

every single word tendou spoke is the truth. he’s never been one to beat around the bush; tendou is always blunt and straightforward. he doesn’t see the point in trying to butter things up to make something easier for people to consume, even in times of crisis. like the time he had to tell his mother the cat knocked down her favorite plant. 

_“the cat murdered your plant, mom.”_

_“satori, why’d you have to say it like that?”_

_“you think the plant is coming back from that?”_

it still makes semi angry. he _knows_ what he has to do. he _knew_ what tendou would say, how he would react, and what semi would say in response. even then, he wasn’t prepared for the disdain in tendou’s voice. _even then_ , he didn’t think he’d use tendou’s first name. semi didn’t miss the flicker in tendou’s eyes. almost like he’d pinched him or something. 

_maybe i should’ve said it… nicer_. 

semi just wants to go home and crawl back into bed, pull tadashi into his arms. but he can’t do that, can he? not when he hasn’t fessed up yet. the more he thinks about it the more wrong it feels. how _dare_ he touch tadashi when he can’t even tell tadashi the truth?

_i can’t. i won’t do anything until i’ve told him. until he knows how i feel, until i know how he feels. if i’m wrong… it’ll save us both the pain if we break the habit of all the close contact now…_

he can see the house from here. semi stomps, ever so lightly, all the way there. when should he say something? when will he ever be able to get his shit together? he’s already creating a list of rules for himself. rules he can’t break unless he does what needs to be done. 

now semi hears music. loud music, and… singing? he circles around the house and heads for the garage instead. when semi rounds the corner, the garage door is open. the set up is mostly the same, except for some huge speakers he remembers konoha mentioning and… someone standing proud in the center of it all, leaned into the (new) microphone like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. 

semi has to fight to keep his mouth shut. yamaguchi tadashi is screaming words to a song, an american song, semi’s heard before. he’s giving it all he’s got, even if he’s being goofy about it, with his wild expressions and left hand pushing into his hair. semi’s eyes graze over him and this time, his jaw really does fall. 

tadashi is wearing one of semi’s shirts. again. it’s dark purple, with bleach stains all over it. it’s cropped just below his belly button, but the way he’s moving, it’s lifted up and semi catches sight of his freckled ribcage. he’s belting into the microphone with his eyes closed. he looks very much awake, very much alive. semi feels his heart rattling around in his chest. this only amplifies his frustration. semi wants to cross the room and kiss the boy senseless, but that would definitely be breaking a rule he just made up in his head.

**rule number four: no impulsive moves.**

_you only get to enjoy those things if you tell him the truth, eita. make up your mind._

semi supposes he could tell him now. actually cross the room and pull his close by his—semi’s shirt—collar and kiss him til he can’t see straight. but atsumu is to tadashi’s right, playing poorly on konoha’s electric guitar. hinata is playing atsumu’s drum set, standing and beating anything he can hit with the sticks at any random moment. konoha is to the left of tadashi, belting into an equally new and shiny microphone. 

“ _i should be over all the_ **_butterflies_ ** _!_ ” they scream at each other. “ _i’m into you—i don't know the words—_ **_BUTTERFLIES_ ** _!_ ”

the drums stop. “eita’s back, guys!” hinata points a drum stick at him. it’s now that semi realizes he’s already broken one of his promises; he’s staring slack jacked at tadashi with hardly any remorse. he hadn’t even realized. is he really _that_ whipped?

“eita!” tadashi exclaims. he steps away from the microphone and waves enthusiastically. the crop top looks—well, _incredible_ on him. bonus points for it being semi’s own shirt. semi wonders if he picked that shirt on purpose. he wonders if—

_nope._

**rule number five: don’t think about his freckley chest.**

konoha bounces up to him, cheeks pink. “check it out! the speakers and mics we ordered came in! we put it all together and we’ve been testing out the sound!”

“isn’t it great?” hinata cheers. 

“can’t wait to piss off the neighbors,” atsumu states with a firm nod. he sets konoha’s guitar down on its stand. 

“that’s—“ semi can only chuckle. “it sounds really awesome, guys.” and really, it did. it was slowly becoming a true practice space. maybe even a performance space. speaking of...

he’s never heard tadashi sing like that before. while it was loosely planned and messy, it didn’t even matter. tadashi was belting it out like no one in the world could hear him, and it sounded _fucking amazing._ semi is surprised by this boy every single day with something new. tadashi was ever evolving, after all. semi will never tire of him. 

tadashi runs up to semi and he can’t help but freeze, 

**rule number one: no unnecessary touching.**

because tadashi takes his hands and starts pulling him toward the center microphone. the outside light hits it at just the right angle. it’s sparkling. it’s new. it’s inviting. hinata is banging on drums again but atsumu is running him off. konoha is pulling his guitar close, and hinata is removing his own from its stand. atsumu sits and the sounds he creates reverberates in semi’s tightening chest. 

konoha removes his pick from his teeth as he and hinata’s sound bleed into atsumu’s foundation. tadashi is leaned into the mic, smiling so wide and talking at ten thousand miles an hour. semi can’t even think straight because,

**rule number two: no prolonged eye contact.**

he can see all the different browns and yellows and golds in tadashi’s eyes. he can see the mischievous glint in them, the darkness of his lashes spread out over his cheeks. he can see the redness of his face, like he might be nervous but he’s hiding it well. 

tadashi leans over and his lips brush semi’s ear as he’s unsteady on his feet. “you know this song,” tadashi whispers with a laugh. “sing with me.”

_i have to be fucking dreaming._

when he leans back, he gives semi a wink before _singing_. singing like he means it. singing with his face pressed close to the microphone, fingers grazing the back of semi’s arm, eyes inviting him to lean in and join him. what did they feed this kid to get him to do something so bold?

**rule number three: no secret flirting.**

semi _does_ know this song. very well in fact. he’s known it for years. he always plays it at full blast and he’s been caught by tendou screaming the words whilst in the shower on _several_ occasions. he’s translated the lyrics to get the full meaning, sang it with a ridiculous, over exaggerated voice, sang it like he meant it. and now… 

tadashi is _singing_ right before his very eyes. there are four different sounds echoing through his bones, ten million different thoughts bouncing in his head. he made rules, made himself a promise. semi made those rules to protect himself; protect tadashi in the long run in case semi completely pussied out. but his voice is warm and inviting, and semi likes this new sound system. and he _really_ loves this song.

semi can be tedious, precise and thoughtful. he used to be a real stickler for schedules and rules in high school. he likes routine and hates when things don’t go his way. but tadashi is _ever evolving_ , with new surprises every single day, and semi is weak, so very weak for him. he’ll break every stupid rule he came up with for this boy. he’ll break routine, break any habit, break down any walls he may have up for this boy. 

because semi _likes_ him, damnit. because semi can grow to love him. before he can even attempt to stop himself, he’s singing into the microphone with everything he has. tadashi is so close to him, and the sound washes over him in great waves. 

he might be drowning. _mr. brightside_ by the killers is stuck in his head for days on end afterward. 

_this is… it has to be some kind of dreamland._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> semi u are absolutely whipped


	8. dreamland sequence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unpacked boxes and late phone calls

dreamland sequence (by coin) —

a little over a week later, early june 

there are stacks of empty crates and boxes on one wall in the garage. every closet is full, every room cozy and individual. the fridge is brimming with food. there are photographs and art pieces on every wall in the house. strings of lights hang on tops of walls in every bedroom, instruments sit pretty on stands. 

it just feels like _home_. they’ve worked together to make it perfectly their own.

when semi isn’t working, he, konoha, and atsumu spend a lot of time cleaning out the garage and making it look nice enough for a practice space. all their instruments have found their designated places, all hooked up to expensive speakers they'd pitched in on. they’ve strung up lights and lanterns and plugged in lamps until it was almost a fire hazard. there are stolen street signs, broken crosswalk lights, and old band posters everywhere. the garage feels like _them_. like they were finally comfortable and finally able to breathe. 

tadashi and hinata spent a ton of time arranging the living room to maximize the space available. they unpacked boxes of kitchen supplies until almost every cabinet was full (courtesy of many kind parents and too many extra utensils). hinata was a surprisingly skilled cook; he and atsumu started making most of the meals for everyone. 

everyone's bedrooms are crowded but wonderfully breezy. even rooms that weren’t his own, tadashi grew to admire. everyone seemed so… _themselves_ here. everyone's rooms were specifically made for them, like their own personal safe haven.

they'd had friends over a few times already. kageyama came and stayed the night some day last week. he and hinata made dinner for everyone, while tadashi drowned him in questions about how he’s been and what he’s been studying. 

tendou came and challenged the entire household to a game of mario kart (atsumu won and everyone but semi learned that tendou is a _very_ sore loser). tendou promised next time he’d beat every single one of them. 

osamu and suna came one night upon atsumu’s invitation. he and hinata made dinner and they all scattered around the kitchen to eat, osamu and suna both taking turns making fun of atsumu for being too scared to talk to the cute waiter at semi’s favorite diner. apparently, after seeing that waiter, the diner had become atsumu’s favorite, too. 

on top of all that chaos, konoha even convinced the entire household to go get matching cartilage piercings together. semi was the first to agree, claiming he had been waiting for the right time to get a new one. tadashi didn’t miss the sparkle in atsumu’s eye even though his agreement had been nonchalant and relaxed. 

konoha sat in the chair first; it was only fair, seeing as how nervous the rest of them were (semi wasn’t, but he harassed konoha either way). hinata went next to prove he wasn’t afraid. then atsumu, tadashi, and semi. tadashi gripped semi’s fingers so tight he was sure he’d break them but semi didn’t mind. 

he’d already broken all his rules. more than once. did it even matter?

_“eita?” tadashi pads into the room quietly. he’s just brushed his teeth and changed into pajamas for the night. it’s nearing midnight, and his whole body droops._

_semi looks up from his place on the bed, setting his phone to the side and fighting that godforsaken smile creeping onto his lips. “yeah?”_

_semi feels the bed dip where the younger boy has started moving toward him. tadashi sits in front of semi, who’s got his knees pulled to his chest. tadashi pushes his legs down and sets his head down in semi’s lap._

_“can you just… do the thing?”_

**_rule number one: no unnecessary touching._ ** _broken._

_semi never knows how to say no. he never knows how to express that bothersome feeling in his chest. though, it’s not really a bother, is it? how can it be with this boy's head in his lap? semi lets his fingers drag through tadashi’s hair and he forgets about his rules._

_he can worry about it another day._

tadashi and semi piece their room together little by little, box by box. they stuck posters to walls, hung picture frames, taped polaroids and printed photos anywhere they’d fit. the closet was divided down the middle, as were the drawers at the bottom, but tadashi took it upon himself to conveniently _forget_ which was his own, and which side belonged to semi. semi doesn't mind that, either. especially not when tadashi seems to _conveniently_ wear all the softest, cutest shirts semi owns. 

when tendou came to visit, semi was sure tendou would slice him up and serve him to satan on a silver platter. even despite semi’s wimpy rules, he and tadashi had sort of lost their sense of personal space when it came to each other. 

during the mario kart games, tadashi sat on the couch and semi sat between his legs. tendou was next to them the whole time, and semi tried to act like the seating arrangement was an accident, but that was impossible with tadashi leaning over him, covering semi’s eyes to distract him, setting his chin on semi’s head, squeezing semi’s torso with his legs. 

semi liked it so much he couldn’t be bothered to recall those stupid rules. besides, semi is so _weak_ for this boy. 

but, of course, tendou noticed. semi received a text after tendou had left. 

**satoriiii** : _have you told him yet?_

**EITAAAA** : _… no_

**satoriiii** : _eita,,,,,,_

**EITAAAA** : _but what he and i have is so good as it is? he doesn’t seem to mind and i definitely don’t mind either_

**satoriiii** : _if u say so~_

semi tucked his phone under his pillow that night and didn’t look at it again until the next day. 

in the meantime, though, he and tadashi spend nearly every night after the others have gone to bed working on lyrics together. the whole of them practiced covers in the garage, for fun and for _science reasons,_ konoha had said. semi shares the lyrics he and tadashi worked on to them every day, and they’ve been trying to piece together semi’s original idea. 

not only that, but konoha and hinata brainstorm the possibility of a house show. 

“house show?” atsumu asks between bites of food. it’s dark outside and the kitchen light gives him an eerie look. “like… here? like in our house? like our garage? here

“yes, here,” konoha points to the garage door. “hinata and i know some people who work for the university newspaper. they can help us spread the word after we pick a time and place. they also said we could put up fliers in designated areas around campus.”

hinata is grinning. he looks to tadashi, who is listening intently. “kiyoko. kiyoko works for the newspaper. she can help us!”

tadashi nearly chokes in his food. he hasn’t seen kiyoko in nearly three whole years. “kiyoko? kiyoko shimizu?”

“and akaashi keiji, my old teammate,” konoha adds. “she and akaashi work on a specific section of the newspaper, i’m—i’m not really sure how it works but they both promised to help!”

semi watches them all compute this information for a minute before interfering. “i say we do it. i can take off work for next weekend or something.”

“wait—“ tadashi turns to semi. “ _next weekend_ ? that’s so soon! we don’t have anything original, or even a _band name_ and—“

“so?” atsumu shrugs. everyone turns to him but he doesn’t falter in the slightest. “we don’t need originals yet. we can play plenty of covers together, right?”

semi and konoha both nod, to tadashi’s amazement. 

“in fact,” semi starts to smile mischievously, a smile that makes tadashi shift in his spot. “i’m already thinking of a setlist.”

konoha starts smiling too, and tadashi bites down on his knuckles, sweat accumulating on his spine and dread pooling in his stomach. a show. a _real_ show in front of _real_ people. even if it’s not originals, tadashi will have to stand and perform for them. 

“besides,” konoha cuts in. “this is just a house show. it’s nothing serious. more of just something to do for fun, you know?” he asks to the open air, but tadashi feels like it’s directed at him specifically. 

they’re all crowded around the table, where it’s easy to see someone make even the smallest movement. hinata and atsumu start talking about possible song covers and konoha is mumbling about show outfits and who he should invite. semi’s hand falls beneath the table. it lands on tadashi’s cramped fists in his lap, and semi shares his warmth and quiet confidence. 

it’s semi’s way of saying _i believe in you_ without actually saying it. would actually saying it violate some rule he made? maybe. 

“we’ll need a band name,” konoha calls out to the table. all the commotion settles and semi’s hand stays right where he put it. tadashi can feel the nerves ebbing away, like semi’s hand was absorbing it all. “something to put on the fliers, something everyone can remember us by.”

hinata’s thinking face makes him look a little constipated, with his pointed fingers resting on his chin. atsumu pushes his plate away a little bit. it’s quiet for a second too long, then they all start firing off names without giving anyone else the chance to hear them. 

_musical crows._ terrible. 

_plated gold._ what?

_golden crows!_ bad. 

_golden foxes?_ no. 

_golden owls_. nope.

_night owls!_ absolutely not!

_galactic crows_. that’s the worst one.

semi stays quiet as the others spitfire back and forth. most of the ideas are atrocious, embarrassing, or just plain boring. he’s thought of band names for years, dating all the way back to when he first started playing music. of course, he was younger then, and those names tiny semi came up with equally as terrible as the ones being shared right now. 

hinata sticks to the animal theme and atsumu keeps mentioning space related things. konoha wants a more serious approach but tadashi can’t think of a single, worthwhile idea. 

_“this line here… it’s about getting lost in space, right? getting lost and then having someone bring you back to earth? like a rescue type thing?”_

_“yeah, exactly.”_

_“is it a dreamy love song?” tadashi asks teasingly._

_“i’d say more a song of exploration, feeling lost but then being able to finally find your place in the world, even if that place is in someone else’s arms…”_

_“so a dreamy love song.”_

_“something like that.”_

tadashi remembers every word semi spoke, and how he said it all. careful, quiet. calculating, even, like he was weighing his options. what should he say and what should he keep to himself? what was semi hiding from tadashi? will tadashi ever find out? he wishes he could take a peek inside semi’s head and see what’s going on in there. 

semi’s thinking about something else completely. he’s thinking about the night before he had lunch with tendou, about tadashi coming down the hall with that massive blanket and pulling semi along with him. he had been half asleep, and the more awake part of his mind literally couldn’t compute the situation. 

tadashi’s hand gripping semi’s own, his sleepy hair, his stubborn voice. he remembers falling into bed and being engulfed in warmth. he also remembers falling asleep embarrassingly fast with tadashi’s hair between his fingers. semi thinks about the last coherent thought he had before passing out. 

_i’ve died and gone to heaven. i’m dreaming. this has to be a dream—some kind of—_

“dreamland!” semi blurts out now. “um—what about _dreamland_?”

the table goes quiet. hinata’s thinking hand drops. atsumu’s brows furrow. konoha’s mouth is parted after having been interrupted. 

tadashi returns a squeeze of semi’s fingers. dreamland sounded, well, _dreamy._ magical. inviting. their general sound was slightly heavier, deep and lulling, but dreamland seems to have struck a chord within all of them. the table is _still_ silent. this is a new record.

“maybe not?” semi squeaks. he clears his throat and it seems his heart is trying to crawl out of his chest. he truly didn’t have any better ideas, and this one came to him like a bolt of lightning. it was a perfect mix of sweet magnetism and curiosity. anyone who saw the word _dreamland_ would do a double take, surely. right?

“dreamland…” tadashi lets the word slide over his tongue, listening to the way it sounds and feels. the word has struck them all, but they’re all coming around. hinata and atsumu split into matching grins, eyes wide and sparkling. 

konoha glances between semi and tadashi, at the way their arms cross and dip beneath the table. he wonders if they’re trying to be secretive, and if they know it’s not working. _dreamland, huh?_

“dreamland!” hinata cheers. “dreamland sounds so cool!”

“it’ll be interestin’ to see a more gentle title like that combined with our—“ atsumu glances between them all, what with their dangling earrings, semi’s ringed fingers, konoha’s hair stained blue, each of them wearing some form of black. “—our overall look, i guess.”

it’s konoha’s turn to grin like a madman. “exactly! that’s what’s gonna make it so cool!” he points a finger at semi, who doesn’t even flinch. “you son of a bitch, you’re a _genius_!”

the table erupts back into chaos, with cheers and claps and pointing fingers. tadashi laughs until there are tears in his eyes. he never lets go of semi’s fingers, and semi doesn’t mind.

after all this time, all his fear, all his doubt… semi eita’s found his dreamland. 

_almost._

—

later that evening, after semi exits the shower, he gets a call. tadashi isn’t in the room; he’s in hinata’s room with the others, getting into who knows what kind of mischief. semi can hear their laughter from all the way down the hall. 

semi runs his fingers through his wet hair as he crosses the room toward the sound of his phone. his phone is half hidden under his pillow; he flips the phone over and nearly throws it across the room when he reads who’s calling. 

**mom <3 is calling…**

_shit._

“hello?” he answers as smoothly as possible. guilt boils in his blood. 

“ _eita! hi, son! how have you been?_ ” his mother’s sickly sweet voice asks from the other end. 

semi sits on the floor. cold hair drips water onto his bare chest. “i’ve—uh, i’ve been really good. really busy. with the end of the semester, this house, work… you know—“

“ _when can we see the house? i’m really happy for you by the way. i thought you wanted an apartment closer to the end of summer, so i was a little shocked when you told me about this house, but all your friends live with you! that’s so fun!_ ”

semi’s jaw clenches. his mother was always so patient and kind. he feels like a complete asshole. he hasn’t gone home in nearly six months, and has only called his mother maybe twice a month since that terrible night over winter break. 

“yeah, it’s been chaotic, but i like the change of pace. we get to play music anytime we want now,” semi says softly. his eyes burn. “how have you guys been?”

“ _pretty good! your sister is glad school’s finally out. she wants to visit you!_ ” his mother giggles. “ _she’s been playing the drum set your father got her for christmas every chance she gets._ ”

_shit._

“i bet she’s a natural,” semi replies, refusing to let his voice crack. he’d gotten so good at ignoring the constricting pain in his chest that formed whenever he thought about going home. but, truthfully, he misses them all. “surely sometime within the next month she can come up here and visit, show me her skills,” semi tries to laugh. 

“ _you should come home sometime, eita,_ ” his mother’s voice is still light but there’s a quiet implication there semi desperately wishes he could ignore. “ _it’s been a while, hasn’t it?_ _we miss you._ ”

“you know i miss you too,” he stifles a sigh. “it’s just—just that last time…”

“ _your father misses you too, you know._ ”

_step father._

“i—i miss him too, but—“

“ _i’m not exactly sure what he said to you last time; he won’t tell me about it. does it have something to do with you coming out to us?_ ”

she doesn’t know. of course not, because semi never bothered to tell her about the time his step father made fun of tendou just to get a rise out of semi, just to see _how he would react._ just thinking about it makes semi get dizzy. 

“something like that,” semi bites out, completely deadpan. he refuses to let his mother know he’s upset. she loves his stepdad too much, and it’s not like anyone could have expected him to be so—so _intolerant_. quietly disappointed. 

“ _he loves you like i do, eita. whatever he said, i’m sure he didn’t mean it in a harmful way._ ”

“you don’t even know what he said.”

“ _i would if you told me._ ” 

“i don’t want to.” he’s being childish, he knows this. 

“ _don’t be that way, eita. if you come home, maybe we can all talk it out._ ” his mother always tries keeping the peace. really, she’s never had to work overtime to keep the peace. the peace had never really been broken like this before. that’s why it was so disorienting for semi. 

“how do you know it’ll go over well? what if i bring a boy home, mom? what if he just sits there, brooding and angry, making everyone uncomfortable?” semi speaks calmly, begging himself not to get angry at his mother. she wasn’t to blame. “why would i want to be around that?”

there’s a slight pause. “ _because he loves you, no matter what. and i love you more than anyone else. more than him. and because i miss you._ ”

guilt cuts through him like a knife. her words stab him in all the worst places. he jabs his fingers into his eyes, willing that cursed burning feeling to go away. “mom, i love you. i miss you. i’ll come see—“

“ _don’t be this way._ ”

“i’m not being any way,” semi frowns. “i’ll come see you soon. just—we’re busy right now. i have stuff to do, so—“

“ _oh, okay. well—well just let me know, okay, son?_ ”

his chest tightens even more. “i will.”

“ _promise?_ ”

semi leans his head back as tears threaten to roll down his cheeks. he’s grown, damnit. he’s a big boy. why is he so upset? 

“promise.”

“ _i love you._ ”

“yeah,” semi whispers. “i love you too.”

she hangs up on him without saying anything else. he contemplates setting his phone on fire and never bothering to buy a new one. semi scrubs his hands over his face, shakes his fingers through his hair, and stands with a huff. he is _not_ going to cry. he’s going to get a shirt and he’s going to go to bed. he has to worry about akaashi and kiyoko spreading the word, about their house show, about tadashi and his stupid, pretty smile. 

“night, guys! oh—“ tadashi stumbles into the room with a laugh. semi whips his head around to see tadashi’s cheeks bleed pink. he falters only a little bit. 

_don’t let him know._

“are you okay?” tadashi asks as he shuts the door behind him. 

_how the fu—_

“yeah,” semi frowns, crossing to the closet. “why do you ask?”

tadashi takes light steps toward him. semi wills him to go away, to look somewhere else, to mind his _own damn business_. but of course, he doesn’t. tadashi pushes forward. tadashi enters his space. he sets a cold hand on semi’s bare shoulder and the contact sends shock waves through semi’s bones. 

“your eyes—“

it’s too much. it’s too fucking much. 

semi turns a little too fast, barely catching the way tadashi flinches at the movement. “what about it?”

worse, he doesn’t miss the way the boy swallows and pulls his hand away devastatingly slow. “eita—“

“my mom called.” 

_shut up. shut up. don’t say anything, don’t tell him, don’t cry, don’t fucking—_

“oh.”

“yeah,” semi snaps. the snap was unnecessary, and tadashi takes a step back. everything is falling apart before semi’s eyes. he had walked in laughing, beautifully happy, and semi ruined it. ruined it with his stupid, bitter feelings toward something he can’t change, something he couldn’t help, something he has no control over. 

he could give in. semi could drop his guard, stop fighting the burning in his eyes. he could fall into tadashi’s arms and let the boy hold him until all the pain went away. 

_but you can’t do that. you can’t do that because you’re weak. because you can’t tell him the truth._

“what—“ tadashi starts, his eyes darting frantically. was he _afraid_ of semi? “what did she say?”

_you could tell him the truth. you could be kind, honest. you could let him help you. let him hold you._

semi clenches his jaw until he’s sure his teeth will shatter. he’s dizzy, furious, confused. why was he getting angry at tadashi? why was he angry at all? what’s so wrong with someone wanting to help him? 

_you don’t deserve it, semi eita. you made him flinch, made him take a step back. he can’t even look you in the eye. he doesn’t even know what’s wrong. you don’t deserve his help._

“said she missed me,” semi says. he yanks a shirt over his head, hating the way the water from his hair soaks through the fabric, hating the way it’s just a little too scratchy, hating the way it’s just a little too tight. “said my dad missed me. that i should come visit.”

tadashi chews his lip and clamps his hands together. the air grows colder between them. he scans semi’s eyes, looking for some crack in his shield, some opening in his mask. he had only flinched because semi was always so… so kind. always kind and patient first, before anything else. tadashi just wanted to help him, and reaching out had always been first instinct. but the way semi reacted… pulling away like that…

tadashi’s seen the move before. 

_he’s probably just overwhelmed from the phone call. he hasn’t talked to them in a while, and he hasn’t talked about his stepdad since the night he… cried in my arms. he never wanted to talk about it, and now he’s being forced to. being forced to face it head on._

tadashi swallows. as much as he wants to help semi, he doesn’t want semi to walk all over him because he’s definitely _not_ to blame. he’d spent too much time being at the receiving end of someone else’s unjust anger. semi couldn’t do him this way, too. 

“that’s progress, right?” tadashi asks gently. he’s watching semi closely. he watches the way he yanks the shirt over his head, the way he throws his shoulders back trying to make the shirt fit better. he watched the way his chest rises and falls just a little too quickly. “doesn’t that make you feel a little better? to hear they want you to come home?”

semi stiffens. tadashi holds his breath. _please don’t pull away from me._

“i—“ semi starts. he maintains his composure as best as he can. “i tried to explain how my dad made me feel,” his voice cracks. “about how i didn’t really want to be around someone who—who would make me feel out of place. like i don’t belong.”

_that’s good. he’s standing his ground._

“she didn’t really wanna hear it,” semi spits out. the moonlight shines behind him, darkening his face. his hair is starting to dry just a bit, and the purple lights outline his body. “and i really don’t wanna talk about it.”

tadashi fights his rising heartbeat. “okay,” he murmurs. “okay, that’s fine. are you—are you mad at me?”

semi turns to look at him now, eyes ablaze and shining purple. he softens every so lightly, like he’s blinked out of his angry stupor. “no, of course not. i’m so—i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have—“

tadashi takes a step forward and reaches for semi’s hand. 

_you don’t deserve it, semi eita._

semi pulls his hand away. “i—“

“wh—“

_kei pulls away and the world begins to crumble. there is shock in his eyes. is that disgust, too?_

_“no. it can’t—it won’t work. i can’t do this.”_

tadashi feels sick to his stomach. 

“i’m gonna sleep on the couch, i think,” semi says, stiffening back up. tadashi watches his shield fall back into place, eyes looking anywhere but at tadashi. it feels like semi reached into his ribcage and squeezed tadashi’s heart half to death. 

“but, eita—“

“i’m sorry,” semi breathes. he’s backing up and making his way around tadashi. “it’s not your fault, i’m just—“

_i can’t even think straight. can’t be kind. can’t be patient. can’t be open. can’t even be honest._

tadashi frowns and semi hates the way his brows dip down, almost like he’s disappointed. semi smashes the urge to touch tadashi, to reach out to him, to pull him close. he made rules. this phone call was a wake up call, a reinforcer than semi eita cannot have what he wants if he doesn’t speak up. 

so why doesn’t he speak up now?

“what did i do?” tadashi asks to the open air as semi exits the room. the door snaps shut and tadashi feels like semi slammed it on his hand, like he’d physically hurt him. he wraps his arms around himself, completely affronted and… disoriented. 

_this whole time, he’s let me into his space. he lets me hold him when he’s upset, lets me be there for him. this whole time, he’s done the same for me. this whole time._

tadashi crawls into the bed and finds semi’s phone on the floor. there’s a text from tendou, a missed call from his sister, and a low battery alert. he plugs semi’s phone in before taking the pillow that smells like his grapefruit hair and pulls it close to his chest. he wills the lights to turn off, the moon to look away, the tightness in his chest to go away. 

_have i been overstepping this whole time? has he finally realized he doesn’t like what we have? maybe he doesn’t like me. maybe i’ve done something and he won’t tell me what it is._

this whole time, tadashi just wanted to be there for semi. he didn’t really care if anything romantic came of it, because semi was a friend unlike any he’d ever had. he liked their closeness, he liked holding semi and touching his hair and his fingers and wearing his shirts. 

but that’s not something friends do, is it? 

semi feels cast out by his step father for coming out as bisexual. maybe if semi did had feelings for tadashi, he doesn’t want to continue what they have. he’s cutting tadashi off now to save them both the pain of being together in the presence of his intolerant stepfather. 

_or maybe you’re just being selfish again. maybe he never liked you like that way and you just convinced yourself there was even the slightest chance. you were wrong. he doesn’t like you like that. he doesn’t want you like that. he doesn’t even wanna be around you right now._

he’s experienced something like this before, but this hurts worse. much worse.

tadashi doesn’t know when he started crying. he doesn’t know when he fell asleep, or when the tears stopped. 

—

after two weeks of sleeping in tadashi’s arms, the couch is cold and lonely. konoha came in sometime in the night for a snack, but semi pretended to be asleep to avoid any questions.

semi doesn’t know when he started crying. he doesn’t know when he fell asleep, or when the tears stopped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what’s a fic without a little angst?


	9. sinking ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> space between and a broken dam

sinking ship (by the backseat lovers) —

several days later

they don’t talk about it. they don’t talk much at all, honestly. semi sleeps on the couch every night and they don’t lean into each other at the island. 

everyone in the house takes note. no one says a thing. 

semi works almost every day, from early in the morning to about two in the afternoon, sparing him from any sort of terrible awkwardness. they go about the next several days calm, quiet, and lonely. 

atsumu and konoha go to work. hinata sees kageyama. tadashi plays keyboard in the garage. he dreams up a setlist. he organizes the closet, making sure to never grab anything that isn’t his own. he does everyone’s laundry, changes the sheets on the bed in an attempt to get rid of the grapefruit smell. it doesn’t work. 

there had been one morning tadashi didn’t sleep well, and semi had come in before the sun even rose. he was searching for his work shirt. 

_ “‘s in the laundry room,” tadashi mumbles. semi spares him half a glance and a short thank you before leaving the room again.  _

tadashi wants to confront him, wants to smack him and tell him  _ how dare you snap at me like that! _ he also just wants to sit him down and figure out what’s wrong, figure out how to move forward from here, because this silent treatment and cold air between them was suffocating. not only that, but semi can’t expect to sleep on the couch forever. maybe they’d have to get a second bed afterall.

tadashi spends an uncomfortable amount of his freetime trying to make sense of what’s going on. had semi already forgotten the time tadashi literally told him he liked him? did semi genuinely believe that was just a friendly thing? even then, all the hand holding… the knowing glances and inside jokes… semi had to have been okay with that to a certain degree, unless he’d been faking it. if that were the case, semi eita is an excellent pretender. if that’s not the case, what the hell else could explain his behavior?

tadashi is shaky for days.

when they’re all together, they practice and play music until someone bleeds. literally. tadashi has gotten onto all the guitarists telling them to either  _ use picks  _ or  _ take care of your damn hands _ . there was also the time atsumu poked himself in the eye with his drumstick (though, he didn’t bleed) and hinata laughed so hard he cried. 

konoha anxiously awaits a call from either kiyoko or akaashi, and atsumu sneaks off to the diner once or twice to see the cute waiter again. hinata tries to ask tadashi about what’s going on between him and semi, but tadashi doesn’t have an answer for him. he doesn’t even have an answer for himself.

“where’s eita?” atsumu asks now, leaning against the island. he and hinata just finished cleaning up lunch, and semi should be getting off work anytime now. tadashi and konoha sit on the island chairs, deeply invested in their phones. 

truthfully, tadashi is just trying to _look_ occupied. who knows what konoha’s looking at. 

“huh?” konoha mutters without looking up. “eita? oh, i don’t know. he’ll be back soon, i’m sure.”

hinata shoves into atsumu because he has nothing better to do. he’s tapping his feet, tadashi can hear it. hinata wants to say something. 

“what is it, hinata?” tadashi asks lightly. 

hinata’s eyes burn into tadashi’s forehead. “uh—“

atsumu elbows him. “shut it.”

“spit it out,” tadashi says with a split second glare at atsumu. “no secrets allowed.”

“well—“ atsumu elbows him again. “we just wanna know what’s—what’s been going between you and eita?”

konoha sets his phone down and glares daggers into hinata’s head. his cheeks turn the color of his hair and atsumu looks like he’s ready to set him on fire. 

tadashi takes a breath. “you’ve asked me that before. i still don’t have an answer.” 

“the show is probably soon,” hinata pointedly ignores everyone's eyes. “i just didn’t know if it would affect…  _ that _ . you know?”

he’s right. if tadashi and semi don’t talk soon, things will  _ stay  _ awkward. everyone will be walking on eggshells. neither of them will be able to perform to their utmost potential. tadashi knows that better than any of them; don’t they understand he’d be working toward a proper conclusion if he knew how? he’d make peace if semi would just  _ let  _ him.

tadashi mulls over a response when the front door opens. in the entryway stands a very exhausted, slightly disheveled semi eita. his work shirt is stained and untucked, hair wind blown and eyes tired. he’s holding his phone to his ear and points a finger at the group of them. they’re all dead quiet. this might be a new record. 

“i understand,” he says plainly. his voice makes tadashi’s chest hurt. who could he be on the phone with? “yep, thank you. i’ll tell them. alright, bye.”

he hangs up the phone and tucks it into his pocket painfully slowly. semi looks up at the lot of them, eyes widening when he realizes they’re all watching silently. hinata stopped tapping his foot. 

“that was kiyoko.”

the table bursts into chatter and questions. semi shuts the door and removes his shoes as the others crowd around him. tadashi stays completely still, not daring to get an inch closer. 

“she called  _ you  _ and not  _ me _ ?” konoha asks outrageously. 

“what did she say?” atsumu and hinata bombard him. “don’t just stand there! tell us! are we gonna have a show or  _ not _ ?!”

semi’s eyes fall on tadashi for a second too long. frustration bubbles up inside him again but he hides it well. he turns to the impatient gremlins before him and opens his mouth to speak. tadashi can feel anticipation weigh heavy on his shoulders.  _ spit it out already, eita. _

“we’ve got a show to play!” semi exclaims with surprising enthusiasm. 

the group of boys erupt into boisterous cheers, shoving each other and rubbing knuckles into each other’s heads. tadashi wishes he could join in on their excitement. semi’s enthusiasm seemed a little forced, but tadashi wasn’t about to question it. if there was even the slightest chance semi was genuinely excited, they were all in good hands. he’s their leader, afterall. their collective power and energy depended on the head of the operation.

“when is it?!” hinata asks, completely out of breath. “you gotta tell us when it is!”

“we gotta start inviting people!” konoha says, shaking hinata by his shirt collar. “we gotta see the newspaper article they wrote! we gotta see the fliers!”

semi flinches a little. “the fliers aren’t done but it’s this coming saturday.”

“ _ dreamland _ !” atsumu yells, hooking an arm around semi’s head and squeezing him close. semi purses his lips. “we get to see  _ dreamland  _ plastered on fliers across campus! can ya believe it, semisemi?!”

“we should plan outfits,” tadashi speaks from his place across the room. they all pause but konoha and atsumu don’t let go of the others. it’s a hilarious sight. “get one collective matching piece for all of us.”

“like a signature thing?” hinata asks with stars in his eyes. 

“exactly,” tadashi smiles. semi bites his cheek and instinctively crosses his arms. 

“you know,” semi starts. “i was thinking we all dye our hair.” 

tadashi spares him half a glance.  _ you would say that _ . 

“blue,” konoha insists. 

“red!” atsumu yells. 

“orange?” hinata squeaks. “i am  _ not  _ bleaching my hair!” thank 

“pink,” tadashi offers. he doesn’t miss the way semi stiffens. “red for hinata, like the ends maybe…”

“yer a genius, ‘dashi!” atsumu exclaims, throwing his arm around hinata now. “red fer you, hinata. none of us can do hair, anyway.”

“as for outfits…” semi intervenes. “something no one will be expecting, you think?”

“crop tops!” hinata says from beneath atsumu’s heavy arm. 

“fish nets,” konoha says solemnly. “ _ fish nets _ , i tell you.”

“lots of glitter,” semi adds, a grin bleeding onto his lips that even he can’t fight. “so much glitter.”

and so the planning began. 

—

they had four days to prep the garage, the house, their instruments, their outfits, their  _ souls.  _ tadashi was sure he’d pass away from the sheer anxiety he’s had for days on end now. he just hopes he doesn’t throw up before the show, or worse,  _ during  _ the show. 

he and semi do an excellent job dancing around one another while still mingling with the group. hinata doesn’t ask anymore questions but konoha watches them both with close eyes, and they both know it. 

atsumu takes it upon himself to buy  _ six _ boxes of pink hair dye and one box of red. he goes through his closet and sets out all his possible outfits. the others do the same, and several times a day they exit their rooms to show off their ideas in the hall. hinata practices eyeliner, too, with semi’s help. 

konoha helps tadashi crop some of his shirts, and shares a set of fish nets. where he got so many pairs of fish nets, tadashi has no idea. he never wants to find out. 

they all reach out to every person they keep in contact with to invite to their house show. it takes them an entire day to text and call all of them, an extra day or so to ensure they keep their word. 

semi contacts tendou. tendou invites ushijima, reon, and some of his group which consisted of sugawara koshi and hanamaki takahiro. semi had met those two on several occasions when going out with tendou. tendou knew a  _ lot  _ of people. besides, tadashi and hinata would be excited to see sugawara, right?

hanamaki invites matsukawa. sugawara invites daichi. semi’s never met those two. 

tadashi invites goshiki before semi can beat him to it, and he tells goshiki to bring shirabu and taichi too, if he wants. 

konoha invites akaashi, obviously. akaashi promises to bring bokuto koutarou, swearing up and down bokuto would be the most enthusiastic person in the crowd. konoha teared up a little after hanging up the phone. 

akaashi would bring kiyoko too, naturally. 

atsumu tells osamu  _ you better be there or i’ll kick yer ass! _ to which osamu responded by promising to bring suna, kita, and aran. osamu also told atsumu that he better not cry just because it’s been a while since he’s seen kita and aran. 

hinata pokes at atsumu and tells him to invite the cute waiter from the diner down the road. atsumu’s ears turn red and he tells hinata to fuck off. 

hinata doesn’t even have to  _ ask _ kageyama; he’s already sworn to coming regardless of when or where the show took place. 

this was the fun part; the preparation, the build up of anticipation, the boiling excitement. 

tadashi wants to share that excitement with semi. he wants to scream at him forever, tell him how he’s so pumped but he feels like he could throw up at the thought of performing in front of who knows how many people. just practicing with his bandmates took a serious amount of getting used to, and even then, he got over his fear mostly out of spite. 

semi spends most of his time directly avoiding tadashi. they’re never alone in the same room and he stops making a point to poke him, tap him, touch him in any way. after everything he did, semi is positive he’ll never be worthy of doing any of those things ever again. 

he wants to give up, stop being so stubborn, talk to tadashi about what happened, but he doesn’t know how. so semi says nothing at all. 

tadashi makes the internal decision two days before the show to confront semi. he promises himself he’ll do it however he can, whenever he gets the chance. as long as he gets it done  _ before _ the show. tadashi just needs an explanation, just wants to extend the olive branch. more than anything, he wants things to go back to the way they were, maybe even a little beyond that, but he’d give anything just to pretend this past week and a half never happened. like some freakish dream, some memory recap from a summer long since forgotten. 

_ forgotten. yeah, right.  _

—

the day of the show has finally arrived. the house is buzzing and tadashi is sure the walls will crack under all the built up pressure. 

_ “keep movin’ and yer entire head’ll be red,” atsumu hisses as hinata shifts on the toilet seat. atsumu uses his fingers to run red dye onto the ends of hinata’s hair. they never got gloves.  _

_ “my head’s already red!” hinata exclaims.  _

_ “you know what i meant!” _

needless to say, atsumu has red fingers and hinata has uneven red ends. hinata loves it. 

by noon that day, they're already all dressed and anxiously pacing around the house, with tadashi stress eating all the snacks and konoha calling akaashi to reassure himself people will still show up. 

who knows who all will show up? who cares, anyway? they’re having a  _ show _ . a real show. a real concert in their own garage with their own instruments and their own personalized covers. even an original. 

when semi presented  _ dreamland  _ with his ideal setlist, they all glanced over it once and agreed that his was way better than anything they would’ve come up with. tadashi noticed the original song thrown in at the end and wonders briefly if he’s serious; had semi finished it without him? probably. had he changed some of the bits tadashi wrote? possibly. 

did tadashi care? secretly, yes. he tries not to think about it too hard. 

_ “that is… hot pink,” tadashi breathes as konoha exits the bathroom. he shakes his hair out and smiles toothily at tadashi. “very pink.” _

_ “looks cool, huh?” _

_ “very.” _

_ hinata peeks out of his room to witness konoha’s bright pink hair. “wait, but eita’s is a lot lighter! how come konoha’s is so bright?” _

_ atsumu exits the other bathroom at this time too, with equally as bright pink hair strewn over his forehead. it contrasts nicely with his dark undercut. he looks proud. “eita lightened his dye cause he’s weak,” atsumu grins.  _

_ semi groans from his place at the island. his cotton candy pink hair falls forward and tadashi contemplates throwing him out the window. pink was such a good color on semi, it wasn’t even fair.  _

_ tadashi’s own bright pink layer sits nicely on his shoulders, lightly waved and reflecting off the dark green of his natural hair. they all match. it makes his heart race.  _

tadashi paces around the room. semi came in once or twice to grab different articles of clothing and tadashi makes a point not to look at him every time he  _ does  _ enter, because everytime he comes in wearing something different, something  _ better _ . 

the show starts at nine, only an hour from now, right after sundown. they cleaned the garage until atsumu said he’d feel comfortable eating dinner off the floor. konoha grimaced at that, wondering why the hell anyone would ever be comfortable eating anything off of any floor. the lights were strewn about in an inviting way, and semi checked all the speakers, plug ins, microphones and anything else that could malfunction, making sure to eradicate any small chances of disaster. 

tadashi can hear kageyama outside, poking fun at a cheerful hinata. he can hear osamu and atsumu arguing over whether or not the cute waiter will come, and tendou can be heard making bets close by. and if he listens extra closely, he could hear bokuto joining in on the betting, tendou egging him on, and akaashi’s quiet laughter. 

_ an hour. that’s all i have left to say something to eita. that’s not even enough time. maybe i shouldn't say anything at all, just forget about it and pretend all this never happened— _

“the party’s outside,” semi eita muses as he steps into the room. his tone is neither tight lipped or confidently smooth like usual. he’s nervous. for more than one reason, it seems. “are you hiding?”

tadashi thrusts his shaking hands behind him, whipping his head up to look at semi dead in the eye. he looks—looks  _ breathtaking _ . eye catching. dazzling, even. 

semi’s wearing baggy black pants with a thin silver belt, a light pink t-shirt tucked in to match his godly hair that tadashi will  _ never  _ get used to. from his ears hang sparkling earrings, from his neck hang layered silver necklaces, and his fingers are decked in his usual rings. there’s a line of black under his eyes, gold and silver glitter pulled across his eyelids and on the end of his nose. he’s even wearing lipgloss; the purple lights hanging around the room give his lips a tiny reflection. his hands are stained pink, tadashi notices briefly. his own, as well as hinata and konoha’s, were stained a similar shade of pink. atsumu has red fingers. i guess that would be their  _ thing.  _ tadashi fights back the urge to smile. 

semi tries not to scan tadashi, what with his two toned dark hair and bright pink underlayer. the upper half is pulled into a loose bun type style and the rest hangs around his shoulders. his matching cartilage piercing glows beneath his hair. he has blush across his nose, small eyeliner hearts beneath his eyes. konoha dressed him in black, wide ripped jeans and insisted he wore fishnets beneath it. the fishnets rise all the way up beneath his shirt, which atsumu helped him crop. it was black with personally made bleach stains, and tadashi had to force himself to stop pulling at the hem. he also wore heeled boots, and semi realizes only now that tadashi is looking  _ down  _ at him ever so slightly.

_ that’s enough staring _ .  _ time to go.  _

“i’m sure tendou wants to see your outfit,” semi says passively, crossing the room to snatch his phone from the charger. tadashi looks at his feet. 

“eita—“ he starts, already regretting his decision. “we need—we need to talk.”

semi tucks his phone away but doesn’t turn around.  _ is he seriously doing this right now? we have a show to perform!  _ he clears his throat. “talk about what?”

tadashi turns to him, staring daggers into semi’s back. this entire interaction is about to feel like peeling the a scab off a poorly healing wound. the wound was infected, though. it needed to be cleaned. taken care of, the right way. “you know what i’m talking about.”

“tadashi,” semi sighs, glancing at the boy over his shoulder. he gets the feeling he should’ve just left his phone in here; he didn’t really need it anyway. but semi knew this was coming, didn't he? he has to know it wasn’t fair to react the way he did on that night, then just walk away without an explanation. “why don’t we talk about it after the show?”

“because it’s important,” tadashi says solidly. he stands his ground despite nerves dancing over his skin like small shocks of electricity. “i need to know why you’ve been… this way. ever since that night.”

semi swallows hard. “what way?”

“distant and secretive,” tadashi frowns, waiting for semi to turn around and look him in the eye. “like you’re upset with me.”

“i’m not—i’m not upset with you,” the older boy breathes. his chest tightens, blood rushing to his head. he’s starting to feel cornered, like he’s suffocating. but he had this coming, didn't he? this is what he gets for being so avoidant. 

“then what is it?” tadashi asks, voice rising. he won’t let semi play dumb with him. “i only wanted to help and you got—got so upset. then you started avoiding me. everything had been—“ he stops that thought. “what did i do wrong?”

semi hates how stern tadashi’s voice sounds, how lost and confused it sounds. he hates how it makes his knees turn to jello. this  _ was _ all his fault. 

“you didn’t do  _ anything _ wrong,” semi starts calmly, willing himself to keep everything in check. he turns to face tadashi. “i just—“

“so why have you been avoiding me like i’m to blame?” tadashi asks now, voice icy and solid. he refuses to soften now. he needs answers, a decent explanation. maybe then the weight would lift from his chest. 

“maybe i’m just upset with myself,” semi snaps. he twists his bandaged fingers together to keep from clenching his fists. “maybe i wanted to distance myself from you, break the habit of all our closeness. maybe i thought it would save us from more pain later on.”

tadashi’s eyes narrow at him and semi feels so very small. this was  _ not  _ what he was expecting. “what the hell are you  _ talking _ about? this whole time, you never seemed to mind all the closeness. you even made the first move sometimes! why didn’t you stop me if that’s not what you wanted? i thought you enjoyed it, i thought—“

“i did!” semi throws his arms in the air now. he meets tadashi’s flaming gaze despite being so dizzy he felt like he really needed to sit down. “i  _ do _ ! i love every second of it but i don’t  _ deserve _ it!”

_ is this guy serious? _

tadashi takes a step toward him, watching as semi’s knees hit the bed. he doesn’t sit, though. “who cares if you don’t deserve it? it’s what you want, isn’t it?”

tadashi started this conversation in hopes that it would go smoothly, that the explanation would be simple and he could take it with a grain of salt and move forward. he couldn’t have expected this sort of outcome. even his own rage shocked him. 

“of course it’s what i want,” semi bites back, brows furrowed and eyes shielded. “but i didn't know  _ how _ to tell you how i felt! i swore to myself i can't enjoy all those things unless i told you the truth!” he’s shaking but he doesn’t drop. it was now or never; time to lay it all out on the table. everything comes out like word vomit; he doesn’t even let himself think twice about it. 

“wait—“

“i can't tell you how i feel because i'm not  _ good enough _ for you!” semi exclaims, pointing a finger at tadashi’s chest. his shoulders rise and fall unevenly, built up frustration ready to set his skin on fire. “i’m not what you need!”

tadashi bites his cheek. “how you  _ feel _ ? eita, i dont care if you think you’re not—“

_ it’s too much. he doesn’t see it. i can’t communicate properly, and i’m only making it worse. you’re ridiculous, semi eita. hopeless. you’ll die alone.  _

tadashi is standing too close, close enough semi could reach out and touch him. his faces is too scrunched up, rage and confusion visibly evident over his features. his knuckles are white. the image makes semi sick to his stomach; he did this to tadashi. this is his fault. 

he’s angry. he’s angry at himself, at his stepfather, at his dismissive mother, at tadashi for being too goddamn perfect to even be real. he’s angry at tendou for making him realize the truth, angry at his mother’s phone call for instilling this stubborn idea into head. 

_ this is your fault, semi eita.  _

tadashi’s features don’t soften. his knuckles don’t return to their natural color. he has to resist the urge to take semi by his shirt collar and knock some sense into him. his explanation was ridiculous. this whole time, he held back because he didn’t think he was  _ worthy _ ? tadashi hadn’t spent nearly every day for the past year with this boy for nothing. tadashi didn't comfort him, didn't tease him, didn’t run his fingers through his hair for nothing. he didn’t lean into semi at the island, didn’t play music for him in the privacy of their room, didn’t  _ share a bed _ with him for  _ nothing.  _

while tadashi may not have had ulterior motives, semi was still his  _ best friend.  _ they’d gotten so close, both mentally and physically. sure, he’s grown to like semi. hell, grown to  _ love  _ him! even in this outrageous state where tadashi could just strangle him, where semi looks like he could just bust through the window and run away, tadashi  _ loves _ him. even when semi ignored him, he  _ loved _ him. even when semi cried in his arms, he  _ loved _ him. even when semi helped him pass a math quiz, he  _ loved _ him. between all these major, emotionally exhausting events, and all the insignificant events they might not remember in fifty years, tadashi had grown to  _ love _ him. love him and his spindly fingers, his grapefruit hair, his lazy morning grin.

“why can’t you see i’m trying to protect you?” semi’s voice cracks and tadashi feels his heart begin to shatter. his fists unclench. semi’s shoulders slouch. “why can’t you see i’m not who you need? who you  _ deserve?! _ ” semi yells, planting his face into his hands.

semi seems to have crumbled, but tadashi isn’t done yet. 

he takes a deep breath, closing the distance between them and pulling semi’s hands away from his face. he doesn’t hold on, though. semi’s hands fall to his sides. he can see righteous anger blazing in tadashi’s eyes. 

“why can’t  _ you _ see you're all i’ll  _ ever _ need?” tadashi jabs a finger into semi’s chest. “you’re all i’ve ever  _ wanted _ !”

semi’s tongue works, searching for the right words to say. tadashi’s confession slams into him like a wrecking ball, and he can’t even fully process everything the boy said. he feels like he’s reaching toward something that’s moving farther and farther away.

“tadashi, i—“

there’s a knock at the door. tadashi blinks and takes a step back. the door cracks open just a little, and semi flinches at the light and sound pouring in from the hallway. konoha leans through and smiles sheepishly at the two. 

“shows about to start, we need to get out there.”

konoha shuts the door and tadashi feels an even more daunting weight settle on his shoulders. he thought talking this out would make him feel better, but semi hasn’t moved, hasn't said anything that might let tadashi know how he truly feels. 

semi collapses onto the bed, feeling a headache settle behind his eyes. why hadn’t tadashi waited until after the show? at least then they could all go into this very first show together excited and mostly weightless. 

tadashi turns around completely and looks down at semi, making him feel small again. “come on. we have a show to perform.”

semi’s sure this conversation isn’t over, but for now he needs to focus on the show and nothing else. they are depending on him, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pain . all i know is pain i am so sorry


	10. i wanna be yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dazzling lights and a dark hallway

i wanna be yours (by arctic monkeys) —

show time

multicolored lights reflect off every guitar, every speck of glitter, every drop of sweat. drum beats echo off the walls, bass chords reverberate through their bones. with pink and red stained hands, they play like they’ll never get the chance to play again. like it’s the end of the world. 

for semi eita, it just might be. 

atsumu’s broken a drumstick already, pulling an extra out of his back pocket and carrying on like it’s nothing. his vibrant hair is sweaty and sticking to his forehead, eyelids bleeding black liner and golden glitter. his sleeveless shirt is soaked in sweat, but he doesn’t think anything of it. sakusa kiyoomi is up front, leaning against the wall and holding his arms close, watching atsumu like he’s the only one in the room. 

konoha pushes his hair out of his eyes with a stained hand, taking the pick from between his teeth and continuing to play like his life depends on it. his ripped jeans hang on his hips, signature fishnets underneath. his cheeks are red and decorated with sticker hearts, courtesy of hinata. he leans into the mic and his voice melts beautifully with semi’s. 

hinata can’t keep the grin off his face. it grows every time he catches sight of kageyama, every time someone cheers his name, every time atsumu points a drumstick at him. his talent extends beyond anything tadashi ever could’ve dreamt of, and he puts on a show like he has nothing to lose. his red streaked hair fluffs around his face, black glitter liner running beneath his sharp eyes. 

tadashi has swallowed his nerves, allowing some makeshift mask to fall into place, fake confidence seeping into his veins. he learned it from semi;  _ fake it til you make it _ . he plays in a way he didn’t think he was capable. tadashi never dreamed of playing in front of so many people, or anyone at all for that matter. the music vibrates through the floor, shooting up through his shoes and into his heart. his blood is prickling with electricity and he can feel laughter bubbling in his chest. despite semi’s every movement acting as a pin in his side, he refuses to allow himself to falter. 

semi eita takes center stage like he was born to be there. the mic is glistening and dashed with bits of glitter falling from his eyes, and his hair.  _ yes _ , his hair. the cotton candy pink glimmers under this light, specked with reds and blues and purples. his shirt is stained with sweat, but he doesn’t care. his jewelry gives him added sparkle, catching the eye of everyone in the room. the crowd, though some of them already knew him, absolutely  _ adores  _ him. 

ringed fingers, pink stained skin, and black painted nails grip the mic like it’s trying to slip away from him. his bass rests across his chest, shining in all its purple and silver glory. he grins and smirks and laughs in the most dazzling way, the most entrancing way, the most  _ effortless _ way. tadashi makes a point not to look at him for fear of getting pulled into his magnetic orbit. 

they look like  _ kings _ . they  _ feel  _ like  _ kings _ . they play like  _ kings _ . 

it’s all like a dream. like their own little dreamland.

each of them get drunk on this feeling; the feeling of being appreciated, of being understood, of being wanted. music had its own special way other tethered people in a way nothing else on this earth could ever achieve. even despite not having a ton of their own original music, the covers light a fire under the crowd. semi made sure to pick songs people would know, songs his bandmates would be  _ sure  _ to overperform for. 

he’s not surprised when they’re all dancing like no one can see them, making faces at the people in the crowd, leaning into mics shamelessly, smiling easily. 

it almost makes semi forget about the disaster with tadashi half an hour before the show. almost. he doesn’t let himself get distracted; he lets the music lead him and lets all other rational thought leave him. 

semi eita leans into the mic with glossy lips and that ridiculous lopsided grin of his, glittery eyes scanning the crowd. he winks at tendou, who pretends to catch it and hold it close to his heart. he takes account of the amount of people here; it’s enough to fill the garage with more people crowded around outside. some stand to the side with their hands in their pockets, others scrunch in real close and smile at him like he’s made up a new magic trick. 

“thanks for comin’ out tonight,” he says smoothly, his voice scratching lightly. “we’ve got one more for you guys, if that’s okay?”

he’s met with cheers and an extra loud clapping from tendou. “i’ll take that as a yes,” he laughs lightly. “this one is an original of ours, something i’m quite proud of.”

tadashi can’t help but look at semi now, though he can only see him from a side view. he’s standing tall, proud, unweighted. the light catches the glitter on him perfectly. the breath hitches in tadashi’s throat at his words, hitches again when he watches semi pull his bass around and adjust it in his grip, cartoon bandaids on nearly all his fingers. 

they’d all practiced this song enough to have it be muscle memory by now, yet tadashi can’t help but wonder if semi’s changed any aspects to it. 

“it’s called  _ our constellations _ ,” semi says gently. he takes a step back, clears his throat, and his fingers find their place on his bass. tadashi feels his lungs constrict; semi hadn’t given it a title until now. 

_ our constellations _ . 

it starts off slow, deep and inviting with just semi on bass. he plays carefully, methodically. he can feel who knows how many pairs of eyes boring into him, but he doesn’t care. semi cannot mess this up, not when everything else he’s tried recently has ended in catastrophe. 

_ this song is for you. for us. hopefully it says all the things i never knew how to.  _

konoha’s guitar sound melds into his own, and semi closes his eyes. tadashi falls in, working desperately to keep up. hinata’s sound comes in, and semi’s head falls back. 

tadashi’s hands nearly freeze. 

semi’s pink hair cascades past his shoulders, exposing his neck and all his shining earrings. his eyes open and tadashi finds semi peering carefully at him. those eyes are wide, earnest, soft. kind. 

“eita…” tadashi whispers, the name falling off his tongue so naturally, so quickly he didn’t even realize he said it out loud until the corner of semi’s mouth quirks up ever so lightly. 

semi’s head snaps up fast and he leans into the mic again, fully aware that all eyes are on him. this song isn’t a song to flaunt to, though. it’s a song to tear open your heart and expose it to whoever’s listening, a song to pour every ounce of your blood, sweat, and tears into. so that’s what semi does. it’s the least he can do, after royally fucking everything up between he and tadashi. suddenly he’s not so sorry tadashi confronted him before the show. 

his voice is quiet at first, hitching and scratchy. semi has been singing for as long as he can remember, but he’s given tonight his all, and his voice was going to pay for it. it doesn’t slow him down, though. 

there’s a pause. atsumu hits his drums hard enough to send shockwaves through tadashi’s entire body, and semi’s voice rips out across the garage with more passion than any of them were expecting. this was no longer  _ dreamland’s _ song, it was semi’s performance, his apology, his begging for understanding and forgiveness. 

it’s a song of being born at the start of time, of being aimless and alone on earth. it’s about exploration, looking for a life worth living in the most unexpected places. it’s about traveling to space in search of purpose, of placement, of belonging knowing full well that isn’t your home. it’s about refusing to admit you’ve gotten lost, that there’s no one to blame but yourself. semi sings until his throat burns. 

tadashi’s eyes sting but he plays with equal intensity. the song sounds so good being shown to the public like this. 

there are lines about the colors pink and purple, about glitter like a night sky full of stars, about losing sight of where you came from. there’s a line about finally finding someone to anchor you down and take you home, fighting them despite knowing that’s what you really need. the lyrics start changing, bandmates share confused glances, but semi never stops, not even for a second, not even for a breath. 

he grips his bass until his knuckles turn white. semi’s chest is tight and it’s not from being out of breath. 

there’s another pause. atsumu stops with his hands in the air, konoha and hinata look to semi. tadashi holds his note. he can see semi’s shoulders rise and fall unevenly. he can feel his legs turn to jello, his joints and bones threatening to give out at any second. semi looks ready to crumble and tadashi looks ready to be there and catch him. 

_ you bring me back to earth, and it’s like i finally belong, like the puzzle is finally complete.  _

tadashi feels the world begin to spin. 

_ i turn to you and find myself getting lost all over again in your freckle constellations.  _

semi doesn’t dare look anywhere but directly ahead. 

_ can we make a map of our constellations? can we take this journey together— _

the crowd loves it, not even understanding the thousand layers beneath the lyrics. semi’s voice is aching and the song is coming to a close. all other instruments have fallen away except his bass and tadashi’s keyboard. 

“hand in hand,” semi rasps. “so i never get lost again.”

he holds his last note until the cheering slows. tadashi feels his hands begin to shake. the song… the lyrics… semi changed them so much. did he—did he come up with those on the spot? just like that?

konoha takes the lead in gathering them all in a line. they’re all dazed, a little confused, drunk off the feeling of their first collective success. dreamland takes a bow as cheers and clapping wash over them. 

tadashi stands first, rational thought leaving his brain. his hands hurt and his feet hurt and his heart hurts. everything he said to semi… had he finally struck a chord? semi changed the lyrics. he  _ looked  _ to tadashi before the song started, with that small smile. was that lyric change meant for tadashi? was the song a final goodbye, closing the blinds on something they never really had?

or was it semi throwing open the curtains, letting light and warmth wash over him, letting the truth and hopeless romance settle into his bones? 

tadashi doesn’t wait to find out. he leans up first, watching as his bandmates wave and grin at the people beyond them. they’re all sweaty and smelly. semi’s smile is just a little too tight lipped. 

_ “is it a dreamy love song?” _

_ “something like that.” _

tadashi steps behind konoha, grabbing semi by the back of his arm and begins pulling him away from the others. semi fights back just a little, turning and giving tadashi strange looks, but he doesn’t say anything. 

tadashi opens the door and semi falls out of his grip. he storms around the corner into the dark hallway, knowing semi is following close behind. tadashi turns just a little too fast, catching semi by his shirt collar and pushing him into the wall. semi only blinks. 

“what the hell was  _ that _ ?” tadashi seethes, heartbeat heavy and inconsistent. his hands are shaking, semi’s shirt sweaty in his grip. 

_ that song. that song was for me. the lyrics were for me. everything i said… what is he trying to say? is he trying to say anything at all? _

“what the hell was  _ what _ ?” semi responds slowly, shifting as his shoulder blades dig into the wall behind him. honestly, what other reaction was he expecting? 

“that—“ tadashi huffs. “that song! you switched up the lyrics!”

_ this song is for you. for us. hopefully it says all the things i never knew how to.  _

tadashi’s intervention before the show felt like a slap to the face for semi. he never really anticipated tadashi to invade his space like that, cornering him and demanding an answer. he never expected tadashi to be so angry, so outraged at semi’s explanation. though, his reasonings were weak, weren’t they? 

he can’t form proper thoughts. semi doesn’t have anything clever to say, nothing to prove his feelings for tadashi, nothing to show his sincere appreciation and—and  _ love  _ for tadashi. 

_ “i dont care if you don’t think you’re—“ _

_ don’t care if i think i’m what? not enough for you? always so noble, tadashi. you see right through me.  _

“i changed it because—“ semi tears down his shield. he’s tired of hesitating, tired of holding back. if this boy was willing to appreciate him, all parts of him, why would semi fight it? it's what he wants as well, right? “i changed it because i wanted to sing what i was too afraid to say. because—“

the air is crackling between them. time slows. semi’s lips are parted as more words spill from his tongue, but tadashi’s grip on his shirt tightens. semi’s eyes widen as he feels himself getting pulled forward, upward ever so slightly. 

their lips clash with little grace. semi’s face floods with heat, alarms blaring in his head. this is definitely breaking a rule. but so was admitting to the change in lyrics technically, and so was —

tadashi’s open palm shoves semi backward and he hits the wall again with a huff. there’s no rhythm to this kiss, only frustration and confusion, a way of saying what needed to be said without actually saying it. a way of saying  _ nothing else i’ve said has proven my point, so take this instead.  _

it was not gentle, either. tadashi pulls away and briefly wonders if his lip is bleeding. semi stares at him, completely dumbfounded.

“you,” tadashi pokes a finger into his ribcage, “are  _ such _ ,” another poke, “a dumbass.” 

then semi starts to laugh. it’s quiet at first, low and disguised, but tadashi lifts his eyes and glares at semi like he’s lost his mind. this sends semi deeper into a pit of laughter. 

“what’s so funny?” tadashi hisses. 

truthfully, nothing about this situation is funny. just a few hours ago semi was ready to rip his own head off and run into the ocean, never to be seen again. he told himself he was not worthy, told himself he could not have what he wanted if he didn’t ask for it. told himself until he truly believed it, until it took over all rational thought and true feelings. 

this boy before him, irritated and seething, flustered and a blushing disaster… semi’s floored. he’s completely stunned, blown away, out of breath. he can’t possibly begin to explain it but he knows one thing is for sure: semi will forget all about his rules if it means tadashi will kiss him again. 

his laughter slows but tadashi keeps poking him, fighting the urge to smile and laugh along with semi. 

_ can’t have what you don't ask for, huh? _

semi stops abruptly, lopsided smile faltering on his lips. he can feel his heartbeat in his head, serving as an obnoxious reminder that his confidence is fake. 

“kiss me again,” semi breathes, watching in quiet satisfaction as tadashi’s eyes light up with curiosity and confusion, pupils dilate with desire and maybe even  _ need.  _ there’s a deep, pulling feeling in his chest he’s never felt before. if he has, he refused to acknowledge it. “pretty please.”

tadashi doesn’t even hesitate. his hands take semi’s cheeks, fingers sliding into his hair just a little. he’s careful not to clash their faces together. instead, he’s slower, more deliberate, more purposeful. semi’s eyes flutter closed and he wonders if there’s anything better than this feeling right here. he lets his hands rise to tadashi’s torso, feeling the boy jolt as his cold hands rest on bare skin. tadashi exhales noisily through his nose before adjusting and pushing in impossibly closer. 

semi is highly aware of how sweaty and probably smelly he is, but he’s equally aware of every inch of contact there is between them. the kiss is a balance of push and pull, searching, exploration, laced with remnants of tadashi’s irritation and semi’s frustration. 

tadashi’s never kissed anyone like this before. he’ll admit he’s dreamed of kissing semi like this. once, maybe twice. dreamed of the way semi might taste (like spearmint gum), of the way he might sound (hums and sighs that send all the blood rushing to tadashi’s head), of the way he might move (leaning into the touch and wanting to pull him impossibly closer).

semi, on the other hand…

dreaming of this once or twice was an understatement. dreaming of this was an embarrassment, too, since he never fully knew where the feeling, the desire, came from. but whatever is happening right now, semi couldn’t care less. he  _ wants  _ this.  _ needs  _ it. never wants to let it go, never wants to let the opportunity pass him by. 

the kiss slows, and semi has to bite back a whine of protest, because  _ why pull away now?  _ tadashi starts to lean back, but not without a gentle bite to semi’s bottom lip. the feeling sends electricity through his blood, and his eyes fly open. tadashi is staring at him, face open and curious, mouth parted and searching for breath. 

semi doesn’t let go of the younger boy. his lips feel swollen but, looking at tadashi like this, under a completely new lense, fills him with an overwhelming sense of awe and adoration. tadashi truly was ever evolving, and semi never wants to miss a single second of his constant development. 

“i’m sorry,” semi blurts out now. tadashi’s hands rest on his chest. there’s a few inches of space between them, and the words hang there where semi can almost see them. “i’m sorry for being such a dumbass.”

tadashi shakes his head, pushing semi lightly. semi frowns and tadashi watches the way his brows furrow. he wants to let semi come clean, wants to let him have this moment, wants to hear the full truth, the full apology. so he says nothing. 

“i’m sorry for thinking ignoring my problems would make them go away,” semi whispers. “i’m sorry for pushing you away after all you’ve done for me.” he squeezes tadashi’s torso, the words almost like poison on his tongue. “and i’m sorry for not apologizing sooner.”

tadashi breathes in every word, takes in the softness of semi’s expressions, the sincerity in his raspy voice. he’s told semi the whole truth, expressing how he feels in almost every way he can. all he can do now is sit still and listen. 

“i’m not good with my own feelings, understanding them or acting on them,” semi chuckles lightly. “but i know that, whatever this is between us, is good.” another squeeze to tadashi’s torso. “really good.”

tadashi cups semi’s face in gentle hands one more time. he begs inwardly that semi looks into his eyes and sees nothing but honesty and admiration there. “it’s you, semi eita. i like  _ you.  _ every single bit of you.”

semi feels his heart race at that line. it’s not the first time he’s heard it, but this time feels a little more real, a little more understandable. 

“we don’t have to have it all figured out right here and now,” tadashi murmurs. semi’s face grows warmer beneath his hands. “but i want you with me. for as long as you can stand me.”

semi’s lips split into a gentle ghost of a smile. he’s got a long way to go in terms of understanding himself, accepting himself, allowing himself to unapologetically feel exactly how he feels, but tadashi is here. tadashi is  _ here _ , in his arms, ready to bring him back to earth. ready to map out the path, ready to anchor semi down, never let him get lost again. there’s an inexplicable pull at his heartstrings, making semi’s eyes prickle and his gut twist. 

he’s afraid. of the future, of the present, of himself, of the truth. what if he really isn’t good enough? 

but how will he know if he never tries?

“we can figure it out… together,” semi breathes, almost overtaken by a rush of fondness. the word  _ together  _ sets his nerves on edge in the best way possible. 

semi watches as tadashi begins to smile, trying to fight it and failing miserably. he wants to be the reason for that smile forever. tadashi considers kissing him when the door to the garage bursts open, giving them both heart attacks. tadashi’s embarrassing by how quickly he extracts himself from semi’s arms. 

“hey, where—“ hinata rounds the corner, hair wild and voice loud. his bright eyes widen at the sight of semi and tadashi, standing an awkward foot apart, semi’s hand reaching out but finding itself frozen in midair. “—are you… oh! um—sorry, i just—you—“

tadashi watches realization dawn in the shorter boys face. it makes me blush even harder, and he resists the urge to pull into himself, or worse, run down the hall and lock himself in the bathroom. 

“looking for us?” semi asks as he pushes off the wall, voice raspy and lined with a smirk. tadashi could slap him; where the hell did semi get confidence like that? so quickly too; he was just smiling like an idiot with a blush across his cheeks a mere two seconds ago. 

hinata laughs awkwardly, holding his arms up in surrender. “yeah—um, party’s outside. konoha, atsumu—akaashi, too—“ he turns to tadashi, sending a wave of shock through the taller boys bones. why did hinata’s eyes have to look so intense? “suga’s here too, and we all—“

“shoyo!” atsumu’s voice yells as the door opens again. semi drops his frozen arm and tadashi seriously considers making a run for it. 

_ why am i so on edge?  _

“oh-ho?” atsumu grins as he leans against the wall, arm above his head. his brow is lifted in silent suggestion as he glances between semi and tadashi, still standing awkwardly in the dark hall. “sneakin’ off, huh?” 

semi scoffs, and tadashi tucks his hands behind his back as if he has something to hide. he’s so full of anxiety and adrenaline his head might burst, but semi steps beside him, arm falling between them like a silent invitation. 

“yeah, whatever you say, miya,” semi replies. tadashi drops his arm too, pinky finger searching for semi’s own. “what’s a party without us, anyway?”

konoha bursts in now, laughing loudly and demanding to know where the hell his bandmates have gotten off to. his head pops up between a grinning atsumu and a sly smiling hinata. he scans semi and tadashi, who have now tied their pinky fingers together behind their backs. this small action alone anchors tadashi to the ground, allowing him a brief second to gather his thoughts. 

“go on,” tadashi nods to the trio. “we’re coming.”

“we’ll be  _ waiting _ ,” konoha sings as he wiggles his brows. 

“finally…” hinata murmurs as he follows the latter. this makes tadashi cringe a little.

“thought you were sneaky, huh…” atsumu stares them down as he brings up the rear of the beeline. 

semi squeezes tadashi’s pinky. “guess we should make an appearance at our own party, huh?”

tadashi takes a shaky breath, laughing to himself. “guess so.”

semi and tadashi walk out together, hand in hand, heads buzzing and heartbeats uneven. there’s music playing from the speakers, loud chatter and roaring laughter as old team and classmates reunite under their store bought fairy lights and imaginary stars. 

everyone they personally invited made it and there are reunions across the board. tadashi’s head is spinning all night long, lips tingling and hands burning from hard high fives and firm handshakes. he sees people he hasn’t seen in years, sugawara koshi among those people. he’s a force of nature and tadashi fights back tears when suga tells him he’s proud of him. 

he and semi don't part the whole night, falling back into that routine of casual touching and leaning into one another, lips pressed to ears as secrets pass a little too loudly, fingers grazing knuckles in a quiet confirmation kind of way. the rest of their bandmates watch them with keen eyes, sharing secret winks and excited smiles everytime the two lean in close to whisper something to the other. 

this was that sort of  _ going back to normal  _ but with the added bonus. a lot of bonus, actually. semi was already falling back into his usual state of slightly exuberant, mildly irritating confidence and gentle sweetness. tadashi is swimming, on cloud nine, dizzy and so very in love he doesn’t even know what to do with himself. 

the puzzle is falling into place. they’d figure it out, piece by piece. they’d figure  _ each other _ out, on a whole new level they’d only dreamt of before. 

the whole night is laced with magic, and tadashi is certain  _ this  _ is his dreamland. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...evil laughter


	11. no. 1 party anthem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reunion at the diner and an end to a beginning.

no. 1 party anthem (arctic monkeys) —

the following morning 

the early morning sunlight shines through the window, softly highlighting a tangle of boys on semi eita’s bed, both with bits and pieces of their outfits from last night still on. tadashi is strewn sideways, socked foot hanging off the edge of the bed and his arms thrown loosely around a cotton candy haired semi eita, who seems to have discarded his shirt sometime in the night. his glittery face rests on tadashi’s stomach, arms wrapped tightly around the younger boys waist. 

as expected, semi wakes first, blinking away the harsh sunspots already dancing behind his eyelids. he removes his arms from underneath tadashi and uses them to hold his upper body up. dizzily, semi glances through the curtains of his hair to see tadashi still sleeping soundly. his head is turned at just the right angle so the sun is shining over his face. his arms readjust to rest on his stomach, where semi realizes his crop top has ridden up just a little too high. 

it’s so early and semi eita is already blushing. he purses his lips and uses his left hand to pull tadashi’s shirt down, pointedly ignoring all the boys starlike freckles spattered over his skin. semi leans back, sitting on his legs, runs his hands through his hair. the temperature in the room is perfect, and the sunlight warms semi’s bare back. he realizes with short lived disgust that they both went to sleep in their sweaty ass concert outfits. no doubt he smells to high heaven. 

tadashi inhales sharply and semi turns to him, thinking he woke him. the boy shifts, turns on his side, and tucks his hands beneath his head. his hair is a mess, and semi finds himself smiling. 

_i like you, semi eita. every single bit of you._

semi can still taste the kiss on his lips. he wonders briefly what their status is, but he shuts down that train of thought before he can panic. are they boyfriends? dating? will the kissing continue? he likes the kissing. he definitely wants that to continue. for sure. 

semi spares one last glance at the sleeping tadashi before detaching himself completely and getting out of bed. his skin is sticky from sweat, glitter in places on his chest and arms that don't even really make sense. once he’s fully standing, he sees one leg of his pants had ridden up almost to his knee. he has one sock on, and his shirt is nowhere to be found. his neck, ears, and fingers still shimmer with his jewelry. 

_make coffee. get clothes. shower. you smell._

when he crosses to the closet and sees it completely organized, his heart falls a little. semi bites back a 

childish grin as he purposely reaches for a shirt from tadashi’s side, pulling out a black and orange shirt that seems to be an old high school shirt. he takes a pair of shorts and leaves the clothes in the bathroom just down the hall. semi also grabs a t-shirt from _his_ side, another pair of shorts, and leaves it at the foot of the bed for tadashi when he wakes. 

careful not to make even the slightest sound, semi creeps down the hall to enter the kitchen. it’s a mess; food and drinks and cups strewn everywhere. he doesn’t want to even _think_ about the garage. instead, semi focuses on the coffee pot and setting it up so there’s enough for everyone later on. 

their party _of sorts_ went long into the early morning, and semi can’t remember for the life of him when he went to sleep, who was still here, and when the excitement eventually died down. semi can’t even remember how many people were here to participate in the celebration party _of sorts._

he does, however, remember atsumu and the waiter from the diner across campus sneaking into atsumu’s room to avoid the crowd. he remembers tendou and sugawara announcing a dance competition and nearly everyone participating, though sugawara was the one that won. he and kiyoko showed everyone up. semi remembers bokuto and tendou engaging in loud conversation as akaashi keiji and semi’s old teammate, wakatoshi ushijima stood next to the two loud mouths, talking quieter and watching their partners with hearts in their eyes. 

semi’s throat itches and his bones ache, and he can’t remember much else of the night before. that must mean it was a night well spent. he’ll have to text tendou once he’s out of the shower to find out when he went home and how he was feeling today. 

the shower is glorious. it’s warm and it washes all of the disgusting sweat and heavy weight off his muscles. for the past week or so, semi’s been stiff and uptight, making efforts to avoid someone he couldn’t bare to part from, overextending himself at work, and playing his bass until his fingers bled. a week's worth of tension washes down the shower drain, pink tinted soap washing down with it. 

freshly clean and smelling like grapefruit, semi exits the bathroom and rubs his hair with a towel, careful to watch his footsteps. the air of his room sends goosebumps erupting over his skin, sunlight still pouring through the window. he hopes tadashi never wants curtains; the boy is washed in peaceful morning light, and semi thinks he looks, well, _holy_. shining. untouchable. 

tossing the towel aside, semi removes his phone from the charger and heads for the kitchen. tadashi, and the rest of the whole house, is still sound asleep. his phone is basically dry, save for a single text from tendou. 

3:37 am

 **satoriiii** : _MADE IT HOME !!_

semi winces at the timestamp. tendou was probably one of the last to leave. 

9:42 am

 **EITAAAA** : _i’m glad to hear it, how’re u doing today?_

tendou satori is in good hands, thanks to ushijima. semi represses a fond smile at the thought of his old teammates coming to watch him play music. last night really _had_ been a dream. 

semi prepares two coffee mugs, vaguely remembering how tadashi likes his made from home. it’s too bad semi doesn’t have the ingredients to make tadashi an iced chai, but he settles for a spoon and a half of sugar and just enough hazelnut creamer to lighten it. semi’s own is similar, albeit less sweet and less light. gentle footsteps startle him. 

konoha steps into the kitchen, arms stretched over his head as a demonic stretch-sigh leaves his lips. semi frowns at him, trying to control his rising heartbeat. 

“morning, akinori,” semi rasps, turning back to coffees in front of him. “you scared me.”

more footsteps follow. konoha stops behind semi and sets his chin on the older boy’s shoulder, smiling sleepily at the coffee. 

“is that for me?” konoha jokes quietly, voice scratchy around the edges. “you’re too kind, eita,” he finishes as his arm snakes around semi to reach for the cup. 

semi pulls away and tuts at konoha, whose bright pink hair is messier than semi’s ever seen it. “you can make your own,” semi points at him. “this is for tadashi.” 

konoha doesn’t miss the light quirk of semi’s lips at tadashi’s name. his own lips split into a grin, taunting and evil. “you guys made up, huh?”

semi has both cups in hand now. konoha is reaching into the cabinet above the coffee pot for a cup of his own. 

“something like that,” semi breathes, thinking of the boy waiting for him down the hall. heat creeps up his neck. “we’re not—“

“ _finally_ ,” konoha sighs, exaggeratingly exasperated. “it was causing me actual, physical pain watching you two dance around the truth like that.” 

semi purses his lips. he turns on his heel to watch konoha spoon an ungodly amount of sugar into his cup. “the truth, huh?”

konoha snorts at that. he glances at semi over his shoulder and takes a mental note of the blush on his ears and cheeks. “you kissed him yet?”

a pause. 

“alright,” semi takes that as his cue to leave before konoha can embarrass him further. “i’m leaving now.”

he spins around just a little too quick and catches sight of a severely disheveled miya atsumu, pressing his palms in his eyes and stumbling like a zombie. 

“morning, atsumu,” semi says lightly. 

“sleep alright, ‘tsumu?” konoha asks. semi notices the slight lilt of his voice and turns to see him grinning evilly once again. 

atsumu’s hands fall and he glares harshly at konoha, who is seemingly unaffected by the hate in his eyes. “slept jus’ fine, thanks.”

semi snorts a little. “you sure about that?”

“how’d it go with your little _friend_?” konoha drawls as atsumu pads across the kitchen toward the island. 

the tall man crawls into one of the seats and places his face in his hand, irritation still burning in his gaze. “went jus’ fine, _thanks_.”

_friend? oh—_

semi smiles gently. “the guy from the diner?”

“what’s his name?” konoha sings, spinning to face atsumu head on. “ _omi-kun_?” 

atsumu’s hand drops and he looks two seconds from shoving konoha straight through the wall. “yes,” he bites out. “the guy from the diner. his _name,_ ” he gives konoha a pointed look, “is sakusa kiyoomi.” the name sounds a little ridiculous and a lot endearing with atsumu’s accent. 

semi glances between the two, shaking his head lightly. they seem to be having some sort of internal argument. maybe it’s less an argument and more konoha poking fun at the younger man as atsumu tries to deny the heart eyes he’d been giving this _sakusa kiyoomi_ for months on end now. 

“so how come you guys snuck back in here when—“ konoha teases now. semi sucks in a breath as atsumu stiffens. 

“you little—“ atsumu hops down from his chair but semi turns to leave before he can witness a murder. 

konoha’s muffled laughter dies the further down the hall semi goes. he takes short steps, careful not to spill either cup. the door to atsumu and konoha’s room is open just a crack. hinata’s bedroom door is shut and semi wonders briefly if karasuno’s old setter is here, too. 

pushing into his room with his shoulder, semi nearly drops the coffee mugs at the sight before him. a sight he’s seen a few times, but he’ll never get used to. he curses the skip of his heartbeat. 

tadashi is leaned up, hair wild, and eyes scrunched shut as he leans backward to stretch. semi curses that crop top he’s wearing too, as it lifts again to expose smooth skin. he curses the sun, giving tadashi a halo over his head. he curses the coffee, spilling over the edge of the mug just a little to burn his fingers. he curses his feet, which seem to be frozen in place. he curses his chest, for tightening and constricting at the worst time. 

“morning, eita,” tadashi speaks, eyes still closed. he leans forward, stretching his arms out toward his socked feet until it looks like he’s bent in half. 

semi blinks himself out of his stupor before closing the door with his foot. he crosses the room and finds a place to sit to the right of tadashi, setting his cup on the bedside table and holding the other one tight in his hands. 

“morning,” semi replies. 

tadashi leans back onto the wall, pillows and blanket strewn about. he can barely keep his eyes open. semi shifts until he’s sitting cross legged on the bed with his knee touching the younger boy's own. he leans forward to press the warm coffee mug into tadashi’s empty hands. 

his dark eyes fly open, taking in the coffee and a freshly clean semi eita beside him. tadashi can smell semi’s classic grapefruit shampoo from here, mixed in with the hazelnut coffee. this leads him to wonder how _he_ must smell. semi watches as tadashi scans himself, horror flooding his features. 

“i’m—“ tadashi chokes. “still. wearing. _jeans_.”

semi blinks once before cracking into quiet laughter. tadashi slowly turns to him, mouth parting in disgust and shock. his eyes flick back to his legs, and that’s when he sees _it_. 

his voice cracks. “ _socks_ , too?” 

semi tries to muffle his laughter, but to no avail. after handing the mug back to semi, tadashi yanks his socks off and crosses his legs with an irritated huff, picking at the rips in the jeans he is, in fact, still wearing. he sends semi a pointed glare, growing more and more self conscious of how he must look, and worse, _smell._ semi’s clean, smelling great and—

“eita.”

semi’s smile falters a little. tadashi is staring at him. well—not _at_ him. more like at his chest. more like he’s looking _through_ semi’s chest. 

“yeah?”

tadashi reaches out his hand to brush slender fingers over semi’s chest, over the black, over the crow outlined in orange, over the words _karasuno high school._ semi wasn’t being very sneaky when he chose this shirt, but who’s to say he didn’t do it on purpose?

“is that—is that my shirt?”

semi places a hand over tadashi’s fingers, which are tracing over letters and unknowingly sending goosebumps erupting all over semi’s skin. “no, i went to karasuno, obviously.”

tadashi scrunches his face, glaring at semi through his lashes. semi’s smiling that lazy smile again and he still hasn’t let go of tadashi’s fingers. semi picked that shirt on purpose. tadashi had never seen someone else in his own clothes before. there may have been an opportunity, lifetimes ago, but that boy had been much too tall to fit anything of tadashi’s. on semi, it fits perfectly. on semi, it takes tadashi’s breath away. is it even allowed for someone to look that cute in your own clothes? old, tattered high school t-shirt’s no less. 

“you’re hilarious,” tadashi grumbles, bringing the coffee up to his lips. it smells amazing and it tastes even better; semi never misses with coffee. it’s _always_ good. he’s gifted like that. semi readjusts until his back his against the wall, shoulder to shoulder with tadashi. he has his own mug in his hands now, relishing in the heat that washes over his face. he’s never felt so at peace. 

tadashi starts ranting about last night. he raves about their matching hair, all their stained hands, all their incredible outfits (konoha’s fishnets, atsumu’s sleeveless shirt, hinata’s heeled boots), the bold eyeliner and chunky glitter, wild hair, sparkling jewelry. he even mentions hinata’s red lipgloss and how he hasn't looked that joyous since high school volleyball. 

tadashi could scream for days about how semi looked; pink hair and devilish smirk like he knew all eyes were on him. he could scream for even longer about how he had never felt so confident than he did last night, even despite the guilt of him and semi’s argument weighing heavily on his shoulders. once the music started, tadashi never gave himself the chance to even _think_ about their argument, about how torn up it made him feel. he wonders for a moment how great they’ll play _next_ time, without all that added… angst. 

semi watches the boy’s half asleep excitement; the way his eyeliner smeared eyes glisten, the pink painting his cheeks and his neck, the shine of his hair and the animation of his voice. it feels so nice to once more be close to tadashi like this, like there’s no space between, like there’s nothing to be afraid of, like he can truly breathe again. 

in return, semi offers his own excited ramblings. tadashi notices the light rasp of his voice and wonders if the coffee makes his throat feel any better. with the way semi sang last night, magnetic and heartfelt, it’s no wonder his voice is worn. tadashi’s never heard semi belt out like that, but he knows that semi will never cease to surprise him. 

they talk until the coffee is all gone. the cups find themselves sat on the bedside table again, drained. the sun warms their backs. 

tadashi turns his head and catches a glint of glitter on semi’s cheek, reflecting the light as he speaks. slowly, carefully, tadashi leans forward to get into semi’s space. the closeness is unnecessary, he knows this, but that stray piece of glitter distracts him from almost any and all rational thought. 

semi chats animatedly until he sees tadashi out of the corner of his eye. “i don’t think i’ve ever been s-so…”

the words die in his throat. tadashi’s hand lifts, gentle thumb brushing over the warm skin of semi’s cheek. the movement is small, short lived, but it lights a fire in semi’s chest. he’s made hyper aware of all the places they’re touching, of how close tadashi is to him, how moving forward just a couple inches would have their noses brushing.

“sorry,” tadashi murmurs. semi doesn’t do a good job hiding his shock, and earns a light laugh from tadashi. “you had, um—glitter on your cheek.”

_why am i so nervous? as if we haven’t spent the past year being so close, as if we—_

he starts to move back but semi reaches out and grabs the younger boy's arm. tadashi doesn’t miss the light lick of his lips, or the way semi’s own fingers dance lightly on his skin. 

“tadashi—“ semi curses himself for being such a coward, for being so afraid, so frozen, so stiff. “i—just—“

tadashi has always known semi to be the bold one, the confident one, and every time he _wasn’t,_ tadashi felt the need to fill that gap. even despite the nerves bubbling in his stomach, the green haired boy can’t stop the grin growing over his face, dripping some twisted mix of surprise and satisfaction. 

“just what, eita?” he asks, tilting his head. his slender fingers rise to catch semi’s chin, encouraging him to look up and into tadashi’s eyes. this action alone requires a lot of internal pep talk.

_just what, eita?_

“kiss me,” semi exhales, like he’s breathless. like he wants what he’s asking for more than anything else in the world, like he needs it, like he’s got to have it to survive. 

tadashi’s fingers grip semi’s chin just a little tighter, pulling the older boy's face closer to his own slowly, agonizingly slow for semi’s taste. semi’s hands wrap around tadashi’s upper arms, rings cold on tadashi’s skin, using him as some sort of anchor.

“like this?” tadashi whispers. semi’s eyes flutter closed as their lips meet, feeling tadashi’s smile melt with the movement. the fire in semi’s chest is blazing full force. the kiss is gentle, deliberately slow, laced with a quiet hunger. 

_like this. just like this._

semi sighs into the kiss, sending shivers down tadashi’s spine. the latter shifts until he’s sitting on his knees, inching closer and closer to semi, who lets his hands fall and rest on tadashi’s thighs. the younger boy leans forward until he’s sure he’ll collapse, winding his arms behind semi’s neck, snaking his hands into semi’s sort of wet hair. 

the sitting positions are too spaced out, too stretched and mildly uncomfortable. semi tries not to grip the boy’s skin too tightly, tries not to grab him by the shirt collar and pull tadashi on top of him. he’s keeping up at tadashi’s slow and gentle pace, refusing to think about tadashi’s stupid crop top and the fact that it’s probably risen up again. 

that is, until tadashi’s fingers pull his hair ever so faintly. almost like an accident. 

that is, until tadashi bites down on semi’s lower lip, pulling it just enough to get a reaction. that’s slightly harder to write off as an _accident_. 

semi gasps and tadashi pulls back just a little, airy laughter escaping his smirking lips. semi’s eyes fly open, pupils wide and curious. they stare wide eyed at each other, like they’re trying to process it. like it’s something that needs processing. tadashi’s smirk is full blown; he’s not even trying to be sly. 

_a not so accidental accident then._

semi shakes his head, insisting on keeping his hands in place. truthfully, he didn’t want to pull back just yet. he was just—

“who the hell taught you how to kiss like that?” semi asks. his voice is just a little _too_ breathy, and it sends even more embarrassed heat creeping over his face. 

tadashi looks a little (keyword: _little_ , as in _barely_ , as in, _hardly at all_ ) sheepish as he clasps his hands together, tucking them in his lap. semi doesn’t miss a single movement. “i probably shouldn’t have—“

“no,” semi interrupts. “i didn't say that.”

_use your words, eita._

impossibly, tadashi’s eyes widen even more. “you—“

“do it again,” semi insists. tadashi doesn’t hesitate. 

tadashi moves until he’s practically in semi’s lap, chest pressed into chest, breathing ragged and hands just borderline grabby. every tug of semi’s hair, every gentle bite to his lip pulls a gasp out of his lungs that makes tadashi’s cheeks turn blistering red, only encouraging him to do it again, again, and _again_ . until semi’s hair is a disaster and his lips are swollen. until he’s gasping for air, searching for anything to hold onto, anything to keep him on earth. until tadashi realizes just how much power he has, until semi realizes just how _weak_ he is. just how much of his confidence isn’t real. just how much he _likes_ the fervor, the quiet desperation, the—

tadashi makes a squeaking noise, like muffled shock. his hands untangle from semi’s hair and semi has to bite back a whine of protest. semi’s sure he looks like a mess, sworn lips and pink cheeks. he’s also sure that pink turns deep crimson when he sees just how flustered tadashi looks. it’s almost too much, like it’s something he shouldn’t be seeing. 

“i haven't even brushed my teeth yet!” tadashi exclaims, pulling completely out of semi’s hold, clasping hands over his mouth with absolute disgust in his eyes. “i wasn’t even—i didn't even _think_ about it, i’m so—“

and again, at almost the worst time, semi starts cracking up. full on wheezing, cackling, clutching his stomach as tears well in his eyes. tadashi watches in horror as this boy _laughs_ at his predicament. 

“don’t _laugh_!” tadashi pokes semi in the chest, which just makes semi laugh harder. 

the older boy dips down to the pile of clothes he set out for tadashi a _while_ ago, leaning back up and tossing them at tadashi’s chest. “here,” semi wheezes through more laughter. 

“i can’t just—“ tadashi pulls the clothes close to his chest, untangling himself to get out of bed. “i _smell_ too! how can—how can you kiss someone in this state?!”

semi laughs harder at that, refusing to look at tadashi for fear of being unable to breathe through his cackles. instead, he holds a finger to his lips, exaggeratingly shushing the younger boy. “go shower, sweaty!”

tadashi looks completely affronted, back straightening and his lips pursing. “ _sweaty_? how dare you!” he jumps forward, dropping the clothes and grabbing semi’s face, squishing his cheeks together and pecking him over and over again. 

“ _you_ kissed this sweaty ass, just remember that!” he exclaims as he makes for the bathroom. semi is still giggling, trying desperately to control himself. 

“i don't remember kissing your ass, tadashi!” semi calls after him. 

tadashi flips him off and shuts the door none too lightly. if anyone in the house was still sleeping or went _back_ to sleep, semi’s sure that would startle them. 

semi spends his brief time alone picking up their room, tidying the closet and gathering dirty clothes into the hamper. he makes the bed and puts away shoes, takes the coffee mugs to the sink, listening to konoha and atsumu’s loud ramblings through their cracked bedroom door. hinata’s light is still off. he wonders how late they stayed awake, and how late into the day they’d sleep. semi smiles at that, knowing his friends must’ve had a night well spent, too. he can still feel the sound of his bass reverberating through his bones. 

humming and light on his feet, semi runs through the last chaotic twenty four hours in his head. he and tadashi went from not speaking at all to—well, making out on his bed. that was definitely a step semi had not been expecting, a step he was definitely _never_ going to complain about. frankly, semi doesn’t care about the labels or specifics about their relationship right now. he only cares about the togetherness, the going-back-to-normal-ness. this close contact and _making out_ is just a bonus for him. 

idly, a hand lifts to ghost across his lips, still just a little tingly. 

“hinata might sleep all day,” tadashi’s voice echoes through semi’s head. he turns on his heel to see the boy shaking out wet hair, running his fingers through the pink bits and squinting when his fingers find a tangle. “he and kageyama could sleep forever.”

“i think they were one of the last to go to sleep,” semi laughs, flopping down on the bed. he falls back into the pile of pillows with a light huff. “tendou sent me a text at nearly _four_ this morning saying he’d just made it home.” 

the younger boy crosses the room. semi feels the mattress dip by his leg and looks up to see tadashi sitting by him, cheeks still tinged pink. “four in the _morning_ ? i don't even remember when _we_ passed out,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

tadashi leans sideways and collapses on semi. after a moment, he’s settled lying flat on top of semi, legs strewn about and left arm holding up his head. that smile radiates toward semi, who peeks at him for just a brief moment. 

the question eats at tadashi, slow and irritating. he shouldn’t ask, he really shouldn’t but—

“how long—um, how long has it been since you’ve kissed someone?” tadashi asks anyway. 

semi blinks, faint offense crawling up his throat. he leans up to look at the younger boy. “hey! i’m not _that_ bad, am i?” 

tadashi’s face flushes. “no! no, i just meant—well, i mean, you seemed—i mean, how long has—has it been? because—“

_because you seem just as touch starved as i am. is that weird to say? probably._

“because?” semi narrows his eyes, releasing a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. he pauses. waits. knowing he’s not getting an answer, semi says, “...two years.”

_there’s a countdown roaring in his ears and he can’t even see straight. the girl in front of him is smiling widely, her eyes dazzling with all the glittering lights around them._

_“three, two, one!”_

_she pulls him forward by his shirt collar and kisses him sweetly. he can taste a hint of alcohol, feel his face flooded with heat, with hands that are just a little too handsy._

_the next morning he can’t remember her name._

“two?” tadashi tilts his head, nervous laughter bubbling out of his mouth. “two _years_?”

semi scowls now, not even trying to mask it. “what does it matter?”

“it doesn’t! i just didn’t know if—“ he shakes his head, sucks in a shaky breath. “i haven't actually, um, ever—ever kissed anyone like that. before.”

semi leans up just a little more, holding his weight on his arms. it’s his turn to tilt his head. “bullshit.”

_bullshit?!_

tadashi furrows his brows, mouth working like a fish out of water. “i’m serious.”

“you’re lying.”

“am not.”

“you are!”

“i’m not!”

“what are you saying?” semi uses his left hand to pay tadashi back for the hellish (meaning _holy, godly, unreal_ ) experience from earlier. rough fingers dip under tadashi’s chin, angling his face upward. “i’m your first kiss?”

_“are you sure this is okay?”_

_“do it before i change my mind.”_

_“o-okay.”_

_his eyes flutter closed and he leans forward to press their lips together, holding it there in some awkward attempt at a first kiss. they break apart just as quickly as it started, nonexistent tension hanging in the air._

_“...weird.”_

_“definitely.”_

tadashi frowns at the memory. “says _you_ who hasn’t kissed anyone in _two years_ ,” he teases semi, not allowing himself the chance to think about his first year high school self trying to be sneaky by claiming that experimental kiss was for research purposes. 

“says _you_ ,” semi smirks. “who hasn’t kissed anyone at all, apparently.”

yeah. this is good. tadashi likes all this bonus stuff, all the teasing, all the taunting. he likes the challenge, likes the power, likes _eita._ waking up next to him, pestering him, poking fun at him. falling back into the swing of things makes tadashi feel more at ease than he has in days. 

“and _you’re_ blushing,” tadashi says bluntly, effectively shattering semi’s egotistical mirage in two simple words. it was the truth, though. tadashi likes seeing semi flustered. tadashi takes this as an opportunity to wrap his arms around semi and tackle him into the pile of pillows. 

“you didn’t answer the question,” semi murmurs as he adjusts. 

tadashi inhales deeply, taking in the grapefruit smell of semi’s hair and his soft, clean clothes. he’s radiating a lulling kind of heat and tadashi lets his eyes fall closed. “what question?”

“am i your first?” he asks because if he doesn’t, the curiosity will swallow him whole. 

_inexperienced people don’t bite someone’s lip the day after they’ve kissed them for the first time, do they? maybe starved people do. maybe i don’t need to know, maybe it’s stupid to even think about._

tadashi smiles gently. he squeezes semi’s torso just a bit, cuddling impossibly closer to the older boy. “you’re the first that ever counted.”

semi considers this, wondering what he did in his past life to deserve this safe haven. the answer doesn't satiate him completely; his thoughts wander to the first person tadashi may have kissed, what brought it about and what came of it. semi decides he really _doesn’t_ need to know. 

they lay there for a while, quiet and comfortable. tadashi is convinced he could go back to sleep when semi’s fingers wind their way into his hair. that was a sure fire way to steal all of tadashi’s boastful energy. he buries his face in semi’s chest, listening to the older boy's heartbeat, a ghost of a smile resting on his freckled features. 

semi pokes tadashi’s head lightly. tadashi only squeezes him tighter. “wanna go get breakfast?”

“mno,” tadashi mumbles, shoving his face down into the fabric of semi’s— _his_ —shirt. 

semi’s hands stop moving. “wanna go get breakfast at your favorite diner?”

“you mean _your_ favorite diner,” tadashi smarts back. 

“okay, fine,” semi sighs. “wanna go get breakfast at _my_ favorite diner?” 

“wanna stay _here_.”

“we can—we can come back and cuddle all afternoon. if—if you want. after. we eat.”

tadashi smiles against his chest. _eita’s nervous._ he lifts his head to smile that lazy grin at him. semi feels his heart start to claw up his throat again.

“only ‘cause you asked nicely.” 

—

after nearly half an hour of constant pestering and attempts at persuasion with offers of rewards like cuddling, kisses, endless coffee, semi finally manages to get tadashi out of bed. together, they get dressed in comfortable attire. together, they try to tame semi’s cotton candy bedhead. together, they leave the house hand in hand and walk the peaceful fifteen minutes to the diner. 

“i wonder if that sakusa kiyoomi guy will be there,” semi says idly, pinky finger brushing tadashi’s own. 

tadashi gets the hint, taking semi’s hand in one swift motion. “sakusa kiyoomi?”

“oh,” semi grins. “he’s atsumu’s little _friend_.” he recalls konoha’s taunts and atsumu’s glares from earlier this morning. 

tadashi snorts. “atsumu has friends aside from us?”

semi gives him a sideways glance, feigning hurt by clutching his chest. “don’t be rude!”

tadashi squeezes his hand, laughing lightly and refusing to look semi in the eyes. “atsumu’s got a little crush! i see, i’ll have to remember to tease him about it later.”

the walk to the diner is quick and quiet, half of campus being gone for the summer already. people walk past them with dogs, on roller skates, in clicking heels. tadashi breathes it all in; the shady trees, the green grass, the sun shining down on them, the hand in his own. he can’t even believe his luck. 

—

“your coffee will always be the best,” tadashi claims proudly, eyeballing his steaming coffee as it sits in the center of the table where their waiter ( _not_ sakusa kiyoomi) had placed it. just looking at it made his tongue burn. 

semi, on the other hand, has his pulled close, letting the heat wash over his face, fingertips light on the cup. it’s practically lunch time but who says it’s too late for coffee?

the diner is buzzing with people at nearly every other table, chatting quietly or laughing loudly. some people have breakfast foods, others have more hearty foods. semi’s stomach has been rumbling ever since he woke up but he wasn’t about to let tadashi know that. tadashi had a much lighter appetite than he did. he wonders where their waiter is…

“i’m sort of glad, um, the other guys didn’t come,” tadashi says, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand. his other arm lays flat across the table, like a silent invitation. semi sees it after a moment, taking tadashi’s fingers and fiddling idly with them. 

“yeah?” semi replies, staring his menu down even though he already knows what he wants to order. “as if we ever could’ve gotten hinata out of bed on our own.”

tadashi hums, watching as semi examines the freckles on his hands. “i don't know, he responds pretty well to the prospect of food.” 

semi catches the teasing in his voice and scoffs. “so i’d have to promise to _buy_ his food.”

“and kageyama’s too, probably,” tadashi smiles openly. he pulls his gaze from their touching fingers and glances around the diner.

a mistake.

“then atsumu and konoha would join in,” semi groans. “they’d want—hey, are you—“

_okay? no._

the front door opens with a swish, allowing two tall men to enter side by side. the one of the left is about an inch shorter, but with high, crazy bedhead hair to make up for the lost inch of height. his features are sharp, but his eyes are soft. his lips are upturned just a little as he laughs with the man next to him. tadashi takes in his slick white button up and dark blue slacks. he’s carrying a jacket in his free hand. his laugh is deep. 

“tadashi?”

tadashi’s heart falls into the pit of his stomach. dread, anxiety, fear, and a mix of other terrible feelings well up inside him, crawling up his throat and behind his eyes. semi feels him tighten his grip on his fingers. he tries to follow his gaze but tadashi is staring at the space directly behind semi. he'd have to turn all the way around, and that would just be—

“no _fucking_ way,” is all tadashi can say.

beside the dark haired man is a taller, younger, blond with a calm, passive look on his face. he has thin rimmed glasses resting on his nose, which he pushes up using a middle finger. behind those lenses are pointed, golden eyes that narrow as he tries to adjust to the sudden darkness compared to the outdoor light. he’s wearing tan slacks and a short sleeve white button up, similar to the first man. 

the first thing tadashi notices is the fact that his hair has gotten longer, curling around his ears and the nape of his neck. the second thing is that he’s sharing a fond smile with the man next to him. 

kuroo tetsurou and tsukishima kei walk into the diner with all the confidence and coolness in the world, shoulders brushing and laughing gently. 

worst of all, they're walking this way. 

without thinking, tadashi pulls back from semi’s grasp and shoves his hands into his lap, tucking his head down and fighting the angry heat boiling in his blood. semi is talking to him, trying to coax an answer, a response, anything from him, but he can’t hear him. can’t even think straight. 

_no, this can’t be happening. not here. not now. i pushed him from my mind, i worked around him in all my memories. i moved on. i’m happy now. i’m someone i can be proud of. i’m with someone who cares about me. he doesn’t even go here! there’s no way this is real. there’s no way. there’s no—_

“yamaguchi?! karasuno’s yamaguchi?” kuroo chuckles loudly, with surprise and, well, _joy_ on his face.

semi turns and takes in the sight of the two. they tower over his and tadashi’s booth, the one on the left shining as bright as a thousand suns and the one on the right looking like he wants to make a dash for the door. semi avoids frowning, instead putting on a smooth smile and acknowledging them both. he glances at tadashi, fully expecting the younger boy to be trying to crawl under the table, or even be _gone_ , sprinting out the door. instead, he’s smiling. the magic in his eyes isn’t there, and semi can tell it’s forced. the corners of his lips twitch, threatening to pull into a scowl at any given second. 

“kuroo, oh my god,” tadashi laughs nervously. “it’s been so long, how have you been?”

“i’ve been really well! busy,” kuroo laughs lightly, oblivious to how tight tadashi is clenching his hands together. “i’m getting ready to graduate soon! gonna start an internship in tokyo soon, it’s all been chaotic but i’m really looking forward to it!” 

tadashi watches as kuroo lifts a hand and places it on the small of tsukishima’s back. tadashi half expects kei— _tsukishima_ —to pull away or smack his hand, but he doesn’t. he doesn’t even blink. 

“that sounds amazing,” tadashi replies, cringing at how silent both tsukishima and semi are. “i’m really proud of you!”

truthfully, tadashi never knew kuroo that well. he and the rest of karasuno maintained really close contact with nekoma from tadashi’s first year on, and they probably _still_ maintained that contact, but tadashi knew members like kozume kenma and haiba lev a lot better than any of the others. others being kuroo. though, kuroo came to every game nekoma played he could manage after he graduated. needless to say, tadashi knows _of_ kuroo more than he _knows_ kuroo. he likes him well enough. 

seeing him here and now, though, with his hand on _tsukishima goddamn kei’s_ back and chatting with tadashi on a random sunday morning like it’s no big deal was definitely _not_ something tadashi could’ve ever prepared for. 

semi takes this as his chance to introduce himself before he comes across as rude. he smiles loosely at kuroo and tsukishima. 

“i’m semi eita,” he says. tadashi wants to kick him in the shin for sounding so relaxed, so calm and collected while tadashi is stuck digging his nails into his palms to keep from screaming full volume inside this diner. 

“semi eita?” kuroo tilts his hand. “holy shit, from shiratorizawa academy?” he thrust his hand forward to shake semi’s own, who looks only mildly flustered by the action. _mildly._ “i’m kuroo. kuroo tetsurou from nekoma. we never played against each other but i’d seen shiratorizawa play aoba johsai a time or two.”

semi chuckles. “that’s the one.” 

“how do you know yamaguchi?” kuroo asks now, glancing between the two. tadashi wonders if he notices their matching hair and matching pink stained hands. 

“we play in a band together called _dreamland_ ,” semi replies. “though, we’ve been friends for longer.”

_friends._ tadashi’s knuckles turn white. 

as if this interaction could get any worse, tsukishima speaks up. his voice sends shivers down tadashi’s spine, and _not_ in the good way. 

“band?” is all he says, the end of the word upturned in a question. 

kuroo leans into him, still smiling wide and relaxed. tadashi considers kicking _him_ in the shin too. “how long’s it been since you’ve seen yamaguchi?” he asks the blond before turning to tadashi again. “weren’t you guys like, super close in high school?”

tadashi also considers bashing his head into the table until he’s unconscious. semi’s ankle crosses over his own, but he can’t seem to relax at the contact. 

“something like that,” tsukishima says, voice flat, like he’s bored. tadashi can feel those golden eyes burning into his skull. “tadashi, i didn’t know you ever thought of joining a band. i didn’t even—“

“well, he wasn't actively seeking one,” semi interrupts. tsukishima’s lips purse. “my band and i kinda begged him to join us after we heard a piece he and i worked on and—“

“there’s a lot you didn’t know about me, _tsukishima_.” 

tadashi has to sit on his hands to keep from piercing his palms. the name drips like poison off his tongue. his blood boils, nerves on edge, electricity and anxiety dancing on his bones. hearing his given name come from tsukishima’s mouth fills tadashi’s head with fog, like he’s not sure if he should giggle like a child or be absolutely repulsed.

semi fights to keep his mouth closed, skin itching from second hand embarrassment. 

tsukishima recoils at his last name, like he’s been slapped. tadashi wishes it were a slap instead, something physical, something forceful, something to pour his upset and anxiety into. the table is too quiet. he’s gone and made it awkward, but tadashi can’t care less. he just wanted to get breakfast with eita, just wanted to hold his stupid hand across the table and gaze into his eyes like they hold all the secrets to the universe. 

tadashi can feel his body curl into itself, his soul fighting against his bones, trying to find an escape. semi senses his restlessness, his anxiety, his temperature that rises as his patience grows thin. 

“i think it’s super cool that you play live music,” kuroo says, like he’s finally caught on to the tension around him. like he’s trying to break the ice. “ _dreamland_ is a really cool name, too. if we see you guys around again, we should definitely go watch them play, huh, kei?”

_kei._

tsukishima relaxes just a bit, tearing his eyes from tadashi to give kuroo a half ass smile, some weak attempt at reassurance. “definitely.”

his voice grates on tadashi’s ears. semi watches his shoulders stiffens and decides right there he should probably intervene. 

“definitely!” semi exclaims, fake smile plastered easily over his features. “we were just headed out, though, so if you'll excuse us! i’m so glad to have met you!”

semi stands, effectively shutting kuroo and tsukishima out of their bubble. he crosses to tadashi’s side of the booth and reaches for his hand where the gods and everyone can see. after lacing their fingers, semi coaxes tadashi out of the seat with ease. the younger boy leans into him, actively trying not to vomit at his feet. semi leaves money on the table, praying it’s the right amount.

kuroo bows shallowly at them, easy smile looking significantly _less_ easy than it had five minutes prior. tsukishima nods his head toward them. “see you guys later!” kuroo calls as semi and tadashi shuffle out the door. 

semi makes a show of bringing tadashi’s hand to his lips, placing a ghost of a kiss over his knuckles. he glances over his shoulder just before the door shuts, pleased to see the other two saw the whole thing. tadashi is silent. his hand is limp in semi’s own. semi squeezes it, like he’s trying to bring him back to reality, back to earth. 

semi clears his throat. “who were they?”

he’s met with silence. tadashi walks with his head down, dark hair obscuring his face just enough that semi can’t get a read on him. 

_tsukishima._ that’s the name tadashi spat at the blond man, like it was foul or poisonous on his tongue. 

“tadashi?” semi nudges him with his shoulder, brows dipped in confusion. “i—if you don’t wanna tell me, that’s okay. you just seemed really upset back there.”

_ever so patient, eita. ever so concerned. so soft._

tadashi speaks and his voice grates like broken glass. “an old friend and someone i’d rather forget.”

that’s all the explanation semi gets the entire walk back home. he’s thankful for the sunlight warming his back, because tadashi only radiates bitter cold. not once does semi let go of his hand.

—

the house is bustling with life when they enter. konoha and atsumu body each other around on the couch, trying to distract the other from whatever game they were playing. hinata and kageyama sit on the floor, eyes glued to the tv and stray arms poking and prodding one another, tossing insults and threats. semi and tadashi sneak in with ease. 

tadashi makes for their room, leaving semi to just shrug at konoha, the only one to acknowledge their entrance. 

semi pads down the hall, preparing himself for what comes next. he’s patient, collected, at peace with not knowing everything but _damn_ if curiosity isn’t driving him up the wall. he’s never seen tadashi so upset, so furious, so dazed. not once in the near year of knowing him has tadashi ever looked so… out of touch. 

the younger boy is sitting on the bed with his hands clasped in front of him. his face is completely blank. semi inhales deeply before crossing the room and sitting next to him. he doesn’t reach for tadashi’s hand, doesn’t nudge him, doesn’t try to pull some answer from him. if tadashi wants to talk, he can. if not, semi is content with sitting in silence too. sort of. 

“i never thought i’d have to see him again,” tadashi breathes, voice level and quiet. the tone strikes semi as bored, but the words fuel the curiosity he’s been desperately trying to ignore. 

“that… tsukishima, right?” semi replies slowly. 

tadashi exhales in some weak attempt at a sour laugh, eyes still barely focused on the middle distance. without thinking, his nails dig into his palms. he feels like a first year all over again, fearful and a little lost. to him, his first year self was pathetic, a bad joke. flustered everytime tsukishima entered the room, flustered everytime tsukishima spoke, flustered everytime tsukishima even so much as _glanced_ at him. 

“last year of middle school…” tadashi starts. “i realized i might actually be in—in love with my best friend. we grew up together, having lived just a few blocks apart, always going to the same schools. our mothers got along well, and his brother was like—“ a real dry laugh leaves his lips now. “—like a father figure for me. for both of us.”

semi doesn’t know what to do, what to say, so he listens. he doesn’t lean in, doesn’t go to touch him or comfort him. he just listens. 

“he was always so… brave. so bold, so sure. he was never afraid of anything, or anyone. too grown, too mature for his age. i admired him. i grew up afraid of my own damn shadow,” tadashi bites out. “but with him, watching him, i grew a little stronger.”

_his last year of middle school rolls around too quickly. it’s a warm day, nearing the end of the school year, and the sun is shining. tsukishima’s hair glows like a golden crown gifted to him by the gods themselves under the sunlight, head tilted back and eyes fluttered closed._

_he says something goofy about dinosaurs, something about being made of stars and planets and space dust. his voice is smooth like honey, lips quirked up, teasing a possible smile. tadashi watches with keen eyes, absorbing every minuscule detail as if he’s seeing tsukishima kei for the first time. he learns something about himself that day. maybe more than one thing._

_it only gets worse._

_their first year at karasuno high school, tadashi realizes he’s starting to catch up to tsukishima height wise. he realizes tsukishima is starting to fill out his stupidly long limbs, starting to grin more, starting to laugh more, starting to sparkle more. they spend every single day together, talking about anything under the sun, as best friends do._

_tadashi feels his heart start to ache._

_first year tadashi asked kei if they should kiss, just to make sure they’ve got experience before any real relationships take hold. it’s too fast, cold, and just downright weird._

_tadashi starts to notice hinata and kageyama getting closer._

_in his second year, tadashi comes out to his whole team. he tells them bluntly that he’s gay, and he remembers yachi tearing up just a little. he also remembers tsukishima looking away like he’s not surprised. that year, there are more than a few instances of accidental hand touching, falling asleep together on the floor after studying late into the night, heads leaned on shoulders on bus rides after games._

_his third year rolls around and tadashi can’t hide how he feels anymore. at this point, it’s full blown, achy, shaky, and uncomfortable. tsukishima’s grown three inches since middle school, filled out in muscle and height. his hair has gotten a little longer and he still wears those damn sports glasses during games. he’s friendlier, kinder, gentler. he tells his teammates he’s proud of them, tells tadashi in private he’s grateful to have him as karasuno’s team captain. they share private smiles and knowing looks._

_volleyball season ends during the third round at the national tournament. they lose to itachiyama by just a few heartbreaking points. the ride home is miserable, and tadashi cries until there are no tears left, tsukishima holding him all the way. hinata cries too, and tadashi can’t bare the sight. they finish the school year strong though, planning for university and their individual futures. graduation is rough, parting is rough, saying goodbye, packing, making decisions. it’s all rough._

_the following summer is the worst he’s ever had. he and tsukishima decide on different universities, not terribly far but far enough to twist his gut. he decides early that summer that he needs to tell tsukishima how he feels, before he misses his chance all together. tadashi can no longer deny the butterflies in his stomach, the heat flooding his features whenever tsukishima smiles, the fondness behind the nickname tadashi gave him._

_“it’s the truth.”_

_“no. it can’t—it won’t work. i can’t do it.”_

_“just hear me out—“_

_“no, seriously. i—no.”_

_tsukishima pulls away from him and it’s like he’s freezing, like he’s been abandoned at sea, like he’s completely lost._

_internal promises with tadashi’s self are made. promises to do better, be better, for himself. he recognized that he couldn’t keep overextending himself, pretending to be someone he’s not, walking on emotional eggshells all the time. he recognized that it was one sided, and dealt with the aftermath as best as he could._

_(not very well, obviously.)_

_the summer is nearing its end. tadashi is all packed up, ready to go out into the world, meet new people and become someone he can be proud of. someone he’s sure is exactly who he wants to be… until tsukishima kei is on his doorstep after the sun sets, red in the face and looking downright distraught._

_it wasn’t one sided, after all._

_“i didn’t know how to tell you. i didn’t know how to be someone like that for you. i’m a coward and i ran away, thinking my problems would go away if i ignored them long enough, but i lo—“_

_“i’m over it, kei.”_

_“listen, i think i can do it now. i think i can—“_

_“you’re not playing fair.”_

_“please forgive me. we can try again.”_

_“you don’t get to do this. not now. not when i spent my_ whole life _loving you!”_

maybe tadashi had been unfair, too quick to shut tsukishima down. maybe he’d been too harsh, but tadashi _had_ spent his entire life loving tsukishima kei. even now, nearly a year after the event, all his fond memories are overshadowed by a younger, kinder tsukishima. a braver, more understanding version of him. they’d been best friends their entire lives, and after one measly (maybe not so measly) confession, tsukishima leaves tadashi behind. he disappears, stop answering his texts, stops walking to the park with him, stops dropping by for dinner. ten years of friendship is gone because _tsukishima goddamn kei_ is a _coward._

tadashi can handle rejection. he would’ve been okay if tsukishima had told him he simply didn’t feel the same way, and they could’ve gone on as they always had. tadashi could live with that, _has_ lived with that. he didn’t expect to lose his very best friend in the entire world over it. 

tadashi hated himself for saying anything at all. he became lonelier than he’d ever been in his life, lost and dazed with no sense of direction. the idea of college is what pulled him out of that pit, gave him the strength to become someone new, someone who didn’t need tsukishima goddamn kei to lean or depend on. tadashi came here in hopes of pursuing musical dreams, revamping himself into someone he could genuinely be proud of, someone he created _on his own._

maybe they could be friends again, _maybe_ tadashi reacted too harshly at the diner, but for now, he just wants to forget about tsukishima. he wants semi to hold him. most of all, he wants semi to know he can’t be bothered with high school first loves anymore, that he’s _not_ still caught up on _tsukishima goddamn kei._ the only person that matters to tadashi is the cotton candy haired semi eita right next to him. someone who helped build him up _when he needed it,_ and allowed himself to get back up on his own if he didn’t want help. semi was just good like that. 

not a tear is shed, not a movement is made. tadashi sits completely still with his hands in his lap. semi watches them like a hawk, like it’s all he can bear to focus on. his curiosity is quenched, but at what cost? semi thinks back to the time he cried in tadashi’s arms, how the younger boy held him and let him have his time, let him speak when he needed, let him sit quietly as long as necessary. 

maybe tadashi just needs to be held. 

“i had hoped i’d never have to tell you about that,” tadashi murmurs. his voice is strained but semi doesn’t look up. 

slowly, semi reaches for tadashi’s smooth hands, taking them in his own and giving them a reassuring squeeze. they’re cold and clammy, but semi hopes to share some of his warmth. 

“i’m sorry it happened like this,” semi replies, thinking about the sheer horror in tadashi’s eyes when he recognized just _who_ walked into that diner. “and… i’m sorry if you felt pressured to tell me.”

“no,” tadashi snaps, jerking semi’s hands. “no, don’t say that. don’t apologize. you—you deserved to know. you deserved to know why i was so—so _upset_ , i just—i never dreamed i’d see him again. i never thought—“

semi bites the inside of his cheek, brows furrowed with concern. he looks at tadashi now, taking in the flaming red in his cheeks, the fog in his eyes. he’s still so distraught. semi squeezes his hands again. “i understand. we—we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

tadashi meets his gaze, eyes flicking side to side. his throat works like he’s trying to find the right words to say, the right way to send the proper message. semi purses his lips, unsure of what to say or do next. seeing tsukishima really rattled tadashi, and semi starts praying to anyone that’ll listen that this doesn’t affect what they have. anything but that. 

“it’s _you_ , okay?” tadashi says, voice shaking. he shoves their hands into semi’s chest as gently as he can in this stressed state, hoping the extra shove helps his words carry more weight. “i _want_ this. i want this with _you_ and he—he doesn’t mean _anything_ to me anymore! he’s—“ 

tadashi’s scrambling, out of breath and growing more anxious by the second. semi’s face is torn to pieces, being so unsure it’s pulling him apart at the seams. the boy in front of him in near tears, lip quivering and voice fraying around the edges. semi listens, though. he listens like his life depends on it. he wants to hear every word, doesn’t want to miss a single bit of it. 

“he ruined it. he ruined breakfast, he ruined my streak of not thinking about him. ruined it! all of it!” tadashi exclaims, chest rising and falling too rapidly. his head falls forward and semi leans into it, pressing his forehead against tadashi’s. his skin is blazing. 

“listen to me,” semi says, trying to stay calm. “he didn’t ruin breakfast. he didn’t ruin everything. we’re okay, _you're_ okay. i’m here, okay? i’m here.” he repeats these words but tadashi’s still mumbling, tears threatening to pour down his much too warm cheeks. 

“i didn’t—“ he chokes out. “i don’t want you to think i still love him.”

semi laughs weakly knowing full well it’s a terrible reaction. he lifts an arm and wraps it around the younger boys shoulder, hesitating for a split second before pulling him close, into semi’s chest. he hopes to share his warmth, his sureness, anchoring tadashi back to the ground, on earth, in semi’s arms where he’s grown to belong. 

“because it’s you,” tadashi continues, shutting his eyes tight and willing the sting of tears to go away. “it’s always gonna be you, eita.”

_it’s always gonna be you, eita._

tadashi’s never felt so sure of anything in his life. befriending eita, talking to him, walking beside him, studying with him, laughing with him has been one of the easiest things tadashi’s ever done. it was like playing keyboard for the first time, falling in love with the sounds coming from every individual key, testing out combinations of sounds. semi is the chill down his spine when he plays his favorite songs nearly perfectly. semi is the build up in a song he’s never heard before, the release and drop that gives him goosebumps.

he’s eyeliner in a small dorm bathroom. he’s purple stained fingers. he’s a perfect cup of iced chai. he’s delirious laughter after staying up too late for a math test. he’s critiquing mistakes in an old movie. he’s a quiet walk across campus. he’s the click of heeled boots on pavement. he’s cotton candy and grapefruit. he’s cartoon bandaids on torn fingers. he’s new stories and a full moon shining through sheer curtains. 

semi eita is _magic_. 

“how could i think _that_ after the evil look you gave him?” semi teases quietly, trying desperately to lighten the mood. it results in a short giggle from tadashi, and that’s enough for him. 

semi holds him with ease, without thinking, without hesitating. little by little, day by day, tadashi helps semi realize maybe being with someone isn't so scary after all. tadashi helps him see the brighter side of closeness and vulnerability. 

tadashi helped bring down his stoic shield, made him a little softer around the edges, a little more open to change, to growth. reaching out to tadashi, asking for help, allowing himself to be held, allowing himself to be seen even as uncontrollable tears fall down his face, tadashi made all those things easy for semi. he’s striking just the right chord, feeling the vibrations shoot through your bones in one satisfying sweep. he’s the comfort in a favorite song semi’s known for years. 

tadashi is laughter through a bathroom mirror. he’s messy eyeliner hearts and a layer of silver hair. he’s the warmth of a cup of coffee too early in the morning. he’s the frayed edges of semi’s favorite sweater. he’s his favorite riff. he’s snarky comments under his breath. he’s the glow in the dark stars on semi’s childhood bedroom ceiling. he’s space dust and spattered constellations, across his cheeks, down his chest and over his back. 

yamaguchi tadashi is _magic_. 

“so let’s do it then,” semi says into tadashi’s hair. 

“do what?” tadashi responds, leaning into semi. his heartbeat works to smooth itself back out. 

“make it official.” semi closes his eyes, unable to believe the words coming from his mouth. he feels tadashi shift, and he’s sure the boy is looking at him with curiosity in his eyes. 

“eita,” tadashi grabs his face in his hands. semi smiles without thinking, knowing that, in tadashi’s hands, he’s home. “look at me.”

he does. tadashi’s eyes are dark, stray strands of green hair obscuring them a little. they’re glossy, magnetic. semi can count every individual freckle from this distance, how they overlap, fade in and out of different shades, different sizes. the sunlight coming in from the window gives him an unearthly glow (bless that window, truly). 

“be my boyfriend,” semi offers quietly. there’s no question mark, but it’s a request all the same. a simple one, really. or was it? the word _boyfriend_ sends blood rushing to semi’s head and he can almost hear it roaring in his ears. 

“your boyfriend,” tadashi whispers in response, leaning in slowly. there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. 

“ _my_ boyfriend.” semi’s breathless again. 

their lips meet gently, softly. it’s tender and sweet, no fervor or desperation involved. semi’s hands drift to tadashi’s wrists again and he sighs into it, feeling that smile against his lips. it’s intoxicating. 

“my boyfriend.” tadashi kisses him again. “all mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first, i’d like to thank twitter from two months ago when we all had semiyama brain rot for several weeks straight. i saw one (1!!) prompt and ran with it, thus creating this fic. my first official fic and hopefully not my last. if youve stuck through to the end, thank you. i wanted to do the semiyama tag justice. 
> 
> i had planned on writing another chapter, some sort of bonus, but the end of this just seemed fitting. like it was the ending they needed. this is only the beginning for these two. 
> 
> regardless, thanks for sticking it out to the end. i’ll keep propagating my semiyama agenda until i die.


End file.
